Dear Diary

This week has been a testing week. When I do on-call it’s for seven days straight I generally find it hard to sleep….which makes me extra precious by the second day in.

On Tuesday, Karate Kid replied to my message from the previous day:

“Hello wabbit,

They [his cousins that I’m to meet soon] haven’t sorted out the times for bowling/bbq yet…. I’m hoping they change the date…lol….got a feeling I’m going to be exhausted [after the long group walk we have planned for next weekend]….

Give you a call tonight or are you finishing late?“

Why is he calling me Wabbit again and not Snowflake? He knows that I prefer Snowflake. Maybe he only uses Snowflake to soften me when I’m upset with him or to butter me up when he wants something? I need to pay more attention to see if there’s a trend….. He’d been calling me Snowflake for the past week and now has suddenly decided to call me Wabbit again? Did it mean that he was feeling less attracted to me and therefore felt I was more of a wabbit than a snowflake?

I waited until I was at home, showered and fed before replying. I was on-call after all so needed to look after my basic needs. I then replied: “I can talk 🙂”

It was my second night on-call so I had a bit of energy but couldn’t really go anywhere to expend it. So I decided to do continuing professional development study. Three hours of study and still no reply from Karate Kid…..not impressed. This guy has some nerve to suggest calling and then leave me hanging.

I needed beauty sleep so put my phone on silent, sent him a text saying “Good night xo” and then rolled over to sleep. He needed to know that he’d missed his chance talking to me that night.

About a minute later, I could hear my phone softly vibrating. Karate Kid was trying to call. No! I already said good night. He left me hanging for three hours and didn’t even have the courtesy to say when he was planning to call. No. Not answering.

The next morning I woke up to a text from him which made my blood simmer:

“I’m home now from the gym. Let’s talk if you’re not too tired. Otherwise, what time you finish tomorrow? 🙂“

My blood simmered for a number of reasons (not at boiling point yet). He would have known that he was going to the gym and could have told me that he wouldn’t be calling until late. Also, he went to the gym……I will be deprived of exercise for the whole week because I’m chained to the on-call phone and need to be close to work. I missed my chance to go dancing or exercising last Sunday because of him. He ended up going out dancing and I was left at home being sensible because I’d missed my opportunity.

I was in fact finishing early on Wednesday, but he didn’t need to know that. I waited until the start of my shift and sent:

“Hmmm text might be easiest“

I didn’t want to be stuck around waiting for him to call at whatever time he might decide to call me again. I might be a sucker to fall for it the first time, but I’m not an idiot to fall for it the second time.

Karate Kid was in a good mood when he replied. I assume it’s from the endorphin rush that he got from going to the gym:

“Good morning 🙂

I want to hear your voice! Actually I want to give you a big hug! What time do you finish today? :)”

His upbeat mood was a little contagious. I resisted the positivity as best I could. I waited until close to the end of my shift:

“I finish at 4pm. I’m on call all week so can’t do much is the thing.”

At 6PM he replied:

“Blah….there is plenty…how about despicable me 3!!! We can have the phone in front of the tv…if it rattles…we can race to see who gets to it first! :p“”

I really wasn’t looking out for my best interests when I replied to him. In retrospect, I should have told him that I was way too tired to have him over. Immediately after sending the following text I had regrets:

“Okay, that sounds like a good idea“

I prepared food whilst I was waiting for him to arrive. It really was not convenient having him come around – what was I thinking rewarding him for his bad behaviour? I was really tired and had to go out of my way to find something substantial to prepare.

An hour later he sent through a message: “Lol….just a good idea?”

I wasn’t in the mood to play his silly games so ignored it. About four minutes after that he called my phone – he was outside my door. I let him in and we were both a bit standoffish. I gave him a towel so that he could shower.

After he had freshened up he came to find me in the kitchen. He told me that he wasn’t really hungry……I stopped, pursed my lips and looked at the food before me…..I’d just gone out of my way to make him something nice and he..wasn’t…hungry….? I cook for him every the time that he comes over – why would today be any different? why wouldn’t he not think to tell me that he didn’t want to eat before inviting himself over?

Karate Kid saw me tense up and proceeded to eat the whole meal. He ended up staying the night. We watched Despicable Me 1. I’ve seen it before and love it so it did make me feel happier. The next morning I gave him the frozen stir-fry meal to take to work for lunch that day, you know, the one that was intended for him on Sunday night (the one that he didn’t get because he changed his mind and decided that he’d go home after dancing rather than stay with me…).

I didn’t hear from Karate Kid until Thursday evening. I did receive his message just before going to bed but was too tired to text-chat with him:

“Finally escaped from my pesky niece and nephew….lol…..I hope you are not falling asleep on the couch….hehehe“

I’ve been sleeping on the lounge chair all week because my house mate is away and it’s better than sleeping in my room. It’ll be sad when she comes back.

When I woke up on Friday morning, I sent a reply:

“Hehehe I bet you had as much fun as they did. Hmmmm I was already fast asleep on the couch long before you sent the message hehe“

He didn’t reply for the whole day…..I wasn’t impressed. He had said to me last Sunday when he ditched me to go dancing that he’d stay over on Friday night and that we could drive to his friend’s kid’s first birthday party on the South side on Saturday morning. I didn’t like this idea as it meant I wouldn’t have a chance to exercise in the morning. I have been feeling really sensitive about being out of shape all week.

I waited until he was due to finish work and then tried to ‘make his life easier’ and hoped that he’d take the carrot:

“Hello cuddly raccoon. How was your day?

Tonight, it’s okay if you wanted to go out dancing or to do something social. I’m on call til Monday morning so can’t do much. I can always drive South and park at XX mall to meet you tomorrow morning.

If you are coming, would you like me to prepare something for dinner? Xo“

An hour later he replied:

“Hello wabbit,

I already said that I was coming the other night. I need to do some errands first…like pickup the bday present etc but will be there later. Hoping about 7.30-8.

Yes, in terms of dinner. Have you had dinner? If not, then yes 🙂“

At the time, I thought that he was being considerate telling me this….but now that I’m writing this entry I realise that he could have volunteered this information a lot earlier without me having to prompt him. He was going to let me sit around for hours wondering when and if he was still coming that night.

Like a fool, I replied:

“Okay, I’ll start preparing in that case so that there’s something nice ready for you when you arrive xo”

At 7:50PM he sent a message:

“Going to be late. Waiting for my sister [who has the bday present]”

The food was already ready to go. I was really disappointed because it meant that he was at least an hour away. I tried to be positive and sent:

“Okay. Yummy dinner waiting for you. Will heat it up when you get here xo”

It was just over an hour after his message that he arrived. He enjoyed the pork ribs that I made.

 

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I found it very hard to sleep on Friday night. On-call and Anastasia just don’t agree. At 4AM, I was frustrated and wanting to sleep but just couldn’t. At 5AM, I decided that I’d go for a walk to get my much needed exercise in. As Karate Kid slept, I got changed into my exercise clothes and then crept out. I did send him a text message saying that I was going walking, just in case he woke up and couldn’t find me.

At 6AM, I returned. He was still fast asleep. Lucky him. I freshened up and then climbed back into bed. At 7AM, he woke up. I made us breakfast and then I went back to sleep – finally, beautiful, beautiful sleep. He was awake and doing things on his phone and laptop whilst I slept. We had to leave by 10AM to get to the first birthday party.

Even though going with him to the party was a big deal in terms of milestones for us, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to be there. I wondered if he would have invited me to go if I hadn’t had made a fuss about being his hidden dirty secret. It was a bit too late to change my mind so I decided that I’d avoid being in any photos next to him. Despite this being a step forward for us, I still wanted him to know I was upset for him denying my existance for so long. No photos until I felt that we were in a proper relationship.

He had the nerve to ask me if I’d drive us the 45 minutes to his friend’s place….um, no. I had hardly slept and was exhausted for one. Secondly, I’m not his personal taxi. I’d given him the offer of me driving myself South to meet him but he insisted on spending the night at my place (because it suited him, not like Sunday night).

I did make us a little late because I was waiting for him to say that we were going…and he was waiting for me to say that I’d finished getting ready…..The drive there was extremely awkward. He hardly spoke and was in a grumpy mood. I wasn’t sure if it was because I made him drive or if it was because I made us 15 minutes late…..

When we arrived to his friend’s place I apologised to his friend that we were late and explained that it was my fault. His friend said that it wasn’t an issue and that we were one of the first people to arrive. Karate Kid relaxed at this point. Diary, the irony is that Karate Kid makes me wait alllllll the time and appears to have no concept of time or common courtesy towards others. I was surprised that he was so stressed about us being a little bit late for a one-year-old’s birthday party. And people say that women are complicated.

During the party there were some highlights to note. Someone Karate Kid knew came up to greet him and then asked ‘Is this your other half?” and gestured at me. I braced myself for rejection with him saying we were just friends. Karate Kid responded ‘yes‘ to his friend which shocked me and then his friend said hello to me. I guess ‘yes’ was still a bit of a half-effort, I mean, he could have carried it further and said “Yes, this is Anastasia, my girlfriend. Anastasia, this is XX my friend from XX, etc“.

Another highlight was talking to another couple that we both knew there…I spoke to the female and she brought up that she had wanted to get married when she was younger and had always known what her perfect wedding would be like. She almost got it, but things didn’t work out. She’s since been seeing this guy for years and was excited about getting married at the start but has since given up the enthusiasm because it may not happen. I felt sorry for her. Later during the party, I was speaking with her partner and Karate Kid came to join the conversation….

The conversation was a bit weird in that I honestly think this guy has a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease. He started the topic of conversation by stating that ‘All women are crazy. They are! all of them. Sorry, I don’t mean to offend you, Anastasia. The truth is that all women are crazy.” He talked for a while but the main points he raised were: once a month his partner gets crazy, he used to fight with her but now he just accepts things and is patient with her (he overemphasized the word ‘patient’ a couple of times), he’s in no rush to get married because it takes a long time to get to know someone and feels that they have done well not killing each other thus far, he misses his bachelorhood but can’t imagine life without her, and that they don’t want children yet because they are enjoying being ‘selfish’ for a bit longer.

During this conversation Karate Kid just laughed awkwardly. I bit my tongue even though there were things that I wanted to ‘educate’ this guy on, like, how he should respect his long term girlfriend more and ask her to marry him because he should know by now if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her or not.

Karate Kid did try to empathise with this guy a couple of times and had the nerve to mock me for wanting things to be made more obvious to others that we are seeing each other and that he’d prefer things to flow casually and naturally…..I was really upset – I wasn’t being crazy when I repeatedly brought up this issue with him. I was a legitimate issue that I was ready to leave him for – multiple times! I was wanting him to man up and show some level of minimum commitment towards me after seeing each other for maybe six months, rather than him hiding me away as his dirty secret. It really hurt having him mock me in front of me. It just made me even more determined to make sure that there would be no photographic evidence of us ever again until he mans up properly (which I may never give him the chance to do).

The final notable highlight was the mother of the one-year-old. She had been wanting to meet me for a while. Near the end of the party she made it her business to come and learn whatever she could about me. It didn’t take me long to realise that this woman loves gossip. She even said to one of the other guys at the party that she knows ‘everything’ from what his girlfriend tells her. Mental note – let’s not tell this woman too much. Ever.

On the drive home, I pre-empted that Karate Kid would be wanting to ditch me again and hightail it to the dance party on that night. So, I asked if he’d be leaving for his place to go and get ready. He didn’t really answer my question. I was more than happy for him to go, I was grumpy and irritable, being alone would be healthy for me, I’d judge him for his poor choice still, but I’d had me-time. When we got to my place he decided to stay for a nap, to watch Despicable Me 2 and for dinner (which I had to invent because I wasn’t prepared).

Part way through the movie, I got a serious call on the on-call phone. It took me over an hour to resolve. Karate Kid was bizarrely entranced by the end of it. He said that he liked seeing the professional side of me and not just the side that likes making money (what sort of monster does this judgmental, selfish guy think I am?). I was still annoyed at him so ushered him out of my place and on his way to the party to dance with other girls.

He left soon after for the party and I tried to sleep. I resented being on call and I resented him for going out dancing. I worried about him having fun with Plain Jane Peasant Maiden. But honestly, Dear Diary, that night I was happy for her to take him from me. I keep having flickering images in my mind of the photos I have of him with his other ex that I extracted from his profile the other month. My friend thinks that she’s stunning (not PJPM, another ex GF)…I don’t agree obviously and was offended when she said such a thing…but her words have been bothering me…this ex kind of is attractive and very fit (more fit than me at the moment) and I am envious that he still has pictures displayed of them together on his profile. None of me 😦

I’d be seeing Karate Kid on Sunday afternoon for the pool party at a mutual friend’s place that he instigated the other week. I wasn’t looking forward to it because I was feeling bloated from this newly inserted copper IUD, chunky from not exercising and just ugly in general. There was no way that I was putting on a bikini in front of people. I was wondering how rude it would be if I didn’t go at all….

 

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In other news, during the week The Millionaire has been sending a few messages online:

TM: “Looking forward to catch up next week.. Off to XX town tomorrow“

Me: “Enjoy your trip!“

Next day:

TM: “haha im already here and enjoying.. have you been here?“

Day after:

Me: “I have been once many years ago“

TM: “just love it very much“

Me: “It is a beautiful part of the world. Under-rated“

TM: “thats what i always say…“

TM (again): “you can see the aurora here“

Me (getting excited): “Really? oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’d never realised until now!“

TM: “lets go join me… it is really nice“

Hmmm not making any promises Mister.

Me: “XX place just got better. I’m about to head out. I hope that you have a great evening!“

He hasn’t suggested a time for us to meet up next week yet. I really only have two time slots that could work. If he leaves it too long there’ll only be one time slot and it may not suit him.

Also waiting in my Facey inbox, were surprise messages from The Photographer and Mr Smooth I.

The Photographer sent one on Saturday lunch: “I’m just at XX cafe now and just thought of you, lol”

It’s the cafe that we spoke about on New Years Eve when we last saw each other and he seemed interested in me. I replied something like: “Lucky you! I’m a little envious”

Mr Smooth I sent: “How is going, still living in City X?“. I will reply in a few days.

No word from The Spaniard in maybe two-and-a-bit weeks. I think that he’s finally given up, Diary. This is a very good thing.

 

Anastasia

 

 

IMAGE: [JANA GOUTHOVA]  123RF.COM