I’m happy to report that the first double date went well. I finished work late and Karate Kid came to my place to pick me up. I wore a pretty floral dress and the snowflake necklace that he gave me for my birthday.
On the way to dinner, I told Karate Kid that I’d received correspondence from the Asia job. I wasn’t successful with the position (I have a feeling it was a funding issue as my friend received the same news). I was relieved when I found out because it meant that I didn’t have to make any heart-wrenching decisions…..though, I would have gone for the money if given the chance. Karate Kid said that he hadn’t wanted to think about it until it was something that we had to think about and that now it was a non-issue (does that mean that he would have opted to break up with me rather than do long distance?).
Anyway, initially leading up to dinner, I wasn’t sure how our friends would react to seeing us together. I’ve known them both for maybe eight years. I met them whilst they were both single and went to their wedding about two years ago. Karate Kid was actually one of their Best Men at the wedding. I didn’t know Karate Kid then. He must have debriefed them beforehand as they didn’t flinch or gawk when seeing us hold hands.
They are expecting a baby which is really exciting for them. They have been trying for two years and finally had success. Though, I’m not the most maternal person, I’m very happy for them and am sure that it’ll be a cute baby when it’s born.
There was an awkward moment when my friend said “I wonder who’s going to tie the knot next”. This made me feel uncomfortable because Karate Kid and I were sitting in front of them. I felt a little bit of heat on us. Was she thinking that we might get married some time soon? I was sure that Karate Kid would run for the hills at a hint of this level of commitment. Her partner interrupted my private awkward moment by saying that it’d likely be mutual friends that have been together for a few years. Karate Kid pointed out that they weren’t even engaged yet.
We finished dinner at 10.30PM. Afterwards, Karate Kid and I went back to my place for the night. I had work the next morning so we couldn’t stay up too late. I didn’t make us breakfast the next day either as we were still full from eating a heavy, late meal.
After work on Saturday, I went straight home to get ready for a friend’s birthday dinner. Karate Kid was also invited as he’s gotten to know this friend through me over the past year. He came to pick me up again which was very sweet of him. This is the dinner that I’d asked if he’d like to be my plus-one to (only because he’d started inviting me as his plus-one to events). But…..because I was so upset with him the week before I had only RSVP’d for myself. Karate Kid was already individually invited on the event page so I figured that he could RSVP for himself – ‘I am his dirty secret after all, so why would I RSVP for us both?‘ was my train of thought last week when I did it. Karate Kid did mention that he’d noticed that I didn’t RSVP for him and that it had irritated him…..I came clean and told him that I’d done it on purpose because he wasn’t advertising to the world that we were seeing each other…silence.
The birthday dinner was fun. Nice Guy went also and didn’t seem to be as friendly and happy to see me as usual. I thought that it may have been because it was quite clear that Karate Kid and I were now seeing each other. I really felt bad for Nice Guy, I just wish that he’d meet a really nice girl soon. If I wasn’t seeing Karate Kid I would consider him because he is such a nice guy and treats women with so much care and respect.
Karate Kid stayed with me on the Saturday night also. On the Sunday morning we went for a walk and then I made us breakfast. We had an hour before I needed to leave for a dance workshop and so I decided to cook my meals for the week. I said that Karate Kid could take a meal for Monday (assuming that he was planning to stay that night). I made a stir-fry whilst Karate Kid played on his Nintendo and phone. Once I’d finished, I went to my dance class and he went to a friend’s place who was hosting a board games event.
Diary, in my mind the plan was that we would go dancing that night and that he’d stay over again……my assumption was wrong, again. After my dance class I went to join the last bit of the board games. Karate Kid slept on the lounge chair for part of it and then I realised what time it was so pardoned us both. He left his car at our friend’s place and I drove us both to the nearby mall for us to have a quick dinner. Karate Kid seemed a bit quite and suggested that we go back to my place to freshen up.
When we got back to my place he felt sleepy so insisted on a power nap. I had wanted to go out for a walk but decided against it so that we could rest for dancing. When we eventually woke up it was getting late. I didn’t have time to get ready and would have only caught the last 30 minutes of the party if I’d gone. Karate Kid still wanted to go dancing and announced that he wouldn’t be coming back to my place that night…..I was hurt. Had I misunderstood? Had he suddenly changed his mind? Why didn’t he want to stay with me the night? I’d even made him lunch for the next day so that he didn’t have to worry about not having gone home….
I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I facilitated him leaving my house as quickly as possible. I still had to drive him back to his car which I resented. I’d really wanted to do some form of exercise that evening. The next week I’d be on-call and would find it difficult to fit in exercise. I also wouldn’t be able to dance for two weeks at least…..why are women so accommodating to men? he looks out for himself and gets what he wants on his terms. If I’d known that he wasn’t planning on staying the night I would have left him at the board games event and went to have a rest so that I could go out dancing myself.
When I dropped him at his car he said to me that he’d stay over at my place on Friday night and that we could drive to his friend’s child’s 1st birthday party after that. I just looked at him and wished him a good week. In my head I was thinking “Really? so you’re inviting yourself over on Friday night? I might have my own plans. Maybe I want to go out to exercise on Saturday morning because I would have hardly done anything all week. I find it easier to exercise without you there because I can go further and earlier. You ditch me at the drop of a hat – why can’t I do the same?”
I was already formulating a plan in my head for Friday. I’d text him at some point saying that him staying over on Friday night didn’t suit as I wanted to exercise on Saturday morning. I’d then suggest that I drive myself to the South of the city to park my car for the morning. He could pick me up from there for the 1st birthday (not from his house of course, because I’m his dirty secret).
I was even considering not going to the birthday party because I could do so many other things with my precious free time. I didn’t know the couple at all (they did want to meet me, though….). This thought process was illogical though. It was counterproductive to what I’d been hoping for for so long. I’d been criticizing him for hiding me from his friends and this event was an opportunity to debut as a couple………I decided that I’d sleep on it before making any rash decisions.
The next day I went to work as usual. I had decided that Karate Kid didn’t like the look of what I’d cooked for our lunches the day before, and that’s part of the reason why he left suddenly (it was very healthy after all).
I also thought about how he’d said that he was wanting to talk about the China trip with me (this was when he was trying to get back on my good side after upsetting me). When I tried to talk about it with him on the weekend he said that he’d need to look at his finances……which means that it won’t be happening – how disappointing. I was so excited when he said that he’d wanted to talk about the trip with me. I am sure that he has never had any intention of going. He must have just been saying it to try to make me less upset with him.
After work, he sent through a message. I was on the phone with a friend so didn’t get to read it until two hours after it was sent:
“Hey hey hey, snowflake. I hope you had a good sleep last night. I realised i missed out on stir fry lunch today…. 😦
Looks like korean bbq is going ahead with my cousins. Actually they are also including tenpin bowling as well….. sadly it will be on the 27th (same day as hike)….. I’m hoping that we can make the bbq at night and skip the bowling……. are you up for bbq?
Yes, i know you like yum cha….need to organise that too! :)”
He sent another message after two hours:
“Thank God….. didn’t setup laptop at your or during board games. … taking forever…..its downloading 3GB to install Windows….. =/”
[The laptop was given to him by his family for his birthday last month]
The first message lifted my spirits. He wanted to introduce me to his cousins? Wow, that’s pretty cool. For the past 24 hours I’d been thinking he was a lousy boyfriend – sometimes it’s good to be wrong. I love Korean barbecues too so it’d be a great night and if I wasn’t comfortable talking I could just eat and eat.
And on the same note, who is this guy? he was expecting me to still give him lunch even though he wasn’t staying the night?? He has his own food at his place. I only give him food if he is staying because he wouldn’t have the opportunity to take his own lunch. That meal is going in the freezer until he stays over on a work night next.
“Hello cuddly raccoon
Oh no! I hope that you had something nice to eat for lunch. Poor raccoon.
I’d love to go to the BBQ. Thank you for thinking of me. What time is the bowling? I think that we would be finished the walk and back in the city by 2pm. If it’s afternoon then you could possibly make part of it? (Though, I think the walk will be exhausting).
Hmmm they make you work for it 😉 lucky you know what to do. Haha if you set it up here or at board games you’d likely have had to miss work today by the sounds of it haha”
Karate Kid didn’t reply that night. I didn’t hear from him during work either.
In other news, I’ve heard a little more from The Millionaire. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him until the end of this week like he said in his last message.
He sent: “Tried to send a picture for you“
Me (a day later): “Hmmm I didn’t receive anything. Which medium?“
TM: “Facebook.. Our dance pic over 7 years ago“
Me: “Oh wow! I can’t see it though haha“
TM: “I know… I will try to send again….It was quite a memory“
What does he mean by ‘quite a memory’? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
Me: “I’m intrigued to see it when it comes through!“
TM: “I have to search it lol was 2 days ago. We have to celebrate our 7th anniversary“
It must have been a Facey memory. That makes sense. He didn’t go out of his way to look for a photo of us, it just popped up coincidentally (unless Facey knows that we have been sending message privately so did it on purpose? technology can be spooky).
Me (playing it down and hoping he wasn’t expecting me to allow it on my wall): “Oh wow! such a long time knowing each other“
TM: “Might be longer I think“
Me: “I think you could be right “
I am sure that I look very young in the photo. I really hope that it’s a nice photo of me! Will wait an see what he comes back with.
The next guy doesn’t have a name yet (I need something distinctive). He’s the one that sent me a message leading up to my birthday in December. He was asking if we could celebrate my birthday with chocolate or dessert (so, so tempting). Here’s how the conversation went:
“Hello Anastasia! I have a family birthday on the Coast so I wont be able to make your birthday but I would love to take you for dessert some time next week if you’re free!!- do you like chocolate??“
What sort of rhetorical question is that? of course I like chocolate! Figuring that it wasn’t worth upsetting Karate Kid over (because we were on good terms at that point in time) I replied:
“Hello XX. Thank you so much! that’s so sweet of you. I think next week is going to be really busy. I’m sure we can find a time when things have quietened down from Christmas and NY mayhem “
I hadn’t heard from this guy until this week:
“Hey! Happy New Year Anastasia! don’t forget to let me know when you’re free “
This guy is really nice and harmless. I think it’s important to keep platonic friendships going because they stand the test of time. Relationships come and go. My calendar was already pretty full though….Just like The Millionaire, he’d have to wait approximately two weeks before I could squeeze him in.
“Happy new year to you too XX how about Sunday 28th Jan or an evening of the week starting Mon 29th Jan?“
He replied: “Hey! Sunday 28th would be perfect, how does mid morning sound to you?“
I had to think about my reply for this one. I was sure that Karate Kid would be staying over on the Saturday night….he’d also likely be ditching me at a moment’s notice if he realised that he wanted to do something without me…..fair’s fair, right, Diary? I’d just tell Karate Kid that I have brunch plans and that he can go do his own thing rather than chew up my all my spare time and then love and leave me without warning.
The thought also crossed my mind: Is what I’m doing morally correct? Technically, I’m seeing Karate Kid…but we aren’t super official yet. I mean, there’s no ring on my finger. This guy and The Millionaire are my friends and I’d genuinely like to have a conversation with them both. Karate Kid is always talking to his female friends online and who knows if he catches up with them when I’m not around. I think that as long as it’s platonic, it’s okay. I seriously doubt that anything would happen. I mean, if there’s anything that I’ve learnt from my reflections whilst writing these entries is that men move at snail’s pace. If this guy or The Millionaire were interested in me I’d likely have a good six months before they actually did anything about it. By then, things between Karate Kid and I would have declared themselves.
I replied: “That sounds good, it should be enough time to sleep in after the Saturday night dance party haha“
I contacted Shy Guy to confirm if he was coming on our camping and hiking trip in two weeks time. I needed numbers so that I could confirm the accommodation. He said yes and so I replied:
“Yay! I’ll book us a third tent today. We will definitely be needing it “
He then sent a message, but I didn’t read it for a few days:
“\o/ ………sorry for the late reply on that one btw
my phone didn’t show your message until then… I checked it at lunch but I think the mall has bad reception, or maybe it’s the data limit mode I have on my phone“
After I posted an update on the camping and hiking event page he sent another message which I did read. I then realised that I’d missed his message above:
“Sausage fest in cabin 2! “
I’d put all the boys together as I didn’t want the girls feeling uncomfortable (or having to deal with snoring). Dance Teacher had also made comment about being split up from the girls. He’d said that it was the new age and that the guys would invade the female cabin….I said that this was fine because we’d just relocate to their cabin and rename it ‘females only’.
I replied to Shy Guy: “Haha we can always reorganise on the day. But, the girls may want their own tent haha“
I was being polite but also limiting small talk. I was seeing Karate Kid after all and he knew this for certain now.
IMAGE: [JANA GOUTHOVA] 123RF.COM