A fair bit has been happening over the past weeks. I must apologise for not keeping you as informed as usual. There’s a lot to cover…..
I changed my hair colour to having blonde highlights because I wanted to see how it felt (I used to be blonde many years ago). I kind of like it, but will dye my hair back to normal in the next one to two months.
Last Tuesday, I had a catch up with a girlfriend. She’s heavily pregnant and married to Karate Kid’s best friend. Her husband was the one that comforted Karate Kid two weeks ago and mediated our argument over the ice skating girls. I decided to share with my friend what had happened, she didn’t seem to know anything at all which surprised me. I showed her the multiple photos of Karate Kid with the other girls and she agreed that it looked like he was really into them, if not, dating them. This made me feel better hearing another opinion that agreed with mine.
Karate Kid came to visit that Tuesday night. He didn’t cook me dinner like he’d said in his text message before we had the argument about the ice skating girls. When I asked him about it he said that I didn’t answer him so that’s why he didn’t plan anything. He did ask me which dance camps/congresses I was interested in going to this year. I told him none as I had the worst time of my life when he broke my heart in July 2017 (Rhetorical Questions – Entry 104) and didn’t get to sleep at the one in August 2017 (Sleeping Beauty – Entry 119). He seemed surprised and hurt by my answer, but I wasn’t impressed that he was focusing his energy on group things rather than dating me properly and winning my heart.
Wednesday evening, Karate Kid sent a message:
“Feeeeel so good after a workout!!! I want more!!!!! Lol i feel like a bike ride!“
I was happy for him getting back into shape, but also worried that he may not want to see me as much anymore. Why wasn’t he calling me snowflake or wabbit? why wasn’t he calling me beautiful?
“Glad you are having a nice evening.
He then sent a message which made me cringe:
“I hope you had a good one too, my blonde princess. Good night. 🙂“
Why did I cringe? well, this is why:
“KK, I know you are trying to mean well but you really shouldn’t focus on my unnatural hair colour. I won’t be blonde forever, maybe just a few months then back to average brunette.
I remember you saying that you have a thing for blondes and both AA and BB [girls from ice skating] are blonde. It’s still tender for me as much as I’d like to forget it.”
He replied soon after with:
“Then you will be my brunette princess 🙂 not average! I like playing with it :p I’m looking forward in seeing you samba down the main street in that samba costume!”
I waited until the next morning to reply:
Hope you have a nice day“
I had dance class that evening so we wouldn’t see each other. He replied:
“Samba samba samba!! Have a awesome day!! Looking forward in hearing how you go today. 🙂“
Was he suggesting that I call him? I didn’t feel like talking to him. I waited until I was about to go to be at about 11pm and then sent:
“It went well!
That Thursday night, I had hit a low point. I realised that things weren’t ever likely to get serious between us because Karate Kid was in no rush to create a life with me. Karate Kid and I were only together because he refused to break up with me. The day when he wants to break up with me is that day that it’d be over. There’d be nothing that I could do to influence the situation. It just didn’t sit well with me feeling that I didn’t have a voice.
This is the part where I will be eating my own words. I ambitiously titled the last entry ‘I Told You So’…..
The Facey messenger message that my friend’s ex-boyfriend recently sent read:
“Hahaha thanks, when you have time for me to call you I want to ask you a big favour “
I hadn’t opened the message for a few days because I could only see the “when you have time for me to call you” part. I wanted to mentally prepare myself before opening it so that I wasn’t tempted to tell him how inconsiderate he was chasing his ex-girlfriend’s friend having only broken up with her in the last 2 months!
Seeing the sad face I felt a bit alarmed – what could he possibly want from me? I replied to him: “Oh no!? what happened? What do you want me to do?”
He replied later that day with:
“Hello Anastasia, nothing has happened, all is well .
The only thing that I wanted to talk to you about is that I’m worried about the state of mind of [ex girlfriend], after what happened [them breaking up].
I don’t know how close you are to her, but I know that she needs good people/friends close and I wanted to see if you could approach her. I know that she is close to you and trusts you a lot. She won’t ask for help but she needs it.
Please don’t mention anything of this to her.
Thank you “
I read it the next morning when I woke up. The first thoughts that went through my head were that my friend seemed more than fine and was happily settled into her new rental unit. I got suspicious…this guy must be wanting me to mention that he is asking about how she is doing so that she is tempted to contact him so that he has another chance with her. He must have been missing her and regretting allowing her to break up with him.
“Hello XX. Thanks for sharing with me. Yes, she is a dear friend on mind. I speak with her most weeks and go out with her every now and again. But if you think she is in a delicate state at the moment I can spend more time with her.”
“Hello, yes I think that’s a good idea. I have spoken to her in a week but the last few times that we have spoken I felt that she needed good company like you . Thank you and please don’t mention anything of this to her.“
Not being sure if I should be concerned for my friend, I contacted her and arranged a brunch date that morning. I felt conflicted as I drove to her place – should I tell her that her ex had contacted me? or should I just leave things be? It’d be good for her ego to know that he still cared about her. But surely, if I mentioned it to her she might get excited at the prospect of rekindling what they once had…..he was no good for her, I knew that she deserved much better. So I decided to see what she had to say and how she was feeling within herself before saying anything.
During brunch she told me that she had hit a low point herself the same weekend that her ex had contacted me….she had sent him a series of messages saying that she needed to talk to him and that if he truly cared that he’d come to see her right then and there. She was so disappointed that he took three days to reply to her…..
I comforted my friend and helped her to see the bigger picture. She felt that she had had the last dose of rejection from him and was ready to move on. A thought went through my mind….should I suggest that she date Mr Nice Guy? I wasn’t sure if she was ready yet and didn’t want to upset their friendship….best to wait a little longer.
Quietly embarrassed for my prior assumptions, I wrote a message to her ex later that evening:
“Hello XX. Don’t worry, I went to visit her today and she is better. She told me how she felt the day she contacted you the other week and it’s passed. Thanks for letting me know because I had no idea that she needed a good friend. I’ll keep a closer eye on her but I think she’s okay now. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her anything.“
I felt that it was in her best interest not knowing that he was still worried about her. If he really wanted to be with her again he would be chasing her himself – not using me to get close to her. He replied:
“Thanks so much, I’m happy to hear that she is better.“
Last week, in my inbox was a message from Mr Lady’s Man:
Good catching you dancing on Sunday, but never much time to chat, as is often the way.
In two weeks I’m rejoining the proper grown ups club (new job), but until then if you’re around day time & fancy a catch up over coffee, then gimme a shout
…of course, no pressure “
I had ignored his message for a few days too because all I could see is the last bit and I was sure that he was asking me out on a date again.
I eventually replied with:
“Hey Mr Lady’s Man congratulations! (That is, assuming you’re happy about the situation haha). Coffee would sound good, that is, if I drank it haha. Things have changed a little since we last spoke. It’s still very early days, but I’m kind of seeing someone at the moment. Who knows if it’ll work out, you can’t really tell until you know I guess. I should be going out dancing some time this weekend so will likely see you on the dance floor “
I thought that this was a gentle way of letting him down. He is the one that invited me out late last year on a week night for ‘a drink’. I was surprised that food was not included and he didn’t even pay for my cheap drink that night. When he contacted me after to see if I’d like to meet up again I told him that I was having a break from dating.
His reply was a big smiley face emoji followed by:
“…oh, you should totally start with the coffee drinking “
Wow, he took it really well. This meant that we could still dance together at events.
“Haha but then I’d be addicted like the rest of the population“
“See you too could become one of us …one of us ….one of us ….one of us “
This was great. He was totally fine with being friend.
Me: “Are you trying to hypnotize me?“
Him: “Guilty as charged “
Him (again): “Did it work?“
Him (again): “Do you feeling yourself succumbing to the power of suggestion …the suggestion of becoming a caffeine fiend?“
Me: “Hhmmmm I’m not sure. I don’t feel any different to usual….hahaha“
There was another message in my inbox from a person that I didn’t recognise:
Surely, it was some creep. I let it sit there for a few days before I was curious enough to check their profile. I suddenly realised who it was – The Trinidadian (Trinidad is in the Caribbean).
I knew him from years ago and we would often talk but never met up one-on-one. I think it was because he was starting to date someone and then he stopped talking with me once they became official. I was fine with this. I wasn’t offended because I wasn’t attached to him.
“Hey Trinidadian! I didn’t realise it was you. How are you?“
He sent me a longer message back:
“I’m great Anastasia,
Sorry I had a few clients stalking me online so I had to change my name.
Just saw your beautiful face on messenger and thought I’d see how you were doing.
Any new travels? I’m still in XX suburb “
Hmmmm maybe he was contacting me because he was bored or lonely.
“Hmmm I guess you could take stalking as a compliment. I hope it wasn’t anything too strange.
Naww thank you all is well in my world. I didn’t realise that you were in XX suburb. I was living there when I first moved back to the city. Such a nice area.
No new travels for me as of yet. I’m in the process of planning which nowadays seems to require more effort haha. How about you?“
He hadn’t changed a bit. So much energy and zest for life. He was obviously single too, but still had photos of him and his ex-girlfriend on his profile.
“Oh wow, it sounds like you have the perfect set-up haha especially living so close to Costco
Travel stories would be fun, though I have a feeling you may have more to share than I do at the moment. I’m still in the process of deciding my next destination – variety is the spice of life, right?“
I felt bad about leaving The Millionaire hanging. He was a good contact to have and we did have a long friendship history that I wanted to preserve. So I sent him a message:
“Hello TM. I just saw that I didn’t reply to you last week, pardon me. I hope that you enjoyed the rest of your time down South.“
His reply seemed cold, but maybe he was just busy at the time of writing:
“Yes. I did. No problems at all. How’s next week for you“
I didn’t reply until the next day:
“I could do Wednesday evening if that suits you?“
Him: “sounds good. say 7pm? Are you in the North side you mentioned?“
Me: “Yes, still North side“
Him: “How about the eatery at the mall?“
Me: “That would be great “
Him: “see you at 7pm, say meet in front of the cinema “
Me: “Perfecto looking forward to catching up with you again“
Him: “like wise been long time “
Mr Smooth I had also been in contact again a week beforehand, so I decided it was safe to reply:
“Hey Mr Smooth! I’m great thanks. Sure am still here haha. How are you?“
where do you dance these days“
I waited another day before replying. I was really hoping that he wouldn’t ask me to meet for coffee. I didn’t want to have to explain to him how complex my relationship status was with Karate Kid.
“I am still doing a lot of XX dance style these days. I have been wanting to go back to XX dance party or XX dance party for a dance (one of my goals for 2018 haha)“
There’ll be more to come soon, I promise
IMAGE: [JANA GOUTHOVA] 123RF.COM