When There’s Nothing Left to Lose – Entry 151

Dear Diary

Please pardon me for the delay in reporting back to you about Tuesday night. You may recall that I was at the stage where I had thrown everything that I possibly could at Karate Kid to scare him off, even going so far as resorting to bringing out some crazy…..but he still wanted to talk. He was like a cat with nine lives.

I figured that I had no reason for concern with meeting with him as I’d already thrown in the towel. I reasoned that if I was in the position where I wanted to talk with someone that I’d had something special with, I’d hope that they’d allow me an inch of closure. So, feeling indifferent and taking the moral high ground, I agreed to meet with him on the proviso that he would actually contribute to conversation on this occasion….

Tuesday evening my housemate was home. I prepared a nice meal so that it’d be more comfortable for everyone when Karate Kid arrived. After dinner, my housemate decided to read some of her book in her room for her upcoming book group. Karate Kid suggested that we go for a walk. I got changed into warm street clothes and followed his lead.

The conversation ebbed and flowed less awkwardly than usual. Karate Kid first vented his frustration in me: interrupting his stressful workday on Thursday with my breakup text; having my phone off so that he couldn’t call that night; finding that I had de-friended him on Facey; seeing a post from my friend that we’d gone out dancing that night; and hearing that I was no longer helping with the dance congress….He also highlighted the hypocrisy of me saying in my message that we should be able to talk openly because we are adults and then avoiding talking with him….I could see where he was coming from and may have deserved the insinuation that I was acting like a child. To justify my behaviour, I reiterated my stance that he’d not been forthcoming with any form of speech when we had tried to have serious conversations before.

The conversation then went on to my concerns that he may be keeping open to booty calls at night on FB Messenger. Without directly accusing him of this (I’m not that silly to do that without hard evidence), I eloquently tiptoed through expressing my concerns to him. He explained that he is an introvert and that he didn’t mean to not give me a response when I asked him about who he needed to be available for in the middle of the night. It turns out it’s just his gaming friends who he has habitually spoken to at odd hours for many years. He declared that he had not been seeing anyone since we were together and asked me if I had. I again tiptoed around this because the definition of ‘seeing someone’ is ambiguous. Also, I was not sure exactly when we had started seeing each other. To ease his concerns, I said that I had not been sleeping with anyone since we were together. For the record, per my definition, we were not together when I met The Spaniard.

Karate Kid told me about what he wanted in a partner. It’s pretty much a partner in crime who likes to do things and experience life. He wants to explore the world and also one day settle down and have a family. He asked me what I was looking for and I said a best friend who is also a lover.

When we got back to my place my housemate was asleep. Karate Kid and I spoke for a bit longer. He shared with me how he had suddenly lost his Father to illness when he was only 17 years of age. Being the eldest child and only Son, he needed to step up in his household. He got a little teary when he told me this and tried to dismiss it by saying that it was a long time ago. I told him that it didn’t matter how long ago it was, it was his Father and it will always be painful. I told him that even though he may not have had the chance to tell his Father all the things left unsaid that his Father knew that he loved him and that his Father loves him and is proud of the man that he is today. My heart softened for Karate Kid as I could see how losing a parent at a tender age would make you feel lost in life, parents are strong role models, after all. My heart broke imagining all the things Karate Kid would have wanted and needed his Father there for after he passed.

He told me that I’d need to go with him to visit his Father’s grave once a year. He also asked me if I like old people. I clarified that I understood his question correctly and then asked why he’d ask such a peculiar question. He said that in his culture he is expected to look after his Mother when she’s older and that I would need to as well. I think I went introverted at his point as I was surprised at these two things – was he really thinking that far ahead? I think that I was analysing so much that I may have not responded and he may be unsure how I feel about these two things….I’ll have to bring it up at an appropriate time.

We cuddled for a couple of hours before Karate Kid drove home. Before leaving he told me that we should go on a double date with my friend and her husband who is Karate Kid’s best friend (the girlfriend I went to see the show with last weekend). He also said that he had an appointment with his Doctor coming up to find out results for his sexually transmitted infection screen.

I slept well that night. I had had no idea that things would turn around completely. I was happy with the result, Heart was happy, and Brain was peaceful and maybe a little stunned at the unexpected turn of events.

Driving to work the next day I received a text message from Karate Kid: “Morning beautiful. Have a great day today :)” This message made me so happy. Just before starting work I replied “Good morning sweet KK. I hope that you have a wonderful day too xo”.

The next morning he sent another message: “Morning wabbit, sooooo when are you taking annual leave?” ….Brain almost fell out of it’s chair in shock! Was Karate Kid wanting to go on holiday with me somewhere? He had been trying to find his citizenship certificate so that he could apply for his first ever Passport! I promptly replied with my leave dates. He then asked me what my plans were – which are visiting a friend in a neighbouring County for a few days then nothing else planned.

Karate Kid then changed the subject to general banter. I figured he must have wanted to discuss the potential of holidaying together in person. We spoke on the phone that night and he didn’t bring it up. He did, however, invite me to a group movie event on Saturday night and offered to pick me up beforehand. I accepted his invitation.


Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com

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