Dear Diary
Monday was a tough day. It was busy at work, so much so that I missed having lunch. I was also tired from an emotionally draining weekend. I was dreading having to make a decision whether or not I wanted to agree to talking with Karate Kid that night.
After my shift I replied to Karate Kid’s 2AM message asking if zombies were keeping me awake. I sent: “They did disturb my dreams. I’m actually pretty exhausted. I really need to just sleep tonight.”
He sent a message back almost immediately: “Hahahaha same. I drank so much coffee today…. so glad today was over…..”
One hour later he sent a second message: “Well give me a yell if you want me to protect you from the zombies otherwise I’m heading home”
This message pulled at my heart strings. I wanted him to say that he was driving to see me and that we just had to talk that night. I wanted him to visit to protect me from zombies. I reminded myself that I was better off without him and that I needed to comfort myself – zombies don’t exist, after all. I told myself that things would get easier once he gave up hope. Who knows when the real Mr Right might come into my life?
Forcing myself to do the best things for us both, I replied: “Thank you for offering. I think we both need to get some sleep tonight” Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
Karate Kid replied: “Haha, I was only suggesting sleep. Nothing more. Well goodnight.”
I prepared to go to bed and then heard the garage door open. My housemate was home. As it closed, I heard a female’s voice calling out not to close it. She was running towards the garage. There was no time to lose! It must be the crazy neighbour who has delusions about my housemate being with her husband. The one that had come to our apartment a few times in a disturbed state looking for trouble. I’d warned my housemate to be careful coming home at night as she may be waiting for her one day.
I sprung out of bed and got my house keys and phone (in case I needed to call for help). I ran out of the apartment and stood outside the garage door. I couldn’t hear any commotion from the inside – she must be coming around the side of the apartment. I paused trying to decide if I should warn my housemate who was inside the garage or wait and fight. I heard fast footsteps approaching from the side of the apartment and braced myself – it was time to take this woman down.
The female partner of the man in the apartment next to ours came gasping around the corner. Standing outside in my pyjamas, I looked at her confused. She stopped in her tracks and looked at me. I then laughed and told her that I thought she was the crazy lady. At the same moment, the man from the apartment next to ours opened his garage door (which was next to ours). It suddenly made sense, it was his garage door that made the noise and she had wanted to shortcut through the garage rather than have to walk around the apartments. The female partner wasn’t aware of the situation with the crazy lady so the man filled her in. He then asked me why I was in my pyjamas so early. That was my cue to leave.
Wide awake, I decided to reply to The Musician’s message. He had asked me when I was going to Spain next and if it was in 2018. I couldn’t answer him at the time as I was about to pull the pin on the November trip but hadn’t quite done it yet. Having made my decision I finally replied with “Yes, just waiting on my manager to approve time off.
Have you been dreaming of holidays anywhere?”
I’d say it’s been four or five months that he’s been in his job now after being unemployed for over a year before that. I assumed that he would be hanging out for a holiday soon. He replied: “Oh ok… well good luck! Anywhere not at work has been appealing lately haha. I think I’ll settle for some local beach trips this summer”
He was certainly being cautious with how he spends his money. He told me that before he lost his previous job that he’d been approved for a home loan and was planning on buying a house. If he had done so, he wouldn’t have been able to afford to mortgage repayments and would have lost everything. I can see why he would be interested in local holidays at this stage.
After my casual reply he sent a message saying: “We’ll have to find time to catch up again soon” Hmmm he’s pretty harmless. I thought I’d wait a few days before starting negotiations as to when to meet up next. It was always a long and tedious process with The Musician as he doesn’t seem to like to make decisions (he probably thinks the same about me).
Instead, I logged into Facey and could see that Karate Kid sent me a friend request. I wasn’t going to accept or decline the request until we had had ‘the talk’. I felt a bit bad as he was trying hard to reconnect with me. But, like a faithful soldier, I knew better than to question Operation Armageddon – just follow the simple instructions, don’t ask questions and no one will get hurt.
I also noticed a message from Mr Shy Guy, he had tried to contact me just before the zombie event to ask me if there was still space….obviously, he’d figured it out himself. I sent him a thumbs up (better late than never, right?).
A few minutes later Shy Guy sent a FB message: “You really never do check fb do you? :p“
Me: “Hehe only every so often“
SG: “😀 Thanks again for the wonderful night x” – Yes, that was a kiss that he put at the end. I’m sure I blushed. I wasn’t going to reciprocate with an x or xo.
Me: “You’re welcome 🙂 hehe“
Three hours after Karate Kid sent his goodnight message, I felt ready to reply: “Good night. Don’t let the zombies bite”. He didn’t reply in the 15 minutes that it took me to prepare to go to bed so I put my phone on silent and rolled over to sleep.
At 12:30AM, Karate Kid sent a message: “Okay. I just woke up. I don’t see any zombie bite marks….hope you had a good night sleep. We will chat tonight. What time to you finish work today?”
I woke up at about 3AM (likely residual unsettledness from the zombie event) and read his message. I went back to sleep and then replied to him at 6AM: “Today I finish at 4pm. If we are going to talk, KK, I need for you to come prepared with what you’re thinking, feeling and wanting and also to be open to answering questions.”
I wasn’t sure if meeting to talk with him was the right thing to do. I was feeling empty towards him, strong and independent within myself, and, I had uncovered a peaceful acceptance of the high likelihood of dying alone. I asked myself ‘Will it make a difference?’ I reasoned that it didn’t really matter if we had the conversation or not as I’d made up my mind ‘What harm could it do?’ it’d help to put him out of his misery sooner. I’d want someone to do the same for me.
It took him ten hours to reply. Within that time I’d decided that being open and honest about his feelings was too much for him to handle and that he’d chickened out. He surprised me though with this message:
“Okay. See you tonight.”
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 