Dear Diary
Is it too much to ask to leave me be to hide under my rock in peace until things blow over? Rock and I are good friends now, we don’t need stinky boys trying to gatecrash our party. Rock understands me.
Anyway, I’ve had my phone off for a couple of days now. I turn it on just to text friends and family at points during the day. My peace has been rudely disturbed on two occasions by Karate Kid. He sent a reply to my Armageddon-take-2 message on Thursday with “I will call you tonight”. Nope! I had dinner and dancing plans. I didn’t even bother replying. I just turned off my phone. I clearly stipulated that I was going to move on. Kaput!
The next occasion was Friday night when he sent:
“Hi Anastasia,
Lets chat. What are you doing tonight? I thought we were good so i want to get down to the bottom of things.“
My initial internal response was “Screw you. I have given you multiple opportunities to talk openly with me and you avoided it every time. I don’t want to talk to you anymore“. It seemed as though someone had placed a bit of straw on a proverbial camel’s back in the past few days.
Fortunately, having some common sense, I remembered the lesson learned from last time – no details of where I was that night would be divulged. I actually had no plans but turned off my phone and went to sleep – clever move Anastasia, wait this one out in the comfort of your bed completely oblivious to reality. Dream Land is always nicer than the real world and time flies there!
I was confident that Karate Kid would not dare come to find me that night for a number of reasons. For a start, he had no idea where I was or who I was with – it was Friday after all! Also, my off-the-handle neighbours were drinking and partying like usual on a weekend. Normally, I’d call the Police as they disturb my peace, but not this time. Instead, I welcomed their disturbance as it was a deterrent to anyone considering loitering in my yard. Who wouldn’t find a intoxicated and angry group of adults intimidating? They could party in peace that night…and they did. They were still outside talking at 6:00AM when I woke up on Saturday morning – bless their cotton socks.
When I woke up I felt that I wanted to finish slaying the dragon that keeps refusing to die. I’m actually running out of ammunition – which is a first. But what I’ve learned from watching movies is when you break your samurai sword or your gun runs out of bullets, the gloves come off and you assume the position of praying mantis….
Karate Kid had indirectly given me permission to write him an essay. Usually I try to spare men this experience, but I was getting desperate and he virtually asked for it:
“Good morning KK
There’s nothing more to be said. I can’t ask you to like me any more than what you’re capable of.
I am looking for someone who’s excited to be dating me and wants to declare it to the world. I won’t ever understand what you meant by people being annoying if they knew you were seeing someone. It’s been months seeing each other and we are adults. Things either progress or you let them go. If you’re worried about closing the door to opportunity with other women then I encourage you to pursue things further with them.
I also can only leave things to my imagination as to who you need to be available for at a moment’s notice in the middle of the night on messenger. Your family would call your mobile if needed. Saying that you can’t tell me any details doesn’t help my imagination to think of positive reasons.
I also want a man who approaches me to talk about taking things to the next level. I have been the one poking and prodding you which is a really bad sign. You’re the type of person I can see being with me for seven years and then have you wake up one day saying you hadn’t even seriously considered formal commitment and thanks for the good times but it’s not what you’re wanting.
You’re not ready for a deep and loving relationship, KK. It’s only fair to let me go so that I can have that opportunity at happiness.”
It was way too much information but I’d rather put more gasoline on the bonfire than not enough. I needed to incinerate every last bit of anything that could potentially be left standing. Besides, it was all true. He has been being a selfish pig and should let me be free to find happiness with someone who is capable of loving me. Time waits for no one. Who is he to take some of the best years of my life only to turn around and say one day ‘I don’t want this anymore. I do want marriage and kids, I just never said I wanted it with you….Sorry about that….what’s that? you can’t have children any longer as you’re no longer fertile? errr sorry, it’s your life, you should have taken responsibility for that years ago. Why are you so angry? I didn’t do anything wrong. Let me refresh your memory – I never promised you anything, remember Sweety? Gees you’re acting crazy, can you see why I don’t want to be with you anymore?’
If Karate Kid is a smart man he will let me walk away.
I received a surprise message on Friday from Mr Lady’s Man:
“Happy Friday, once again 😉
I really enjoyed Wednesday and can imagine even more fun, when we get together again
So …when do you feel like next coming out to play?”
How about never? He couldn’t even offer to pay for my bottom shelf moscato. Honestly, Diary, I don’t expect much. It’s not about the price tag. He could have taken me to get fish and chips in a park or an ice cream and walk somewhere scenic. If he’s serious about winning over my heart he needs to show me that he wants to support me – it’s just primal instincts. I have no intention of bleeding him dry, I will always make my own money, all I want is a man that demonstrates that he wants to provide.
So, on Saturday morning I politely excused myself: “Good morning Mr Lady’s Man. I had lots of fun too. As much as that’d be great I am having a break from dating for a while. Shall see you on the dance floor!” – Boom! Anastasia says thanks, but no thanks.
Dusting my hands off, I hadn’t finished what needed to be done. I signed into Watsapp:
“Hola Spaniard. I have decided to postpone my trip to Spain. I have some things to tend to at home. Sorry” – Double boom! you don’t even deserve an explanation as you’re a stranger.
To Bear: “Hola Bear Bear. How are you? I’ve decided not to go to Spain again this year. I’ve had a few large expenses and have decided to stay here. Please pardon me.” – I kind of felt bad about sending this one as he’s a good Bear and I’m sure he had good intentions. But, I’m not going to Spain just so that he can give me my notebook from Spanish school.
Sadly, when I turned on my phone to send these messages I found out that I had missed out on a group activity that I was planning on going to today. I’d already payed for it. It was some sort of virtual reality experience. Devastating. Completely devastating. Negating all responsibility for my actions, I will blame Karate Kid for that one – he upset me and is the reason why I’ve turned off my phone.
Time to go back and hide under my rock. Rock understands me.
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 