Holding onto the Past – Entry 208

Dear Diary

I am pleased to confirm that my Newly-Single-Friend is no longer seeing the immature loser. He returned from vacation about 2 weeks after his ‘you’re a crazy lady‘ messages and tried to make contact with my friend. Fortunately, she had been actively dating during this time and had distanced herself emotionally enough to decline engaging with him.

I have a lot of updates to give you, some fresh and others just to tie up loose ends:

Newly-Single-Friend only met with the Gorgeous Charming Colombian two times before she realised he is too focused on his business to pursue her. As selfish as this sounds, it did comfort me learning this as he didn’t pursue me much either.

Major news flash: Mr Nice Guy is now officially dating the new lady friend he was been seeing every now and again. He updated his profile on Facey to ‘in a relationship’ but didn’t say with who. I don’t think she’s quite ready for it yet. I haven’t met her so can’t tell you how viable I think the relationship will be. He’s happy and that’s a good thing as he’s been chewed up and spat out a number of times by women.

Newly-Single-Friend sent me a message about a week after Nice Guy’s announcement to say that he’d de-friended her of Facey. She was very offended by this. Karate Kid was overjoyed when I told him. He thought she deserved it for stringing him along when they were psuedo-dating. I told Karate Kid that they were never officially an item and that she’d done the humane thing by stopping seeing him once she’d made her decision. I confirmed with my friend that they’d never kissed or held hands. Karate Kid was shocked by this and disappointed in Nice Guy for not trying out any moves on her. He is, after all, a nice guy.

I went dancing with Newly-Single-Friend a few weeks back. We went to a club that I used to frequent years ago when I was single. She told me about a few men that she was dating at the time and I gave my critique on them with the limited information she had supplied. Whilst we were dancing a guy that I have known for years came up to ask me to dance. He complimented me on how I looked and asked me if I’d like to get a coffee some time. I told him that I was seeing someone, though that it wasn’t anything serious (despite cohabitating with Karate Kid, if there isn’t a ring it isn’t a thing, Dear Diary). He then told me that it didn’t bother him and that he’d still like to see me. He said to me that he had wanted to ask me out for years but he was either dating someone or I was living in another city. Flattered, I told him it was best not to upset Karate Kid. He then told me that he had a girlfriend at the moment too but that just one coffee wouldn’t hurt. I declined his offer and went back home to Karate Kid that night.

Wisdom bite: Men will treat you like they would anyone other woman. If he is prepared to cheat on his current girlfriend to have coffee with me means two things: he’s likely cheated in the past, and, he would do it to me too if we ended up together. Leopards don’t change their spots, a dear friend of mine often tells me.

I went to a lunch at a friend’s house the other weekend. The Tardy Teacher was there (well, he arrived an hour late). I don’t think he realised that I am seeing Karate Kid currently, as his body language changed when our host mentioned him. The Tardy Teacher isn’t dating the lady from the dance parties earlier in the year. There was definitely something between them for a few months, but it ended and now she doesn’t go dancing anymore. He’s still single and consumed with his job.

I haven’t seen Mr Spark in a long time as I haven’t been out dancing. I haven’t seen Plain Jane Peasant Maiden for the same reason. I’m not sure if they are seeing each other, Facey doesn’t suggest anything of the sort.

I haven’t heard from The Millionaire in months since Karate Kid started posting couple shots. He has ‘liked’ a few of the posts and made humerus generic comments every so often.

I received a random message on Watsapp from a guy from New York that stood me up about 4 years ago. His accent still makes me weak. We have never met in person but have spoken on the phone maybe twice. He found me on Tinder years ago and we spoke briefly. He arranged a time to come to my city to visit me but never came. I didn’t hear from him for a few months until he contacted me again. I ignored him and every so often he sends through a message. The message this time was asking if I remembered him, how I was and if I was planning to go to NYC any time soon. I replied a week later saying that I am well and that I have no plan on going to NYC in the near future.

I randomly bumped into The Medical Consultant (who I mentioned in my first diary entry) He is married with two children. He looked well, just slightly aged, likely from children. His work was very successful and he had found work-life balance. He told me I looked very well and asked how I had been. Our conversation was cut short by another friend coming up to say hello to him. I went on my way but had a small cloud over me for a few hours after. I was one that caught his eyes so many years ago and he made it clear in a gentlemanly way without being creepy. I was naive, young and unsure of what I wanted in life. I let the opportunity go…. It’s weird to think that if I’d made different decisions that I could be his wife with two children living very comfortably right now. But that isn’t the case, and reality is that it never could be now.

It made me think about the other man that was in my orbit roughly at the same time. The dancer who was also a doctor. We had chemistry and a friendship, but nothing ever happened. We went on two dates officially and then he moved overseas to do Doctors-Without-Borders. Again, I was naive, young and unsure of what I wanted in life. I didn’t know how to give off signals that I was interested and was unsettled. I had moved city before he left and he came to visit me for one last hangout a few days before flying out.

Maybe a year later, he told me that he was coming back home and asked if we could meet up. I agreed and we met at a late-night pancake parlor in the city. He asked how I was going and I was still unsettled with life and direction. I was not seeing The Peruvian at the time, I think we had just broken up for the first of three times. He told me about a girl that he’d met at a Latin Dance Congress. He told me that they had a night of passion together and that he felt there was something special there. I looked visibly uncomfortable hearing this as I didn’t talk about sex when I was younger, it was private and practically taboo. I told him that if there was a special spark then he should follow that and see where it lead. I said that I had had a similar spark with The Peruvian and that it wasn’t every day that you meet someone that provokes such a sensation from within. I was alluding to what I believed to be the feeling you get when you meet your soul mate.

Our meeting ended soon after that and he would leave to work overseas again. I wouldn’t see him for about 1 or 2 more years. It was at my birthday dinner and he announced that his fiance would be flying to the Country soon and that they’d be getting married promptly so that she could stay and study. They are still happily married and have two gorgeous children together. I am friends with her and talk occasionally. I can see why he fell for her. She’s sweet and friendly. Her inner beauty is matched by her stunning exterior. She has done modelling in the past and still has the physique and beautiful smile. If she wasn’t so lovely it’d be easy to hate her.


 

I also received a message in my FB inbox recently. I haven’t opened it until right now. It’s the response to a message I sent about a year ago. Do you remember me approaching the ‘friend‘ of my ex-Peruivan boyfriend to ask her for the confronting email I sent her to tell her to mind her rank? She was the one that was trying to seduce him and he protected her? The one that posted photos of her kissing him on the cheek and giving it a caption ‘you love me, admit it’ in Spanish.

I asked her to send me the message I wrote to put her in her place years ago. It took her a year to reply and send through my original message (which I had deleted but wanted to share with you):

Dear XXX

I feel that it is a good idea for me to send you a message. This one will have to be in English as I don’t think I could articulate as well in Spanish on such a topic. Peruvian Bear has been speaking to you about the messages on facebook. I’m sure that he as explained to you that it’s the nature, as well as the publicity of them that has hurt me.

As a women, I’m sure you can understand where I stand. To see messages like that on your boyfriends wall from their really close friend really hurts and leaves a lot of doubt. Another thing that really hurt is that it felt as if I didn’t exist, and that it looked as if you were both together, that you were flirting. Peruvian Bear has already assured me that there is nothing happening between you both because you see each other as brother and sister. I believe him when he says this, so there is no problem. I am happy that you both are friends, and would never be unhappy about it.

I’ve already said to Peruvian Bear that I don’t mind if you guys talk like this to each other. You’ve been communicating like this for a long time. It is how you both interact, and I am okay with that. I don’t expect anything to change. All I ask is that things like that not to be done so publicly on facebook, because I take it as a sign of disrespect to me.

I ask that you be considerate when writing messages, and think about what would normally be considered alright to write on a friends profile. Kisses x, hugs o, te queiro mucho (I love you a lot) and te amo mucho (I love you a lot) are fine, anything like a normal conversation with a good friend.

I am also sure that you can understand after reading this why I didn’t want to be your friend on facebook anymore. I was extremely hurt when I saw that message, and couldn’t see it as any way but a sign of disrespect. I’ve told Peruvian Bear that now that I am with him I would never do such a thing, or allow my friends to do such a thing, because I know that it would hurt him so much. I love him dearly and this is the last thing I want to do.

I told Peruvian Bear I wasn’t sure of your intentions at the start as you were very interested in me, and I’ve had a bad experience with girls interrogating me over being with their friend. I came to Peru with an open mind and open heart, I wanted to meet you for you, and not have any pre-conceived worries or assumptions. And I’m glad I did, because I loved meeting you, and I really liked you. This is a long message, and I hope that you can understand all that I have intended to say. I am interested in getting to know you better. I think it is a really good idea actually. I still believe that you are genuinely a good person. After we eventually get to know each other more then I will understand you more, and you will understand me more.

I hope that we can be really good friends one day.

Anastasia xo

She never replied to my message. She instead complained to The Peruvian that I was being mean to her. Now that I read it I don’t think that I was that harsh with my wording. I could have been a lot more direct. There was a lot of energy behind it and maybe she just didn’t like being put in her place.


 

I had a nightmare this week about the guy I was last officially dating before Karate Kid. The one who gave me the pearl necklace and earrings as gifts but was showing signs of aggressiveness at the end. I don’t know why, but every so often I feel uncomfortable or anxious that I may cross paths with him. He hasn’t made any threats but it’s as if there’s something haunting me about it.

In my dream he had appeared and wanted to see me. I spent a lot of the dream running away and hiding. I was afraid of what he might do to me when he found me. Maybe it’s because I should give back the expensive gifts that he gave me? Dating rules are that gifts are gifts. Engagement rings are a different story, they should be returned if the woman breaks up with the man. He never proposed. I have three pieces of expensive pearl jewelry that he gave me. I wear one of the earrings most days. When we were arguing once I said that he could have the gifts back. He spitefully told me that I could go and sell them and return the money to him instead. I have a book of his to give back also, but I don’t want to see him again or make contact with him so I guess I’ll keep it safe.


 

Now for Karate Kid update. Things are going relatively well. Our last big discussion about us was over a month ago. I had told him that I didn’t want children as it was hard enough looking after him and trying to keep the house running. Since that outburst, he has been very helpful and tentative.

I have been watching his behaviour and waiting for it to relapse, but he is still being helpful. He now does all the washing up each day. He helps me with the washing of clothes and takes it upon himself to prepare our breakfast every morning. He makes sure that I get enough sleep and helps me wherever he can. I’m still shocked but am enjoying the change.

He has been rather moody the past month as his birthday is coming up. His birthday is three days after mine. I have been trying to organise something for him this year but he has been very resistant. Just two weeks ago I gave up on him and decided to organise a party for myself this year and so started making arrangements.

Since doing this, Karate Kid’s sisters have been in contact with me. They want to help organise a party for him. So, we have decided to do a surprise party on the date that ‘my party’ is meant to be. With their financial backing, I have been able to book the venue that I wanted last year for my party. It’s so beautiful and has unobstructed views of the city. It’ll be fantasy characters themed with a professional face paint artist, games and dancing.

His sisters have made reference to us getting married one day. I asked if they wanted speeches at this party and they both said ‘maybe no speeches, save that for your wedding day haha‘. I think we can officially say that the family have accepted me.

Now that a few people have RSVP’d to ‘my party’, Karate Kid has gotten moody again saying that he wanted a party and that I have taken the best date to host it…..I think if we break it down, Karate Kid didn’t want to organise a party for himself in case not many people showed up. Now that he can see that people are available he is kicking himself for not organising something sooner.

To pacify his hurt, I’m making a pretend party for him a week later on 29th December. I’ve told him that he needs to let me organise all of it and that he needs to give me the guest list. The plan is to do something smaller on that date and still surprise him with the big party on the 22nd December.

Let’s see how well I can keep the secret of the surprise birthday for the next 5 weeks!

Anastasia xo

 

 

IMAGE: Wix.com

 

 

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