Dear Diary

Before we get to the good stuff, I wanted to share with you how I feel about some news that I received today.

Do you recall me going to a wedding last year? I went to three last year, but I’m referring to the first one in May (entry ‘Why Weddings are Dangerous – Entry 73′). My friend, the Bride from May 2017 sent me a message to say that she was expecting a baby.

This news was hard to accept. It was just weird that one of my university friends was pregnant but I was also really happy and excited for her. The other thoughts that came to my mind were the ones comparing my situation to hers…..

• She has met the love of her life – I haven’t yet (to my knowledge)
• She is married – I’m not and have no idea if and when it’ll happen
• She owns a house with her husband – I rent and have no idea when I’ll be able to afford a house or if I’ll ever end up with someone that I can own a house with
• She is pregnant – I am not and may never have kids at the rate I’m going
• She has her life together – I don’t

Diary, I know that Karate Kid isn’t the answer to my situation. Me ‘finding’ myself is the resolution…who knows what that means in practice. I think what I struggle with the most is the unknown. I have no idea if I’ll ever be proposed to. I have no idea if anyone will ever want to have children with me. I have no idea if I’ll still be fertile by the time I meet someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me…..the next question is: does it really matter? would I be happier having children in my life?

Who knows, Dear Diary. All I know is that before my friend sent me a message saying that she was pregnant I had no desire to have children of my own. I think it’s the feeling of missing out that is getting to me. I also know that I’ll likely be one of the last ones to get married in my friendship group – this will likely be harder and harder for me to deal with as more and more of my friends pair up and settle down.

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Moving on to less melancholic things…..

BIG NEWS – I was right. I just wanted to highlight something that I thought was evident a long time ago. Let me take you back to March 2017 where I wrote the following paragraph in Entry 50: A Moment to Reflect:

I went to a friend’s engagement party last night. I had a wonderful evening. I met a lovely couple but am harbouring some guilt inside. I feel that I am a threat to the woman, and I think she secretly feels that I am a threat also. It is because I have a lot more in common with her boyfriend of 10 months than she does…the conversation got really awkward when we were discussion Chinese birth signs and I matched with him and she didn’t. I was acutely aware of the developing situation from the start and did my best to contain it. I want friends, not to tempt boyfriends. They both ended up adding me on Facey. I really wished that he didn’t ask me to find myself on his smartphone. I could feel her heart break a little bit. I mentally sent her a promise that I wouldn’t be contacting him and keeping things very platonic. You see, I had invited them to a games event the following weekend. I don’t know if they’ll still come if I seem like a threat. If only they knew how hung up I am on Karate Kid, the dweeb.

So, since then I have become close friends with the girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend). She even came to my birthday party. She is the one that I’m trying to match up with Nice Guy….She is the one that I told that she needed to leave her boyfriend because he had a weird relationship with his sister and that his actions weren’t indicating a positive outcome for their relationship. My friend and I are both relieved at the decision that she made to break up with him.

Her ex-boyfriend sent me a private message last year wishing me a happy birthday and then a happy new year. That is fine, I politely cut off both conversations. The message that he sent this week was not appropriate though:

“Hola Anastasia, how are you? Happy weekend!“

Me: “Haha thank you! I’m doing well thanks”

Him: “Hahaha gracias [for what exactly, I don’t know]. When you have time free for me to call you….“

I didn’t open that message. I only read the first line from what I can see. I’ll open it in a week’s time. This guy needs to cool down and reflect. He has just broken up with his girlfriend maybe two months ago and he should know that I am friends with her.

 

Also in my inbox this week are four messages from Mr Lady’s Man (A Moment For the Forgotten – Entry in October). As above, I will open them in a week’s time because all I can see is the last of the four messages, which says “…..of course, no pressure 🙂 “. Karate Kid really needs to pick up his game! People are still oblivious and I don’t like to be the one to break the news to people, but I’m going to have to continue doing it so it seems.

 

It has been about two weeks since I heard from Mr Smooth I, so I decided to be polite and reply to him. He last asked me if I was still living in this city:

“Hey MSI! I’m great thanks. Sure am still here haha. How are you?“

He hasn’t replied yet so I guess he’s given up or found someone else to love.

 

I’ve also received some messages from The Spaniard:

This week he sent a picture of ice cream that translates to: Good morning – Life is like an ice cream – You need to enjoy it before it melts.

I replied: “Haha good morning TS. Life is sweet like an ice cream too haha”

The next day he sent through another message:

“Hola Anastasia. How are things? Have you found a new job yet?“

I admire his persistence, but it also perplexes me. We hardly talk, why would he want to see me again when we are separated by land and ocean and we are almost perfect strangers?

I replied the next day:

“I’m well thanks TS. Haha I’d like to but there aren’t many jobs at my level here. There are only junior roles being advertised. They also don’t pay as well. Hopefully something appears soon. ?How are you?

No reply yet. I am so sure that he wouldn’t fly to another Country to see me again. He must have been drunk the day that he said something like ‘If you’re not coming back to Spain then I’ll have to come to visit you’.

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Another update is that there are a couple of photos from the camping trip and from dancing over the weekend of Karate Kid and I. He has put them on his timeline and has tagged me. I know that he is waiting for me to allow them on my timeline….but I won’t be doing that. It’s not just to make a point that I can hide evidence of us being together as well as he has the past few months (okay, maybe it is partly because of that)….it’s more that I don’t like how I look in the photos and also that I’m not ready to tell my family about him yet and I don’t want them to find out over Facey. I wonder if he just assumes that I’ve already told my family about him?

Anastasia

 

IMAGE: [JANA GOUTHOVA]  123RF.COM