Until the Break of Dawn – Entry 169

Dear Diary

I may have prematurely preempted things with Karate Kid……it took him another hour before he called me after my break up text.

On the phone, he told me that he’d been playing video games. And hadn’t received my messages until then. I told him that I didn’t believe him and that I thought he had been ignoring me (gosh, I don’t like it when I sound needy and neurotic).

He told me that I should have told him that I was flying overseas earlier. I said that I’d just booked the flights a few hours earlier, which was true.

He said that he wanted to speak with me and I said it was ridiculous to drive 1 hour to see me when I needed to leave for the airport in just 3 hours. He said that he needed to show me something and then said goodbye.

An hour later he arrived at my place. He was very upset. In his hand was a wrapped Christmas present. He handed it to me and told me to open it and then said that he may have to throw it away after what I said in the last messages. I opened the gift….it was an Angry Beavers DVD set that I’d mentioned in my last essay text that he promised and never delivered…..ooops.

When I opened the Christmas present I was very honest with him. I told him that if a man really likes a woman than he gives her romantic gifts. His gift was thoughtful amd sweet, but not romantic which was a bad sign. He told me that the other gift he had in mind for my birthday was more romantic, but that he couldn’t tell me what it was. He also said that he’d thought about sending me flowers to my workplace for my birthday. I told him that that was the sort of thing that boyfriends do and that Iliked how he’d thought of that.

I then reiterated most of the points that I made in my last essay text. I emphasized how he would act if he really liked me versus what he actually does. He told me that I think into things too much. He also told me that he has been hurt in the past. He gave a little bit of insight. He said that one said that she loved him and then turned around at the end and said that she had been lying the whole time. I told him that she was saying that to hurt him, that women don’t use the L-word lightly. He said that he treated her well and did everything a guy should when dating, but that she turned around and threw it in his face (I assume that she left him for someone else). I told him that she was probably shallow and that he must have been wanting superficial things and so found a superficial girlfriend.

He told me that he had taken me to the scary movies Happy Death Day and IT to demonstrate that he would be there to comfort me and make me feel safe if I was scared.

He told me that he was angered by my reference to Plain Jane Peasant Maiden and that he is not interested in her. He said that he maintains conversation with her because it’s polite when you mix in the same social circles. He said that he doesn’t pry into my past dating life but that he assumes that I still talk to my Exs. I thought of Bear and kept silent.

I said that it’d been a very painful and confusing past year for me. He said that when he kissed me on New Years that he wasn’t sure if I was seeing someone or not. He told me that at the start he thought that I may be dating Dance Teacher, The Lawyer or another guy that went to the beach house trip with us. I told him that I hadn’t dated any of them.

We then discussed some misunderstandings that occurred over the first few months before had our first date. I told him that his ‘let’s play secret squirrels’ message was offensive as it suggested that he wanted hanky panky and I wasn’t going there with him or anyone that showed me such disrespect. From that he thought that I wasn’t interested and wasn’t available. I said that I wasn’t dating anyone at that time.

The conversation then went to the same weekend when he asked if I could chauffeur him to the beach house. I told him that he should have been a gentleman and offered to drive me rather than sponging off me. He said that he used it as an excuse to spend time with me. I said that if he was a genuinely interested that he would have offered to drive me. He then said that I said that I was going shopping. I told him that I made that up as a deterrent because I didn’t want to drive him down. He was shocked. It worked, didn’t it? Haha. I said that women need to guard themselves against men as men will take as much as they can get and then leave you to die in the gutter. He was shocked again by this, so I elaborated. I said that I’v heard so many times about women being broken up with after 7 or so years of dating. The guy should know after a year if it’s going anywhere. Also, by 2 years he needs to make a decision to formalise things as by then he should definitely know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her (This was my indirect way of telling Karate Kid that the timer was well and truly on and that he had until 2 years to make up his mind).

Because he indirectly asked, I briefly told him about my dating history. I told him that I have had teo significant relationships and two that almost because significant and then lots of firsr dates. I told him that I don’t waste my time going on dates if I know that it’s not going to work out. He remained quiet and processed the information.

He didn’t share his dating history but we can explore this another time when I don’t have an international flight to catch.

He said that this Sunday he wanted to show me off to some of his martial arts friends. One was at a birthday dinner that we went to the other month (we were both friends with the birthday boy). He sad that this particular friend at the same dinner mentioned to him after that he should date me (that was just after we started dating without telling anyone). He then said that another person from the dance scene had told me not to bother chasing me as I likely wouldn’t be interested.

He said that if I’d told him before booking airport parking that he would have driven me to the airport. My alarm went off at 5.20am and that’s when we had to vacate. He told me to keep the Angry Beavers DVD set until we could watch them together. He then ushered me first through the door and took my port to my car for me.

We hugged and kissed goodbye at my car. We waved as I drove past on my way to the airport. I hoped that he’d make it home safely without having any sleep last night.

At the airport I sent him a text:

Thank you, KK. Thank you for confronting me and being gentle with me when I had given up.I do appreciate the things you do in your own way for me. I also appreciate you wanting to resolve issues as soon as possible.

I’m very cautious when it comes to dating and use any information that I can get to assess where things are at. If I note things that are negative I don’t like to wait around and pretend that everything is fine. I think it’s because the first time I fell in love blindly and thought the world of the other person. I would have blindly gone to the end of the world for them. They didn’t love me the same and knew from the start that culturally I’d never be accepted by his family. He selfishly took 2 years and more from me. He broke me and it took a few years before I forced myself date again.
It all could have been avoided if he had integrity. He knew what he was doing the whole time. All men know what they’re doing, it’s just that some have integrity and others don’t.

I hope that you get some good rest xo”

I really need some sleep, Dear Diary. Pulling all nighters has never been a strength of mine. Lucky I suffer from plane narcolepsy so can enjoy a power nap soon.

Anastasia

Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com

2 thoughts on “Until the Break of Dawn – Entry 169

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