Dear Diary

Sometimes it’s hard being right. Even when you call a spade a spade it’s hard not to feel the pain and suffering of others too stupid to listen.

About 18 months ago, a mutual friend of Karate Kid and I, hooked up with a random guy at a dance party. He was new to the Country and was fit and relatively good looking – exactly what my friend had told me she was looking for in a partner. I shouldn’t really refer to her as a friend, as she isn’t a friend and likely never will be. She’s self-centered, shallow, flaky and uses people. This is not the type of person I choose to have in my trusted sphere.

The Group Weekend Getaway in Janurary of 2017 was when I got real insight to who she is as a person. We shared a bed in the group accommodation and she confided in me about her experience with her ex-boyfriend. At face value, one would think she was trying to bond with me by being vulnerable and sharing private information…..not the case. She was marking her territory because she still had feelings for him and I was a perceived threat. She told me that I knew him and I said I’d never heard of the guy before. She insisted that I did know him and told me that he’d be coming to our city soon and she’d be picking him up from the airport and chauffeuring him around. I told her that she was acting like a doormat and he could ask other friends to pick him up from the airport. She insisted that she wanted to maintain a ‘friendship’ and didn’t mind doing it.

A few weeks after the weekend getaway, I recognise a face in a photograph. Her ex-boyfriend was a guy I met at a dance congress in another city in December 2016. He had added me to Facey soon after and she had noticed. It suddenly dawned on me that her seemingly innocent words about her ex-boyfriend were threats in disguise to make it clear to me that he was still hers (despite it being obvious that he was still using her despite having broken up over a year before). It didn’t bother me much as I wasn’t interested in him. I just lost even more respect for her when I realised how manipulative and fake this girl was.

A couple of months after, she meets the guy on the dance floor. They end up making out in front of everyone at the start of the night and then disappear soon after….assumably to a bedroom. A lot of friends were shocked that night as it was out of character for her. I reasoned that her hormones must have taken over as she was getting clucky and wanted to settled down. Soon after, both had updated their relationship statuses on Facey and uploaded couple shots as their profile pictures. Love was in the air. She practically dropped off the face of the Earth and spent every available moment with this guy. He appeared to treat her well and wrote lovey-dovey comments on couple photos they’d routinely post – But Diary, wouldn’t you too treat someone well if they held an express ticket to a permanent visa for you?

Call me a cynic, but I had no faith in the future of this relationship from the start. It started poorly, no courtship, no dates, just straight to the bedroom, and I smelt a rat. The Lawyer, coming from the same cultural background of the guy, also voiced that it’d never work out. She was too old for him, his family would never accept her. I was convinced that it was a relationship of convenience for the guy with a visa being his ulterior motive. I even told Karate Kid my lack of faith in this guy’s integrity because it unsettled me so much.

Okay, so now for the ‘I told you so‘ moment that isn’t as satisfying as it sounds. Last night, this girl sends Karate Kid a message asking for the boyfriend to be removed from the invite list for the birthday party that I’m organising. She gave the details of the relationship breakdown to Karate Kid and asked him not to share it with anyone other than me. Karate Kid paused and said that ‘it is bad‘ and spent a few more moments trying to think of how to phrase it to me. I got impatient with him and said “So, she found him in their bed sleeping with another women?”. Karate Kid was disappointed that I guessed correctly. He thought he had the gossip of the century. On the contrary, it isn’t high quality gossip when you can see it coming from a mile away.

The story goes that the girl was at her parents place for a few days as she was feeling sick. Her housemate sent her a text message saying she needed to come home straight away. When she arrived the bedroom door was locked. She knocked and knocked and then suddenly a girl ran out (?naked? who knows).

So Diary, this is the most entertaining part for me – what creative lies is this boy going to come up with the negate any responsibility or guilt? Because that’s what boys in men’s bodies do – they lie and blame the female for their actions (Does this description sound a bit like the guy who was liking those photos of the other girl just last month?). So this is what the guy came up with on the spot:

• There were meant to be two guy friends coming too, but they didn’t show up.
• She brought the wine. It wasn’t his idea.
• She locked the bedroom door.
• Nothing happened. They were just watching Netflix and had to do it in the bedroom because that’s where the TV is…………so, the other two guys were going to watch Netflix in their bed too?
• It’s her fault because they haven’t been sleeping together much lately
• He wants to work things out…which in itself implies a degree of guilt

So in summery, my friend is delusional/crazy and he is absolutely innocent. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Seriously Dear Diary, if he wants to sleep with other women he can go and do that, but first he should do the honest and respectable thing and break it off with the girl.

I send her a message on Facey saying that he’s probably done it a few times before if he’s that brazen and that she needs to get checked out for sexually transmitted diseases. I told her that if she needed help removing him from the premises that Karate Kid and I could help. I also gave her my number if she needed to talk.

It gets better.

Today, the girl phones Karate Kid on his mobile. It’s very unusual as she never calls…well, only when she wants something from you. Karate Kid answers and I can overhear most of the conversation. It enrages me because she’s acting like a doormat. Karate Kid passes the phone to me and I give her the lecture she needs to hear. It went something like:

You shouldn’t be helping move his stuff out. He can do it himself. She doesn’t owe him any favours – HE cheated on HER for the love of Doritos.

Throw his stuff on the curbside and he’ll soon move it himself. She rebuts saying that she wants to keep the peace and not cause drama…Drama? he asked for drama when he invited another woman into their bed.

Stuff the money, you can sort that out in court later. She’d given him 10,000 dollars to help with his visa application. He was getting angry that she might demand it back. ‘Idiot’ was the only word that came to my mind.

Knowing that she refused to see the forest for the tress, I decided to give her a dose of truth that she needed most: “XX do you realise that when you first started dating this guy myself and The Lawyer agreed it’d never work out. The Lawyer said his family will never accept you because you’re older than him. I believed he was just after a visa and it’s turned out to be true. This guy has been using you the whole time. He now has his visa in process and doesn’t need you anymore. He’s been using you.“

I know this last bit was very honest, but that’s what I’d want to hear also. I believe a true friend is honest and if the person receiving the message isn’t an idiot they’ll listen to what the friend has to say. It’s up to them if they do anything about it, but at least listen and don’t treat the other like a villain for saying what you don’t want to hear.

To be honest, Dear Diary, I couldn’t care less if this girl doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I didn’t have much respect for her to start with and much far less now. She is a doormat because she wants to be a doormat. She isn’t a child anymore and gives women a bad name. I later told Karate Kid I wouldn’t want my daughters having her as a role model.

After hearing my intense message of truth she didn’t say much other than she had to go so she could drop off the load of stuff for the guy. I handed the phone back to Karate Kid. I was frustrated that she had refused my sound advice intended solely for her benefit. She then told Karate Kid that we should not send her messages on social media anymore as her boyfriend may read it….this suggests to me that he read what I sent her the night before….I may have referred to him as a dirty dog….

I gave Karate Kid my prediction. The girl will take this guy back if he still needs her to complete the visa process. She won’t learn until she’s broken.

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To add to my stress, I was worried about my Newly Single Friend last night. We have signed up to do the same online course and she’s befriended the Founder on social media. She follows him every day and it seems like there could be some interest on both sides.

She sent me a message yesterday saying:

“Happy Friday! Tickets to the XX event are being released next Wednesday”

*Screenshot of her conversation with the Founder. She says to him that she will be at work when tickets come out and asks if there’s another way to reserve tickets. He replies: “Don’t worry, I will make sure you get one if you miss out for any reason. I promise.”

“Heading out tonight 😀 XX is here in the city too. He’s an eligible bachelor.”

*Screenshot of a message from him saying: “Wow. You looks beautiful :-)”

I reply soon after a bit panicked that she was going to do something stupid (Like the girl mentioned at the start of this entry).

“Has he invited you out on a date? Please be careful. He has easy access into the panties of many women because of his wealth. Don’t be like most women, please.”

I felt like a parent for the rest of the evening and until I heard from her this morning. I was worrying about her and wishing I’d given her better advice in preparation for meeting this man. If she played her cards right perhaps there’d be a chance for things to blossom into a nice relationship. From her message and lack of response if felt more like she was going to sell herself short and be chewed up and spat out by this stranger.

This morning I was relieved when I finally heard from her:

“Hola amiga. Didn’t end up meeting XX. Maybe next time :)”

I replied:

“Phew, I was worried he’d use you. You deserve to be with an amazing man like him, but he’s got to chase you and date you.He better take you to the best restaurants and treat you like a lady.”

Peace, finally. There is still time to help my friend prepare herself before she meets an exceptional male that has the potential to turn her world upside-down in a good way.

Keeping things real, Dear Diary, I must confess that I am also envious of my friend because if I wasn’t tied down with Karate Kid I could also have the opportunity to meet an exceptional man. Saying that, I am fiercely independent and will find my own way in this world without holding out for a leg-up from a love interest.

Anastasia xo

Photography copyright : Sergejs Rahunoks  123RF.COM