Dear Diary
Before we delve into the topic of Karate Kid, I’ll give you some quick updates.
The Spaniard sent a message a week ago. He said that his son woke him up early that morning dressed in Christmas clothes and asked him to put up the Christmas tree. He included a picture of the tree. I haven’t heard from him since. I cancelled my flights to get my refund last week (I think I was holding onto the flights for all this time just in case I wanted to run away…more on this in the Karate Kid section to come). I was meant to be in Barcelona as we speak. I’d likely be writing to you about The Spaniard right now if I had gone. I’m happy with the decision that I made not to go.
Mr Shy Guy had sent me a message teasing me about my knowledge of song lyrics the last time we spoke. Our conversation flowed as follows since:
SG: “Maybe! But what matters is that YOU enjoy it! “
“**Karate Kid obviously hasn’t told people that we are seeing each other**
Me: “LOL! cheeky! Thanks for inviting me to the movies on Sunday. I was at work, otherwise I would have been there!”
SG: “It would have been a hot date if you came on Sunday… nobody came except me! I did leave it late tho, only made the invite that morning. Did you work all weekend? You didn’t sing! Ummm dance! ”
The Musician tried to keep up some small talk: “Yeah hopefully we get some more sun! And you work less haha. My weekend was good! The band launched our album on Friday night which was good fun! Spent the rest of the weekend recovering haha”
Me: “Ooooo wow! Congratulations!!!! That’s really cool that you can say that you have your very own album!”
Musician: “Thank you!!! Yeah definitely! It’s something to tick off the bucket list for sure. Pretty excited!”
Dance Teacher tried calling me last weekend. I didn’t answer as I was getting ready for my friend’s wedding. He sent a message soon after: “Hey Anastasia 🙂 Just called to see how you are going. I didn’t get to talk to you over the weekend. Hope you are feeling better.”
Me: “Hola DT. Thank you, that’s really kind of you. I’m just about to enter a church for a wedding otherwise I’d call back. Things are getting better, thank you for checking in. Hopefully I make it to the dance party tomorrow night after work. Hoping that your exams when well. Congratulations on the success with the Dance Congress last weekend :)”
DT: “Have fun lovely and dance soon :)”
Now for Karate Kid.
Friday
Diary, the past week I have been really anxious knowing what was best to do with Karate Kid. I was still hurt from my friend’s warning about Karate Kid flirting with The Model. We have been dating for a while and I feel uncomfortable going out where we have mutual friends as it hurts so much with him pretending that we aren’t together.
The other major issue was that Karate Kid does not make me feel special. After trawling through all his photos and seeing that he had on average one girlfriend a year, was I just miss 2017 for him? I didn’t feel any different to any one of them and, perhaps, less special as their photos were on his profile and none of mine (not that I am ready for that yet! – but it’s the principle).
My argument was that he didn’t deserve to call me his girlfriend out in public when he had been treating me so poorly and confusing me. But, the irony was that him inviting me as his +1 was significant and a big step forward for us.
I agonised and agonised over the decision to go as Karate Kid’s +1 to the birthday last night. Even as I drove there I was wondering if it was best to just send a message that I wasn’t going to make it. I was also upset that he hadn’t texted me to confirm that he had arrived. I thought this was inconsiderate as I didn’t want to arrive before he did when I didn’t know anyone at the dinner. Isn’t it just basic dating behaviour that you let the other person know when you arrive (especially, when you suggested that you’d pick them up and then retract your offer a minute later as it’s ‘out of the way’).
I arrived 45 minutes late to the dinner. I called Karate Kid when I parked to see if he was actually there and to also ask if it was worth me still going as it was so late. He said that the birthday girl had just arrived and that it was fine. He asked me where I was and I said I didn’t know as I hadn’t been to that complex before. I promptly hung up after saying goodbye and slowly walked my way through the parking lot – it wasn’t too late to change my mind, was it?
I walked through the restaurant precinct and jumped as someone touched me from behind. It was Karate Kid. He laughed and went to hug me. I didn’t feel like a hug so I pulled away and scorned him for scaring me. He put his arm around me and started walking with me to the restaurant. I felt so uncomfortable as I wasn’t sure who would be there that would know us. He studied my face and could tell that something was wrong. I wasn’t going to say anything as I didn’t want to create a scene and ruin the night (I was trying to behave).
At the restaurant, I met the birthday girl for the first time and had a good chat with her. I knew one face at the table and spoke to a few others. They were all nice but I just didn’t feel comfortable due to my internal conflict. Karate Kid asked me what I was eating and I took my time looking at the menu. I didn’t want to eat because I didn’t want him to joke about him not paying for my food again. When people asked me why I wasn’t eating I just said that I had a late lunch and wasn’t hungry.
I apologised to the birthday girl early on by saying that I would need to leave early as I had work the next day. This was a big fat lie, but she didn’t need to know that. All I knew is that I wasn’t comfortable there and wanted to leave. Karate Kid kept giving me a look to show that he knew that something was wrong. I told him that I would be leaving early and not going out dancing with everyone after. He was upset by this but I wasn’t going to change my mind.
When I decided that it was time for me to leave, Karate Kid insisted on walking me to my car. I told him that he would be going out dancing with the rest despite me not going out. We spoke for a bit on the street and he tried to squeeze out of me what was wrong. I told him that I didn’t feel like going to the dinner at all. He then said that we’d go back to my place to talk rather than him going out dancing.
At my place, I told him the things that I wanted him to know. I told him that he didn’t make me feel special. I told him that if he wanted some average girlfriend then to go and find one as he was wasting my time as I want something more meaningful. I told him that I never know what he is thinking and that I didn’t even know what it was about me that he liked as he never says anything. I told him that I could count the number of nice things he’s said about me on both my hands. I also told him that he was overly flirty with other women in my presence and that this wasn’t acceptable.
With some questioning, he deduced that I was referring to The Model. He said that she wasn’t a very nice person and that he liked me. He also said that he appreciated me going to the birthday dinner despite not wanting to be there. He said that it made him really happy seeing me smile whilst socialising with his friends.
My venting soon went on to how he always made a fuss about paying for things for me. I told him that friends go 50-50 and that if I wasn’t worth a 7 dollar drink or a 15 dollar movie that he suggested then he could go find someone else to be friends with. He said to me that he felt that all I wanted was a free meal and that’s the only way he could differentiate….I told him that I do more than enough to show that I’m interested and he agreed that I do contribute by buying groceries and cooking meals. He didn’t really say much else to this, only that he does like me and that I am special. As a side note – he couldn’t tell me why I was special.
I decided to go a step deeper and I told him that I thought his scars on his back and neck were from spina bifida and a shunt as a child. I told him that I had noticed them back in January and that I was still happy to date him and that if it did progress more seriously that I was okay knowing that we may have difficulty conceiving. He interrupted at this point and told me that his scars were from an accident as a child. A car hit him when he was crossing the road at about 7 years old.
Saturday
The next morning, I made us a nice breakfast. We then went for a walk along the waterfront until he had to go to his dance performance rehearsal. He said that we’d spend the whole weekend together. He had suggested that we go to see a movie as a double date with mutual friends that evening which I liked the idea of. After his dance rehearsal he sent a text to say that he’d meet me at the shopping center near my house.
When I got this message I was a bit upset that he didn’t offer to come and pick me up. I went along anyway, trying to be easy going. At the shopping center we got sushi and then went to look at shops that he wanted to look at. I asked if our mutual friends had responded to him and he said that they were out of town for the evening so that the movie would have to wait. After more shopping, he announced that he’d drive to his home and have a sleep and then come to my house later that night…..my heart sank. He’d said that we’d be spending the whole weekend together and then changes his mind?
He saw my face drop and asked if I was okay. I said if he needed to go he should and that he should do the other things on Sunday that he’d mentioned he’d wanted to do rather than coming for lunch with me and my friends. He ummed and arred as he was trying to make the decision. He said that he should go home so that his family didn’t think he was dead….I wondered what sort of excuse this was as he’d said he’d planned to spend the whole weekend with me. I said if he was bored it was fine, he should go. He said got frustrated and then said that he’d come and sleep at my place and then we could spend time together. I went to the supermarket to get more food for us as there wasn’t much left at my place.
I arrived to my place first. He took a long time to arrive. I wondered who he was texting or calling instead of coming. I tried to call him so that I could tell him not to come….he didn’t answer. I was really upset because he obviously didn’t want to spend time with me if he suddenly changed his mind like that – any other boyfriend I had would be eager to spend any minute that they could with me….especially if they’d said that that was what they wanted to do for the weekend. I started to get upset with this thought and so sent him a text message:
“I was calling to say I think it is a good idea that you go home and rest. I think you should do what you want to do. I’ll find things to do for the rest of the day. Also, you can go to XX’s thing tomorrow morning and stay Southside.”
He turned up on my doorstep soon after and I let him in. I said to him that he could still go home and do his own thing. He said that he wanted to be with me. I said that he’d made a commitment and then broke it. I said that I’d never been with someone who didn’t like me and that I just couldn’t understand. He was quiet for a lot of the time but did tell me that I was special and that he wanted to spend time with me. He did say that he had wanted to go home to get a clean change of clothes….I said that I was able to put a load of washing on and so washed a set of his clothing.
He had a nap at my place and then we brainstormed ideas on how to spend the evening. I was hoping a romantic meal out or maybe the movie he had suggested earlier. Instead, he suggested an evening bike ride. I liked the sound of this. The only catch was that I had to drive us 30 minutes as my bike only fitted in my car.
The ride was fun. Karate Kid wasn’t a natural nor graceful cyclist. He hired a public push bike which was a bit more stubborn to navigate. That, combined with his cycling ability was an interesting sight to see. He struggled at times to maintain control ending up in shrubbery on occasion and even fell off at one point. I didn’t laugh at him as I was sure that he was a bit embarrassed. I massaged his legs when we got home as I was sure that he body was not accustomed to 3 hours of cycling.
Sunday
The next morning, I made us a nice breakfast and then took us 30 minute North to visit friends for lunch. This was a big deal as they were my close friends and I was presenting Karate Kid to them as my partner (rather than as a friend like at group events that they’d met at previously).
Karate Kid was very quite for most of the lunch. We had Thai first and then ice cream after. I paid for us both for the Thai as the bill couldn’t be split and I had cash. Karate Kid smiled at me when I paid (I felt a little resentful as I’d provided and cooked almost all the food that weekend and done all the driving. If he wanted to break it down, I was giving more than what he was….I knew this was petty, but I was starting to focus on it more seeing as it was an issue we discussed). He did pay for my ice cream which cost less than the Thai food, mind you.
I was pleased that he enjoyed meeting my friends and felt that they got along well. On the drive I asked him if it was important to him for me to be at his performance that evening. He said that I should go if I wanted to go. I asked him not to be diplomatic and emphasized that he knew that I’d never wanted to go, but that I would if it was important to him. I then said that I would go. He left for tech rehearsal soon after we got back to my place. I had a nap and then started getting ready for the party.
At the party, a few things happened. A number of people mentioned that they hadn’t seen me out dancing for a long time – I told them that I had been busy with work. Karate Kid asked me to film his performance, and so I did. We danced a few songs and for one song he kept looking at me, but for the first time I noticed ‘that’ look….the same look that The Spaniard had in his eyes. ‘That’ look that makes you feel that they are really noticing you. He then kissed me on the cheek on the dance floor and hugged me whilst we danced.
Nice Guy was also there and invited me to go to his house some time to swim in his pool and to meet his dog. He said that I was always welcome any time. I felt that he was doing this because he noticed that Karate Kid was giving me more attention, but that he wasn’t aware that we were seeing each other. Nice Guy also insisted on buying me a drink as I looked thirsty. He said that if I ever needed a drink that I could rely on him. Nice Guy really is such a sweet guy. I thought to myself that if I wasn’t seeing Karate Kid that I would consider dating him as he was so tentative and knew how to make you feel special.
Karate Kid later came up to me and told me that he’d just shared our dating secret with a mutual friend. This made me feel happy but also a little anxious….was now a good time to start letting the cat out of the bag? Was I ready to be taken off the market completely? How should I act? I decided to keep acting neutral and like nothing was happening between us. Every so often Karate Kid would stroke my hair. I kept still each time and pretended not to notice.
When it was time for me to leave I felt it best to tell him that I was going. I was sure that he would get angry if I left without saying goodbye. He was with mutual friends getting a photo and asked me to step in. I declined the offer for two reasons; I was a sweaty mess and also because I didn’t want photo evidence up on Facey just yet. He was a little irritated but I explained that I looked messy. He then walked me to my car and gave me a peck on the lips goodbye.
When I arrived home he had sent a text message: “Thank you for coming tonight wabbit. Thank you for recording the performance. I really appreciate these things 🙂 I enjoyed spending the weekend with you. Good night :)”
I replied: “You’re welcome xo. I had a wonderful weekend with you too. Sleep well cuddly raccoon *kiss*”
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 