Plain Jane Peasant Maiden replied about an hour after I sent her the message:
“Hi Anastasia, it’s absolutely fine that you’re getting in touch with me. When your name popped up I was a little confused but your message explained everything.
I can appreciate that KK is not the most forthcoming when it comes to talking about himself and this is something that I have struggled with, even as friends. Let me put your mind at ease by saying that we are just friends and the little bit he did tell you about our shared past is accurate. It was several years ago now that we briefly dated and it wasn’t serious – I figured out that we would work better as friends.
Since I’ve come back from my 10 week vacation I noticed that KK is a little different because yes there was friendly banter whilst dancing but that has stopped now and I’m thinking that’s because he is respecting your relationship.
Obviously I can’t speak to what is in KK’s mind but I am not pursuing him in any way and really hope that you’re both happy together.
I’ve been in this situation before and it’s not very fun but I’ll just encourage you to be as open and honest with KK about how you’re feeling so you can both work on it together.”
So Dear Diary, let’s first start with my internal dialogue when reading, and then my actual reply….
- She was surprised that I was contacting her….this means that she knows who I am even though we have never spoken.
- She struggles with him not being forthcoming with information ‘even as friends‘….why is she struggling so much? is that because she still likes him?
- She’s noticed that he’s not giving her as much attention since she’s back from vacation….she’s definitely interested if she has noticed this.
- She isn’t pursing KK but she can’t speak for him….what is that supposed to mean? is this confirmation that she thinks he was/is pursing her still?
- She hopes that we are both happy together…..come on, honey, we both know you’re hoping it’ll all end in a big smoldering pile of rubble like her attempt at a relationship with him.
- She’s encouraging me to be open and honest with KK…..Is she being condescending? This isn’t a therapy session! I don’t need her advice! if she really cared she’d give me juicy dirt as to why they weren’t compatible. Her tone comes across like a candid Miss Universe speech where she’s trying to be humble and patting me on the back saying ‘sorry you came runner up, that must be hard. I can only imagine how upsetting that must be, but chin up, second place isn’t all that bad‘…..If it was a real Miss Universe contest I’d likely rip the tiara from atop of her head as it doesn’t belong there.
- Overall impression: this exercise was a waste of time. It is just degrading, now she knows that I feel threatened by her! She has only said what is socially acceptable and expected to say. She is still classified as a threat in my books and will certainly NOT be invited to Karate Kid’s and my wedding if we ever get married *hmpff*
What I actually replied:
“Hi PJPM. Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it xo see you on the dance floor ”
Still feeling unsatisfied, I decided to trawl through Karate Kid’s extensive photo collection on Facey to extract any evidence I could find. In my ‘Project KK’ folder I created a new case file for another woman who he seemed to be dating two years ago. A lady never knows when she will need hard evidence.
I did feel a bit silly when I came across the photo that I thought Karate Kid had untagged himself from last week. It was the one from March 2015 of him and Plain Jane Peasant Maiden ice skating together and holding hands with stupid big smiles on their faces (I really don’t like that photo). It’s now safely saved in the ‘Project KK’ in case I ever need it….
I have still not received a reply from the kissing girl from the photo in Entry 160. I guess she must still hate me after all these years. Why would she want to help me on my ‘spiritual journey’ by forwarding me the confronting message that I sent years ago? I can kind of understand why she wouldn’t want me to find internal peace as after putting her in her place, I was a very humble winner…it mustn’t be easy being runner up 😉
I can share with you the emails that were sent after my initial message. You can see how much more relaxed (borderline condescending) I was in the message after knowing that I had won that battle and the overall war. It made me happy inside knowing that my heartfelt and upbeat message would further enrage her and that there was nothing she could do about it:
I feel that it is a good idea for me to send you a message. This one will have to be in English as I don’t think I could articulate as well in Spanish on such a topic. [Bear] has been speaking to you about the messages on facebook. I’m sure that he as explained to you that it’s the nature, as well as the publicity of them that has hurt me.
As a women, I’m sure you can understand where I stand. To see messages like that on your boyfriend’s wall from their really close friend really hurts and leaves a lot of doubt. Another thing that really hurt is that it felt as if I didn’t exist, and that it looked as if you were both together, that you were flirting. [Bear] has already assured me that there is nothing happening between you both because you see each other as brother and sister (…..I may have put this in to antagonise her…..). I believe him when he says this, so there is no problem. I am happy that you both are friends, and would never be unhappy about it. I’ve already said to Bear that I don’t mind if you guys talk like this to each other. You’ve being communicating like this for a long time. It is how you both interact, and I am okay with that. I don’t expect anything to change.
All I ask is that things like that not to be done so publicly on facebook, because I take it as a sign of disrespect to me. I ask that you be considerate when writing messages, and think about what would normally be considered alright to write on a friend’s profile. Kisses x, hugs o, te queiro mucho and te amo mucho are fine, anything like a normal conversation with a good friend. I am also sure that you can understand after reading this why I didn’t want to be your friend on facebook anymore.
I was extremely hurt when I saw that message, and couldn’t see it as any way but a sign of disrespect. I’ve told Bear that now that I am with him I would never do such a thing, or allow my friends to do such a thing, because I know that it would hurt him so much. I love him dearly and this is the last thing I want to do. I told Bear I wasn’t sure of your intentions at the start as you were very interested in me, and I’ve had a bad experience with girls interrogating me over being with their friend. I came to Peru with an open mind and open heart, I wanted to meet you for you, and not have any pre-conceived worries or assumptions. And I’m glad I did, because I loved meeting you, and I really liked you. This is a long message, and I hope that you can understand all that I have intended to say. I am interested in getting to know you better. I think it is a really good idea actually. I still believe that you are genuinely a good person. After we eventually get to know each other more then I will understand you more, and you will understand me more. I hope that we can be really good friends one day. Anastasia xo”
Her reply was:
It has been such a surprise ( and not a good one) to read your message. I am sorry if the messages have offended you in ANY way. I really think you are overreacting over a really really small thing. Todo este problema se ha hecho tan grande y de verdad TAN FASTIDIOSO [translates to something along the lines of this problem has blown out of proportion and honestly REALLY ANNOYING] . There are about other 10 pictures in where I say the exact same comment , so u might imagine it is my way of bothering him. I really don’t understand all this but I accept it. If YOU find it soooo disrespectfull I will try not to show my love to my best friend in any way. That is the first point of the conversation. I do find it very rude of u to question what my intention are in wanting to meet you. Other than you being the girlfriend of my best friend I have no other intention. I thought you might see it that way. He has never had such a serious relationship with anybody. I was soo happy for him , because he truly deserves sooo many good things, and a girl that loves him. And just in case, of all his really close friends , I was the one that supported him the most when he told me about you. I have been soo happy for him because he was soo happy and when I met you I thought you were this really nice person. After this I really have big doubts. Sorry for any bad moments. I assure you that he is only my friend and that I see him like a brother and no more. Nothing would ever happen between us. NOTHING. NEVER.“
As you can see, she isn’t a very nice person. She’s rather an angry person to be truthful. It was nice to see her kick and squirm as she was realising that she didn’t have as much control over Bear as she thought that she did.
I wrote my own Miss Universe ‘hug the loser’ reply:
I was happy to see your email today. I knew that it could be a hard read because I knew you’d be upset.
I can see from your words that you are very upset. Upset like I was when I first came across the posting.
XX, I really appreciate your apology. I accept it, and can see that you meant no harm in any way.
Please be aware that it was the first time I’ve seen a message like that between you both (despite you saying there being about 10 others). Seeing those words from a pretty girl, and being on the other side of the world from the one I love, was a very hard thing to see.
I hope you can appreciate that this is one big difference our cultures have. To see those words written in English culture means a very, very different thing. That is why I was so distressed and upset to see them.
I can see things from a clearer perspective now that I am not as upset as before. I can see that there is a big cultural difference, I can see that Bear loves you as one of his best friends, and that you do also. I’ve told Bear I don’t want to change him. I love that he is carinoso. I love that about la cultura peruana. I have made it very clear to him that I love him the way he is, and that I’m not asking him to change and stop interacting with his girl friends. I have seen many times words like ‘te quiero mucho’ and ‘te amo mucho’ between him and his friends : ) I am in full support of this, because I know it is an expression of love that friends use. I also tell my friends that I love and miss them, so it would be insane of me to expect anything different of him.
Dear XX, please see from my last message the part about putting aside my initial worries when finding you really wanted to meet me, they were transient and based on no grounding. Please see the part where I loved meeting you, and really liking you, and know that I still like you. Because this totally negates those thoughts that were in the past, that came from bad experiences not related. The point I wanted to express was that from that day I’ve met you I’ve liked you.
This is the most interaction that we have had, and that explains so much why we don’t know or understand each other yet. And that was why I was happy to see your email this morning, because it meant that now we can actually get a chance to know each other better. Maybe not the best start, but it is a start : ) and I have been thinking that when our emotions are calmer we could write each other more, because I really want to get to know the best friend of my boyfriend : ) yo quiero conocerte. The reason I didn’t write much before is because I want to in Spanish :s haha, which it really hard for me. But I think now is the best time (after the more sensitive topics which I need English for until I speak Spanish better).
XX, I don’t want you to change. That is not what I’m asking. Please do as you did before, express your love for each other as all friends do in Peru : ) all I ask is that that phrase to be changed to something else when used in public, only because those words hold so much meaning to me. Te quiero, te amo, te extrano – I’m totally cool with : ) and I have been totally cool with the whole time. I said to Bear that I am happy for you both to still interact the same socially as well, I am cool with it : ) It’s the facebook thing where things can easily be taken out of context.
I hope that this message has made you feel better : ) I’m glad that we both got to express our thoughts. Anastasia xo”
She didn’t reply to that message.
Dear Diary, I know that you’re thinking exactly what I am thinking – Maybe the situation with Plain Jane Peasant Maiden is karma from the situation with the kissing girl…..I acknowledge this and have no further comment….apart from that I have no regrets about how I handled the kissing girl situation – she needed to be dethroned.