Dear Diary

Last night was an amazing night! It was the Masquerade party for one of the dance schools. Naturally, I was dressed to impress in a golden, sequin full-length dress and crystal mask in the shape of a butterfly. Who would have thought that Mr Spark would be there?? It took an hour for him to come over to talk to me after looking over at me multiple times.

Mr Spark looked handsome in his green and black mask with his dusty brown hair messily in place and his dental commercial smile. He said hello, followed by that he hadn’t recognised me initially and that I looked beautiful. All I could say was ‘Thank you’ to his compliment. He asked me how things were back at the town and I responded that they used to be good. He paused and probed ‘used to be…?’, to which I responded ‘I live here now’. He smiled and picked me up to hug me! when he put me down he asked me if I had a boyfriend to which I completely froze with my jaw dropped……there was a long hesitant pause from me processing reality and finding a way to answer the question appropriately. I started to panic internally because I tried to push words out but nothing happened, just jaw dropped and staring at him. You see, I am in the process of breaking it off with someone I’ve been dating the past year and couldn’t technically say ‘no’. After what felt like a minute he anxiously interrupted and asked me what was wrong, do you not want a boyfriend? or, do you have friends with benefits?

This last comment offended me deeply. This handsome stranger was insinuating something so absurd and foreign to me that I reacted without filtering and without poise. I screwed up my face in disgust at him and replied ‘never’ with a defiance tone. As one would expect, the chemistry instantaneously dampened between us and he seemed a bit scared. I excused myself and went to dance with someone else. We didn’t talk for the rest of the evening and I left without saying goodbye.

On my way home in the car I went replayed the conversation over and over again wishing I could have found words – any words! – when he’d asked me if I had a boyfriend. Why couldn’t I have told the part-truth and responded with a simple ‘no’? Then, reenacting ‘never!’ in my head played on repeat loop, no matter how I looked at it there wasn’t a recovery from that. I decided it was best to cut my losses and focus on my new job and dealing with operation terminate courtship.

Diary, I haven’t mentioned much about the person that I’ve been dating the last year. I’ll give a quick summary so that you’re up to speed. We met online, he spoke like a gentleman, it was long distance the whole time only seeing each other once a month, he spoiled me, and things started getting strange at the end with some major red flags.

The final two incidents for me were at a restaurant when he was in a bad mood as I didn’t organise him a birthday dinner. He wanted an argument in the restaurant so I kept quiet and didn’t engage. Talk about awkward with everyone staring at you and so much tension in the room – I’ve never wanted to leave a restaurant so badly in my life. He then suggested that I be paying as it was his birthday, but physically intervened when I tried to pay at the end. He wanted to ‘discuss’ in detail in the car ride home our issues – which was an argument I didn’t want to have – so, when we pulled up I just got out of the car and went inside. Funny how his tune changed as soon as there were other people in the house as witness.

The second incident occurred the next morning. We had a pre-arranged event to go to, but he hadn’t decided if he’d actually go and expressed this the night before. I wake up on time to get ready and do so quickly. I then decide I’ll say goodbye as I’m about to leave. HE!. Then. Decides. He. Is. Going. To. Said. Event. And. Proceeds. To. Takes. A. 20. Minutes. Shower…..making us late, AND we are going to get disgusting and sweaty from exercise anyway so the shower is in vain! My knock on the shower door at the 15 minute mark to alert him to our tardiness was not well received. I start the argument in the car about him causing us to be late to a time-sensitive event. He then negates any responsibility and blames me for not waking him up early enough and deciphering that he was definitely coming to the event. This doesn’t sit well with me and it goes back and forth until he calls me a douche. To save you the details, I almost stop the car and threaten to kick him out on the highway. He then tells me when he calls me a douche or a dumb ass it’s not with any bad intent and that they are terms of endearment that I should stop making a big issue about.

I’m calling irreconcilable differences and cray-cray. Not wanting a stalker or abusive Ex I needed to plan the demise of the courtship in a peaceful way. Why did Spark Guy have to ask me at this time? If I’d had one or two more week this Thing would have been completely dead. Oh well.

Anastasia

Image: [Jana Gouthova] 123RF.com