Comparing Lemons with Apples and Oranges (Karate Kid being the Lemon) -Entry 166

Dear Diary

The week has been unfolding in a frustrating fashion… and I think I’m finally at the point of not being able to care anymore.

Monday morning I woke up and thought I’d try to be positive and cooperative. Karate Kid had said he’d take time off work and wanted to plan something nice with me. We sent many texts during the day and almost committed to a day cruise with snorkeling deal….but the company cancelled the day tour an hour after I booked it as they thought the weather may be bad. I had checked the weather forecast and it said that Wednesday would be fine. So in essence, Karate Kid and I did not settle on anything. We weren’t able to discuss it further as he was having a hospital sleep over to be fitted for a sleep apnoea machine.

Tuesday morning, I woke up more irritated that we had no plans. I didn’t feel like forcing myself to be positive and cooperative so ignored his morning text saying he’d finished his apnoea machine fitting and that we could find our own way to the snorkeling site on Wednesday. I wasn’t sure if he was having Tuesday off to do things around the house like he said he might do. I figured if he had the day off and really wanted to do something with me then he could research and book it himself. This didn’t happen of course.

At 2pm he sent a message asking what I was doing. I read the text at 2.45pm when my friend left my place and I replied that I’d just finished lunch. He sent a message straight back saying he had wanted to have lunch with me….at 2pm? And where exactly when he lives on the other side of the city? At least now I knew that he had taken the day off so we could plan a getaway. Wanting to be nice, I replied that I would have loved to have had lunch with him. He then said that he wanted to see me. I really wanted to see him too but I was expecting an international call from a close friend. So I told him that if be free after 5.30pm.

At 5.45pm, Karate Kid sent the following message: “i will come over later…..hehehe your gift has arrived….hmmmmm have you got a christmas tree i can put it under? :p

There were two issues with this message. The first was that ‘later’ could mean anything. I thought it best to assume that he must have dinner plans and that’s why he didn’t specify a time. It was beginning to dawn on me that he didn’t respect my time. The second, less obvious issue, was that he mentioned the gift again….this caused me a lot of anxiety because so much was riding on this gift. You see, Dear Diary, it has to be a romantic and thoughtful gift. If it isn’t, then there’s no point in continuing to see him. What a man gives you as a gift for special occasions says a lot about how he feels about the relationship. I knew that Karate Kid had ordered this mystery gift online so it wasn’t jewelry, a massage voucher or perfume…..I’m really worried that it’ll be a random, practical or humerous gift with no hint of romance. I think I’m worried because I know that he’s going to get me a gift that you’d buy a friend, not a lover. Anyway, I’ll have to wait until Christmas to open it (unless I can get my hands on it beforehand….).

At 6.30pm, I sent him a reply: “Okay, I am not sure what time I’ll be home tonight. I can let you know later.  Haha yes, we have a small tree“. Fortunately for me, some lovely friends invited me to dinner last minute. I was wanting something to keep me occupied whilst I waited for ‘later’. The tables had just turned in my favour though – I was the one who could dictate when ‘later’ would be.

I met with my friends at a restaurant that Karate Kid loves. We took some photos at dinner and one of my friends who knows I’m seeing Karate Kid decided to send one to him to tease him. I’d told my friend that I’d get in trouble if Karate Kid saw it….he did reply to my friend and jokingly said that I was in trouble. I knew that he’d be upset as the photo message was sent at 9pm. It was getting to a point of me being just as rude as Karate Kid by leaving him hanging so long. We weren’t going to have much time to plan our snorkeling adventure (if the trip was going to actually happen was another thing).

At 9.30pm, I sent him a message to let him know that I was driving home. He sent a message 20 minutes later as I arrived at my place: “Haha ok. I wonder if i should come over or not :p“……I was not going to tolerate playing games. What was it meant to mean exactly? I ignored his message but had trouble getting to sleep so an hour after his, I sent an abrupt message: “I’m going to bed now. Night“.

Ten minutes later he sent a message saying that he’d be 10 minutes. I turned on the front entry light for him. When he arrived we were both tense. I didn’t kiss him and barely hugged him. He had gone through a McDonald’s drive through to get his dinner as he hadn’t eaten…..I felt really bad, but how was I supposed to know what he was doing? He could have joined us for dinner at his favourite restaurant if I’d known. My guilt subsided quickly when I reasoned that he needed to learn to communicate clearer and also to respect my time.

We spoke briefly but our planning was interrupted by my neighbours having a domestic violence episode. I had to call the police twice that night. When the police eventually came the family was sleeping so there was nothing they could do. Karate Kid and I went to sleep without any plans agreed upon. I tried to prepare myself so that I wouldn’t be upset the next morning when it was confirmed that I’d have another day of vacation poorly spent, courtesy of Karate Kid.

Wednesday morning was difficult to get out of bed. Karate Kid woke me up at 5am so that we could make it to the snorkeling on time. He obviously really wanted to go. I got ready as quickly as I could (I’m not an early morning person). He had the nerve to ask me to drive and so I said that I was too tired. He really needed to start demonstrating that he could look after me every now and again.

I stressed on our way to the port. We hadn’t pre-booked our tickets on the boat so weren’t guaranteed anything. We were also running late. I prepared myself to not be too disappointed when we were denied ticket sales. This was all in vein as surprisingly, we made it just in time. I paid for our tickets which irritated me because they were expensive. Karate Kid didn’t offer to pay for us or even to pay me back. It felt more like that he was leaching off me than that we were being modern and progressive. I told myself that I’d never see that money again and figured that I should see Karate Kid less as he was costing me time, money and resources.

At the snorkeling site he paid for our all-day snorkel hire (half the price of the boat ticket). There was no way that I was ever going to get my money back for his ticket. We then went to prepare for snorkeling. It turns out that Karate Kid is not a confident or strong swimmer. He also had never snorkeled before. We spent time with me demonstrating how to use snorkels and flippers, what to do if water gets in the air tube and what we would do if he panicked in deep water.

I’m pleased to report that Karate Kid and I both survived the snorkel trip. I held his hand and guided him for the first part until I was happy that he was comfortable. We only went to shore once when he was particularly anxious. He was really proud of himself at the end. I was happy for him but also starting to get concerned. I was adding value to his life by teaching him how to snorkel and cycle plus cooking so much for him and paying for things now…..what was I getting out of this relationship?

I think what hurt me the most was partway through the day when I asked what he wanted to do the next day. We had previously discussed going to another seaside town for the evening and maybe squeezing in a show as a gift from me to him for his upcoming birthday…..he told me that he would be working instead as nothing was planned. My heart sank. We had been planning to plan a getaway for that night. He said that we could still do the show after he finished work.

I did some quick mental calculations: I’d be paying for the show; I’d just paid for his boat ticket which was almost as expensive as the show; he’d expect me to drive; and, he was planning to work on Friday also which meant I’d be driving us home late that night.

After completing my analysis of the situation I went quiet and he just looked at me and said “you’re a funny one” I asked why and he said “you know why“. About 10 minutes later he told me again that I was a funny one and I asked why and he said again “you know why“. Communication doesn’t work with Karate Kid. It’s certainly not me, it’s him that is the problem and always has been.

My mood changed for the rest of the day out. I spent idle moments plotting how I would be unavailable for the next two weeks. I was hopeful that he’d say he’d take the time off to go somewhere with me……but this didn’t happen.

When we got to my place he had to rush off to get to Dance Teacher’s dinner party. He was planning another dance congress for 2018. I was also invited and will fill you in more soon. I told Karate Kid that I wouldn’t go as I needed to freshen up after a day in the water and sun. I told him that I hoped he’d have a nice day the next day (at work…and not seeing me that night as I had no intention of going to the show with him). When he left he knew that he was in trouble. I wouldn’t have been so upset if he’d just have been honest with me that he didn’t want to take time off and didn’t waste so much of my time and energy.

I had a shower after he left. It woke me up and I felt a bit irritated and defiant. He had told me to go to bed and rest up as I looked tired….I decided that this wasn’t going to happen today, my friend – I would instead to the exact opposite. I had been avoiding dance parties and social outings because of Karate Kid for too long. I decided that I was going and would show up without even telling him that I’d changed my mind. It was time for Anastasia to wear the pants if she was expected to plan, organise, taxi around and pay for everything.

In the car, I rehearsed how I would deal with prying questions from mutual friends that he told last weekend that we were dating. I decided that I’d be passively ruthless which I was willing to accept the consequences if things went bad for Karate Kid and I. If asked, and only if asked, I’d say that it’s still really early days and that we are just getting to know each other which takes time. I’d try to weave in also that we don’t know how it’ll go but that we are just giving it a go and hopefully we can still be friends if it doesn’t work out. I thought about saying that we have more of a friendship that we are exploring and maybe also that we are such different people with different ways of dating that it likely won’t work out but we thought we’d give it a go anyway. These last two points I thought weren’t appropriate to say so mentally scrapped those cue cards.

Dance Teacher knew that I was coming and that I’d be late. Karate Kid must have eventually found out and sent me a message saying: “Come! We haven’t even started yet 🙂“. I didn’t reply but my internal immediate response was “Screw you! I’ll do what I want to do. I’m not coming for you. I’m coming because they are my friends and I’ve been invited and want to go“.

Karate Kid was awkward when I arrived. I pretended that we weren’t dating and greeted him last as if we were just friends and if we hadn’t just spent the whole day together. He sat next to me at the dinner table and I kept a healthy friend distance between us. At the end of the brainstorming session Karate Kid was starting to stroke my hair and touch my knee which irritated me. He walked me to my car at the end and said two things. He said that he’d text me tomorrow morning to discuss Thursday evening. He also said that I made him look like a liar because he had told everyone that I wasn’t coming and then I decided to show up. I just smiled. It’s a privilege to date me and he wasn’t dating me any longer, he was treating me like a friend so friends we would be.

On the drive home, I decided what I’d say in response to whatever he sends tomorrow morning. I’ll write: “That would have been nice but I need to spend time enjoying my leave. I really want to get out and explore so will be doing that. The show can be organised for another more convenient time” What I also want to add, but won’t, is that I have been grateful for all the time that we have spent together recently but that it could be too much too soon and that it’s probably healthy to spend some time apart. Instead of discussing this with him I’ll just enforce it.

I’m really sad Diary as I really wanted things to work out between Karate Kid and I but I seriously doubt that we could be happy together. He doesn’t treat me the way I want and expect to be treated. I know that there are other men out there who would make me feel special and that I’m the only woman they want in their life.


 

Now for other updates. Last weekend when Karate Kid told me that he shared with mutual friends that we were dating I received a missed call from Dance Teacher the next morning. An hour later I tried to call him back but he didn’t pick up, so I left it. He then sent a text message that night: “Hey lovely 🙂 Called to see how your holiday is going. Are you still on holiday? Also, we are having a brain storming session for next year’s festival on Wednesday night. Would you like to join us? I’d like to explore your idea of the competition a bit more with the crew. Thanks. DT”

I thought that this was very sweet of him. But I was also suspicious that he was contacting me the morning after learning that I was seeing Karate Kid. I did reply to his message a few hours later and said that I was having a nice time off and that I wasn’t sure if I’d be available for the Wednesday night (as Karate Kid and I were potentially going to be at a seaside town for a day or two). Dance Teacher replied to my message with: “Oh nice 🙂 Hopefully the weather clears up so you can enjoy your holiday better. I’m pretty free these days and let me know if you would like to catch up. DT xx”

I felt that the ‘xx’ was a bit too much. Was he trying to intercept the relationship before it became established? I decided it was best not to reply. I was sure that Karate Kid would be upset if I spent time with Dance Teacher. It was interesting that at the dinner party on Wednesday night (that I told you about above) Dance Teacher did mention again that he was free if I wanted to hang out. Karate Kid was there so I didn’t say yes or no. On Wednesday night it was starting to sound like a nice idea as Dance Teacher actually likes to get out and do things, not like Karate Kid.

 

In the world of Mr Smooth I, I felt too rude to tell him that I thought he must have forgotten my name. Instead, to his message asking if I had been dancing a lot I only replied ‘Not so much’. The next day he asked me how my job and study were going. He remembered accurately where I worked and also that last year I had been studying. I’ll wait another few days before replying.

 

The Spaniard has also been in contact again. He sent a photo of him and his son in front of a train and said “Good morning Anastasia. We are in The Spanish Town that has childrens activities……👌”. I was meant to be in Spain at this moment. I wonder if he had requested time off for my trip and had decided to keep it. I sent a neutral reply back the next day that read “Hahaha how cute! It looks like your son is dressed up like the hulk or maybe a military man? It seems like fun”.

Anastasia

Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com

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