Dear Diary

Please pardon me for not being able to write to you sooner. There’s been a lot that I’ve wanted to share with you. Let’s start with last Friday….

The last entry started with butterflies, rainbows and unicorns and was rudely interrupted by an unexpected surprise from Karate Kid – he had changed his mind about paying for my friends and my movie tickets to see Star Wars that night. As you can imagine, I felt betrayed, offended and hurt that he’d go back on his word (even though he never said anything when it was discussed on two occasions – but not saying anything means that you are agreeing to the gross assumptions being formulated before your very own eyes). It wasn’t about the money, it was the principle.

Feeling very insulted that he’d suddenly changed his mind about shouting us our tickets to see Star Wars, I started thinking about how it would be better not to go to the cinemas at all that evening. I was also embarrassed because I’d told my two girlfriends how he was being generous paying for our tickets….to turn around and say that he changed his mind sounded really bad. I also knew that there were people going to the cinemas who were wanting to meet me because they knew that I was dating Karate Kid. It was a big deal me going that night.

My pride got the better of me in the end. I decided I’d throw my weight around to demonstrate how independent I could be. I’d transferred him the money for the tickets already so they were mine to do with as I pleased. Diplomatically, I consulted my two girlfriends who were travelling to stay with me the weekend. They both liked the idea of going out for din-dins, drinkies and dancing better than going to see Star Wars. So it was unanimously decided: no movie!

I’d told Karate Kid that I wasn’t going to tell my friends about the hiccup…..but they saw straight through me so I told them what was happening (I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions/lying). I think that this could have been a mistake in the bigger scheme of things as one of my girlfriends decided that she did not approve of Karate Kid at all as I had never had anything good to say about him that she could remember and that this was the last straw. She didn’t hold back for the duration of the weekend with making it clear to him that she didn’t like him…..On reflection, I should not have let this situation happen. When you are with someone there should be solidarity in the partnership (even when you’re angry). I should have discussed things with Karate Kid first and not been so open about my ulterior motive for changing evening plans with my friends. It wasn’t fair for Karate Kid to be hated when he hadn’t had a chance to demonstrate his positive attributes to my friends. I’m sure that there’ll be longer lasting repercussions for us because of this slip-up. I’ll just have to damage control as we go.

Back to Friday’s mindset: feeling worked up and angry about Karate Kid’s treason, I decided that I’d rearrange the seating for my birthday dinner on Saturday night. Originally, I had seated us together, because that is what you do when you’re a couple……but I was angry and Karate Kid had seriously done some damage with his callousness. I was having serious reservations about whether I was willing to give him a second chance. I was no longer ready to advertise us as a couple.

The table arrangement was fun. I tried to mix everyone up so that they could meet new people and also discover things that I knew that they had in common. I’d already put a lot of work in and didn’t want to make too many changes so had to put myself on the tablet with Shy Guy and Polar Bear. I knew that this would upset Karate Kid, so I made sure that I was not seated directly next to either of them. I instead sat next to a married man and a good girlfriend.

It was starting to get late in the day. I sent a message to Shy Guy before I sent one to Karate Kid. Shy Guy had personally invited me so it was only polite to let him know that I wasn’t going to make it. It was a hard text message to write as I felt bad, but it needed to be done:

“Hello Shy Guy
The girls really want to explore Brisbane seeing as they are from out of town. We will eat in the city tonight and then try to make it for the movie :)”

Shy Guy replied soon after with:

“Hi 🙂 Okay that’s cool. I’m going to the city myself for comics etc now before dinner, might head over a bit after 7, c u tonight :-)”

Hhmmmm I was concerned that he didn’t understand my subtle way of saying that I wasn’t coming at all, bless. When I said try, I actually meant that we weren’t going to make it for the movie…..how awkward. I waited a few hours and then sent a message at 6.30PM:

“We definitely aren’t going to make it tonight. None of us can drive because we have had alcohol haha”

This was conveniently true.

Shy Guy: “Oh what… cab?”

Me: “We only take limousines hahahaha”

Shy Guy: “Haha do ittt”

Shy Guy (again): “Get your drunk asses here!”

~ 1 hour later

Shy Guy (again, again): “Okay well I hope you have a good night x”

I ignored his messages as we were busy being fabulous. I also didn’t want to be texting him when Karate Kid was there with him.

I did inform Karate Kid that we weren’t going to dinner or the cinema with him and his friends. He sent me a message at 4PM:

“Hi Anastasia, I hope you are having an awesome time with your friends.

Yes, I understand. The embarrassment. Your feelings. Me not being clear. i will pay for their tickets. I will give back your money. No more on this topic.

Its your birthday party weekend. Let’s have a great time tonight.

Come at 7:30 tonight. Meet at the Plaza. I’m thinking cafe mi as it has more modern food and we can eat outside if we got large numbers.”

Even though it was a sweet message, I was still frothing at the mouth with anger. I had long passed the point of no return. Alternate plans had already been made and my friends were excited about going out. At 6PM, I wrote back:

“Hi KK. Please don’t transfer anything. I’m definitely wearing the costs as we have already changed plans. I’m happy to lose the money. We have decided that we will eat in the city tonight and then likely go out dancing.“

(I actually wasn’t happy to lose the money, I have been haemorrhaging money this past month and still had money that I’d have to splash that weekend – but it’s the principle!)

KK: “Why this sudden change of plans?“

Really? He hasn’t connected the dots yet? I’d tell him the whole truth later. But for that point in time all he needed to know was:

“Because we like dancing and getting dressed up pretty.“

In that message, I also sent him screen shots of my messages to my girlfriends saying that he was “being a sweetheart and shouting us our tickets….” and my friends replying with “Cool! Thanks KK 😀 :D”

At 9:20PM he sent: “Ok have fun. Wish you were here. Turning off phone for movie. Talk to you later.”

The words ‘wish you were here’ pulled at my heartstrings….he meant it. Even though I really wanted to be there with him too, I continued to hold up my chin with pride – it was out of principle.

The next morning at 11am, Karate Kid sent another message:

“Good morning Anastasia! Yes, I have seen the sms’s. I do feel bad as I do see the happiness in those sms. 

For tonight, I will bring top hat…. did you end up getting the frame? Do you need me to get it? Do you need more stuff? I will bring a camera if you need it.

I’m having breakfast with my cousin today.“

Stop being nice! I’m angry! I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need her movie tickets paid for! Grrrrrr. The last bit of him message was to say that he was doing something else for brunch because I hadn’t followed through and given him the details of our brunch plans (I’d invited him to join our weekend feasting when we were having a blissful time on Thursday night….. before things turned sour on Friday morning). I replied:

“It was more to show you that I was convinced that you weren’t going to let me give you the money for our tickets. I said twice that I’d need your bank details and you said nothing. I look like a fool going around saying things that aren’t true because I’m making major assumptions based off your body language because you didn’t speak up and say that I had misunderstood and that you weren’t going to pay. I never expected you to pay for them, that’s why I asked you twice for your bank details.

I told them that I fixed our bill with you so that they didn’t feel bad about not going to movies last night. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the movie if I had gone because I was upset with feeling blindsided.

It’s too awkward with money now. I think it’s best for me to look after myself and pay my own way for everything because it’s too painful and confusing trying to understand how you operate. I won’t be able to do much for a while because I have spent too much on party, travel and other stuff recently. I’ll do what I can afford and when.

It’s nice of you to want to help out today but I can look after myself.

Enjoy your breakfast with your cousin.”

He didn’t reply to that message. I felt bad sending it but I also needed to stick to my guns….

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At the start of my birthday party when I was greeting guests I seriously started to doubt if he’d come to the party at all. Most of the guests had arrived apart from him…I told myself that I wouldn’t let it ruin my night. It did make me reflect on how harsh I’d been to him. We hadn’t had a chance to discuss the misunderstanding and I was strapped up well above ground on my high horse.

Karate Kid arrived just before entree. I was relieved but also angry to see him. He said hello to other people and then sheepishly came to greet me. I kept him at arm’s length for the course of the evening, I wasn’t going to risk people making assumptions that we were dating based off body language.

My girlfriend that hates him took pleasure in watching him look for his name on the tablets. He found my name first and then looked for his name….which wasn’t there. She said he looked shocked and disappointed….I do feel bad about this now despite not having any remorse at the time.

Nice Guy came to greet me just before Karate Kid did. Nice Guy gave me wonderful compliments on how I looked as he hugged me and then gave me a gift. It was a beautiful stone necklace. A square Topaz stone for December (very thoughtful) with small cubic zirconias lining it’s edges. He helped me to put on the necklace and Karate Kid watched from the side lines. I felt a little awkward because it should have been Karate Kid showering me with compliments and giving me jewelry (not Angry Beaver DVDs) but I was so grateful of Nice Guy’s gesture so I decided to lap it up. One of my homosexual guy friends also gave me stunning earrings as a gift. I hoped that Karate Kid would take note of the contrast between his gift and theirs.

Shy Guy never showed up to the party. Karate Kid came over and noticed his absence and told me that he was out at a dance party. This did upset me a bit as Shy Guy lives on Facey and would have received notifications that the party was on……I wondered if he was offended that I had boycotted the movie the night beforehand and hadn’t replied to his last messages…..

Karate Kid brought his camera with him and took photos of everyone despite me insisting that I didn’t need his help. I did appreciate it, but wasn’t going to let him know that just yet. He did make sure to get some photos of us together so I made sure that we looked like friends in the photos.

The party was a success and everyone enjoyed the games. Afterwards, some of us went out to a bar afterwards. Polar Bear was very sweet and bought me a drink. As a birthday gift for me he said that he’d take me flying in a plane for half a day (you may remember that he’s training to be a Pilot). At the bar things started to get awkward. Karate Kid decided that he’d ‘claim’ me by coming to sit next to me and stroke my hair and put his arm around me. I could see Nice Guy and Polar Bear looking to assess the situation. I looked uncomfortable and didn’t reciprocate the affection. Karate Kid took my hand at one point and also touched my face……he’d won, it was clear to everyone that something was going on, and I hated every second of being sprung.

Polar Bear announced that we should go to the clubs for some dancing. The group moved to the road to hail cabs. On the way I thanked Nice Guy for the necklace again. He told me that I deserved it and more and then kissed me on the cheek. Both Karate Kid and Polar Bear watched this. I just smiled and acted neutral.

Polar Bear didn’t end up coming to the club with us all. I wondered if I’d still get the chance to go up in a plane with him…..he’d always been neutral and has never treated me as more than a friend…I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Karate Kid sat in the front of the cab and Nice Guy sat next to one of my girlfriends who has recently split up from her boyfriend. When we arrived to the club district Karate Kid held my hand in the street. He knew that I didn’t like being out on the streets after midnight. I felt awkward because I knew that Nice Guy was watching us and processing the information.

Inside the club, we found a circular booth to sit at. Karate Kid sat next to me at the start and put his arm around me and also stroked my hair. As people shuffled around getting up to buy drinks, I eventually ended up between Karate Kid and Nice Guy. At one point Nice Guy went to put his arm around me, pulled back when he realised that Karate Kid was on the other side and then touched my shoulder and kissed my cheek…..so, so awkward. I just smiled and didn’t look at Karate Kid….too awkward.

I then decided that we should all get up and dance. I wasn’t having the time of my life and neither was one of my girlfriends, Karate Kid or Nice Guy. Only three really wanted to be there so I told them that the rest of us would be going soon. We negotiated that we’d stay for three more songs, then leave them to enjoy the night. To my surprise, when the three songs were up, Nice Guy elected to stay at the club. I discovered the reason for this later that night when my friends reported that he was getting along really well with my newly single friend and that he’d dropped her to her place after they’d all finished their night out…..

Karate Kid paid for the cab for us to get back to the Airbnb place that I was staying at. My other friend had to catch another cab or Uber back to her place 20 minutes away. She’s prone to bad luck so I asked Karate Kid if he’d take her home….it was out of his way, but he did it. I really appreciated it.

When I checked my phone in my room at 2AM, a message popped up from Shy Guy:

“Omg that was tonight? Nooo”

He then tried to call me….but I wasn’t going to answer the phone at 2AM for a guy. He then sent another message:

“Booo I’m so sorry I didn’t even realise that was today… I went to dance party and was going to pay you there! Well I hope you had a great night”

Well orchestrated, my friend. I probably could have done better myself, though. We both know that you knew very well that it was my birthday party that night. I was upset because what he did was very selfish. You see, Dear Diary, I had heavily subsidised the cost of my party for my friends so that all of them could come. The cut-off for final numbers was a week earlier, which meant that I had put some of my minimum spend towards someone and that money could no longer be used on alcohol……this translates to 120 dollars less for alcohol consumption. Times that by three who couldn’t make it on the night (one of them had a legitimate reason and I don’t mind having lost the money in that case – it’s principle at the end of the day, it goes both ways).

Being diplomatic, I replied at 7AM the next morning:

“I wondered if everything was okay. Glad that it was just a mistake with dates. I hope dancing was fun.”

Unconvincingly, he replied: “Feels bad! =/ dancing was okay… needed more karaoke

The karaoke comment was reference to me singing whilst dancing. Things had changed dramatically for us because of his conduct that night. He was being black-listed from the dating pool for eternity. Sorry, Shy Guy, but some things cannot be overlooked.

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On Sunday morning, I was feeling less angry:

“Goood morning KK
Thank you for taking lots of photos and videos last night.
If you wanted to still join us for brunch we will be aiming to meet at 10am. I’m not sure where yet, it’ll depend on XX. When he wakes up we will find out. I’m sure it’ll be inner city Southside suburbs.“

He did join us for brunch. He came late and so had to sit next to my girlfriend that hates him….it was a little awkward. Before he had arrived she told the whole table that she did not approve of our relationship…..I didn’t know what to say or do, the situation really was the fruits of my doing. I felt bad for him and really regretted my actions on Friday. When we finished brunch, I took my visiting girlfriends shopping until their return trains and flights. Karate Kid would spend the day at home sleeping. We parted with him kissing me on the cheek because I turned my head….

After dropping my last girlfriend at the train station I contacted Nice Guy. His Tuxedo coat and vest were in my car from the night before (he didn’t want to take it to the club). These were our messages on Sunday (the initial one I sent varied forms to all guests to thank them for coming):

“Good morning Nice Guy. Thank you so much for coming to the party last night! It was so special having you there to share it with. I hope that you enjoyed yourself as much as I did.
I absolutely love the necklace that you gave me. It’s a stunning and thoughtful gift. I’ll certainly enjoy wearing it for years to come.
Thank you for helping to make my birthday such an amazing night :D”

Nice Guy: “Good morning my beautiful Anastasia! Thank you for inviting me! Last night was amazing and so much fun! I think you missed your calling, you should’ve been an events manager! I loved the games and the way our phones were confiscated at the start of the night lol and the food was also delicious 🙂
As for the birthday present, it was absolutely my pleasure. You can’t come dressed like and feeling like a million bucks and not bring a present that matches 🙂
You deserve it (and so much more)! You’re such a beautiful soul. You have such a big warm heart, so kind and loving, last to take but always the first to go out of your way to help anyone. It definitely does not go unnoticed, not by me anyway. Xxxxx”

He always says such nice things. He truly is a nice guy.

Me: “Thank you Nice Guy, you always have such nice things to say 🙂
I have your vest and jacket. I’ll be dropping my friend at XX train station at 4.30pm-ish. I could drop them to you if you’ll be home around then?”

Nice Guy: “Don’t go out of your way for me, you must be exhausted after planning the night and then going out. There’s no rush for me to get it back. I’m hoping to have everyone over early jan to jump in the pool and for a BBQ or pizza, and I’m sure we will see each other dancing, I’m not going to give that up anytime soon lol
Or instead of making a special trip, we can always go out to breakfast or go for a walk and I’ll just get it off you then :)”

Concerned about losing his tuxedo and vest or ruining them both, or having him lose them at the next dance party that we go to, I decided it was best to return them then and there.

At his place, during conversation I thanked him for dropping my friend home. He was surprised and asked me how I knew that he’d given her a lift home. I explained that I was expecting her to crash on our Airbnb couch for the night and she didn’t come home with my two friends so I asked where she was. I wondered if he didn’t want me to know that he’d been showing interest in my newly single friend (my girlfriends reported back to me that they noticed some chemistry).

I didn’t feel any chemistry with Nice Guy. He was very sweet and I was wearing the necklace that he’d given me the night before…but I couldn’t picture myself kissing him (which is important, you’ve got to want to kiss them). I hoped that my newly single friend and he hit if off — On a side note, another single friend who went to my birthday party sent me a message later that day saying that she liked Nice Guy and would like to get to know him more….I don’t like to force things unnaturally, so I told her that she should come to the group woodlands walking trip scheduled for mid-January. He’d be going to that and we could let nature take it’s course.

I was irritated that Karate Kid hadn’t sent a follow-up text message all day. At 6.50PM, I sent him one:

“It’s starting to get late, I guess you’ve changed your mind. I’m going to do my own thing. Have a nice evening.”

I huffed and then went to have a shower as it had been a very long day. After the shower there were two missed calls from Karate Kid and a message:

“I didn’t changed my mind. I was waiting for you to tell me when your friends had left. I’m driving over now.”

An hour later he arrived. The poor guy just can’t seem to do anything right by me. I even felt bad for him. We had a good chat about the movie payment situation and other hurtful things from the weekend.

He did comment that he noticed that we weren’t sitting together at my birthday party and that Shy Guy was supposed to be at my table. He didn’t hesitate to tell me that Shy Guy has boycotted special events multiple times in the past and is very tight with his money. Karate Kid offered to speak with Shy Guy on my behalf but I said that it wasn’t worth the effort. It was an expensive lesson for me to learn, and that’s all it was.

He also told me how funny it was to see Nice Guy’s shocked reaction when one of my tipsy girlfriends when up to Karate Kid at the party and said “You know that I’ve stalked you on Facey. I wanted to see who my friend was dating.” ……hmmm that’s not how I wanted to break the news to certain people, but what’s done is done. For all she knew I was just as committed to Karate Kid as I was before he changed his mind about paying for our movie tickets.

Karate Kid said that he had brought a top hat and other props to help with my Selfie Station at my birthday party. He also had a piñata in the back of his car for me…..I felt really rotten for being so stubborn and strong headed all weekend. He was trying to do the right thing and I was busy teaching him an important life lesson. I told him that he may think that women will take whatever they can get from men…but in majority of cases this is not true – we only accept what is being offered if we are comfortable to do so – it’s actually a privilege to be able to spoil a lady as she uses her discretion as to what and from who she will accept. Just think of all the movies where you see women throwing away gorgeous bouquets of flowers – Ladies: think of a man that you don’t like, if he approached you with a gift or a drink in a bar, would you accept it? – Men: Just believe me on this one.

Eventually, I started to let my guard down. I admired how persistent Karate Kid has been despite me pushing him away every time that he does something idiotic. He does rectify his behaviour once he knows what he’s doing wrong which is really important.

I sent him a message this morning:

“Thank you for last night. I am sorry for hurting you by being cold over the weekend.
I hope that you have a nice day and aren’t too tired at work. Xo“

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Other updates that you may be interested in:

I received an unexpected message on Facey on Friday. He is a guy from the dance scene who’s birthday party I went to a few months ago. He’s very quiet and sweet. I couldn’t tell if it was a genuine birthday celebration invitation or a psuedo-date invitation:

 

“Hello Anastasia! I have a family birthday on the Coast so I wont be able to make your birthday but I would love to take you for dessert some time next week if you’re free!!- do you like chocolate??“

Figuring that it wasn’t worth upsetting Karate Kid over, I replied:

“Hello XX. Thank you so much! that’s so sweet of you. I think next week is going to be really busy. I’m sure we can find a time when things have quietened down from Christmas and NY mayhem “

To show respect to Karate Kid, I’d have to ask him permission before meeting this single, eligible male. Hopefully, before then, it’d be common knowledge that Karate Kid and I are seeing each other and this guy won’t follow through on his offer.

Do you remember Mr Smooth I? Well his last message was 8/12/17. He wrote:

“2018 is certainly to Learn Spanish, so don’t keep teasing me and be all cool “I speak Spanish, you don’t, lol”

On 18/12/17, I replied: “Haha vamos a ver entonces” – translates to haha we will see in that case.

No word from The Spaniard yet. I seriously doubt that I’ll hear from him for a long time, if ever again. This is possibly a good thing as it makes life less complicated.

Anastasia

 

Image: [Jana Gouthova] 123RF.com