Dear Diary
Last Sunday, some well-meaning friends each asked me varied forms of the same question. Each time I struggled to answer their question with certainty. The question was: are you and Karate Kid official now?
I’d activated Operation Armageddon but it fell flat on it’s face after step 2 of 7 as I didn’t plan for the unexpected – that Karate Kid would disregard my terrifying wrath and turn up on my door step to give me a hug.
The reasons why I couldn’t answer their question was because of a few things: he reassured me that I was his little wabbit – he didn’t technically say girlfriend; He said that he’d be happy for us to date – there’s casual dating and then there’s serious dating…I wasn’t sure which one applied to us; he said he didn’t want photos of us up on his Facey profile as ‘people are annoying’ – I don’t understand what that means? Is he ashamed to tell his family about me? Or is it that he doesn’t want certain women to know we are seeing each other? (Diary, we are ignoring the fact that I am not comfortable to tell my family or other Potentials about him at this stage. I’m perfectly fine with this double standard); also, we didn’t discuss if we were exclusive or not – I had fleeting thoughts of Plain Jane Peasant Maiden being a threat on her return from holiday soon and also of him being available on messenger overnight in case of whatever it was that he couldn’t tell me about – It makes my blood simmer (we aren’t at boiling anger, yet).
So, I came to realise that I was still confused, just less confused than usual. So what to do? I started typing out a text message to Karate Kid: “Hello cuddly raccoon. It was good to talk about things on Sunday. There are still a few things that I’d like to clarify…” I found it really hard to get the words out so waited. I decided my confrontation would seem less intense if I waited until he contacted me next rather than spontaneously bringing up my issues.
Going back to where we left off on Sunday evening, I dusted myself off and got ready for the blind double date with my work friend, her partner and his friend. I figured that it was rude to cancel last minute and that socialising with new people is always a healthy thing.
I don’t know if I was late or not. I thought that we were meeting at 6.30PM and so sent a message at 6.15PM saying that I was leaving my house. My friend replied soon after to say that they were already there…hmmmm. They were in good spirits when I arrived despite my potential tardiness. The blind date sat up straight when I walked in the door. He smiled and we shook hands. He seemed really nervous. I just felt awkward as I don’t like the pressure that goes with being set up.
The double date was pleasant overall. The blind date seemed lovely though we didn’t talk directly much. It was kind of awkward with my friend and her partner asking us both pointed questions to allow us to passively get to know each other.
What I liked about him was that he was a decent guy who seemed to have a good heart. He has worked in a few management and business type roles which I find attractive. He’s also looking to find a life partner.
At the end of the date he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. I was feeling really awkward as I was confused about what I wanted and wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him again. Even though we’d shared a meal we didn’t get to interact directly so it was hard to tell if there was chemistry. I will share the blame for this as I felt particularly awkward so kept quiet unless asked a question.
Already emotionally exhausted from the failed Operation Armageddon, I retreated to my car after the date. I wondered if it was a mistake to meet this man as it could confuse me further. On the drive home my friend sent a text: “So, what did you think? XX just messaged and said if you’re interested in meeting up again he’d like to. I can give you his number or I can give him yours”.
I couldn’t reply to her message that night. My head was swimming and I was feeling anxious about what was the right thing to do. Still feeling apathetic about everything, I sent a message the next morning: “Good morning ZZ 🙂 Last night was lots of fun. XX is lovely. I need a little more time to think about exchanging numbers as I really don’t want to be dating at the moment (dating burn out, perhaps).” – For the record, I told her that I was tired of dating when she first approached me about meeting XX a month or so ago.
Her reply was almost instant: “Ok, sounds like you’re not sure about him? He’s looking for a long term relationship.” This just made me even more anxious and unsure of what I wanted.
Wanting a chance to breath and be away from men for a while I sent: “Dating is just painful. Though, if we did meet up again then I may relax to the idea lol” I didn’t want to close the door to opportunity but I also wasn’t ready to jump into anything too quickly when I had no idea what I wanted.
She replied: “I agree – do you want me to just leave it with you? Let me know if you have any more questions about him. He’s wanting to settle down and get married so that’s pretty much where he’s at.”
Me: “That sounds like an idea. I want the same things too. My head isn’t in the right space for dating at the moment. I’ve got a fair bit of family stress going on behind the scenes.” – This is actually very true at the moment. I just write to you about my dating dating world, not family drama.
Her: “I’m sorry to hear that, well you know I’m here if you need to chat – you know life can be hard – a partner who is supportive can help – a problem shared is a problem halved. All I can say is that XX is keen!!!”
Me: *starts packing bags to run away to find a rock to hide under until things blow over* lol, not really.
It actually sparked something inside me thinking that it’d be nice to have someone to be my rock. I also had thoughts about whether I was better suited to single life as it’s just easier and then I’d never have to choose someone.
Later, a surprise text message came though from Mr Lady’s Man – I had legitimately forgotten about him and our upcoming date – how much more complicated could things get. Again, I wasn’t sure how to cancel the date or if I should cancel – were Karate Kid and I exclusive? Was it best to keep my options open? What harm could it do? Hmm let’s rephrase that last rhetorical question to how much more harm could it do? His message did make me laugh:
“A warm & sunny Monday greeting to you 😉 [funny because it was raining]
As promised, location suggestions for Wednesday evening!
– HSW in xx; a cosy pub, just around the corner [closer to him]
– BCH in xx; haven’t been in ages, but recall it being good [half way]
– ST, (believe it or not is in ST) [closer to me]; honestly, I really don’t know the pub up north, but this one is close-ish to *my suburb*, with decent reviews & photos”
My dismay turned to mild interest when I saw that he had put some effort it. Naturally, I chose the one most convenient for me: “Wow! What great options. They all sound ideal. The one in xx would be good so as to have that lil extra time beforehand” – He then set the time and wished me a good day.
Five more things happened on Monday to make me want to run and hide:
1. The Musician sent a message after about a month of nothing. I thought that he’d given up: “Hi Anastasia! Long time no speak! How’ve you been? Apologies for my lack of messaging… been pretty busy!” – Where did he come from? I figured that he must have seen my post on Facey and remembered that I existed. I’d reply the next day as I’d had way too much boy drama for one day.
2. Shy Guy sent a message on Facey reprimanding me for not going dancing on Saturday night (I was at the surprise concert). I replied a simple “hahaha”. He’s friends with Karate Kid, I’m surprised that he isn’t suspicious or in the know.
3. Dance Teacher sent me a message on Facey. I still haven’t opened it. He later sent a text message: “Heya Anastasia 🙂 You don’t love us anymore beautiful. You have gone really quite , what’s wrong? 😦 “I decided that this message could also wait until Tuesday.
4. Karate Kid sent a message: “I’ll give you a call tonight. Just seeing when are you planning to do XX’s class.”. I answered the phone when he called. He was nice on the phone and was sussing out if he could see me on Tuesday night or if I was busy doing the new dance class (turns out I couldn’t as it’s mid term). I said yes to seeing him on Tuesday evening.
5. The Spaniard sent a text message to confirm that he understood my last text message to him. I had eventually replied to his “Hello beautiful. I’m well, how are you?” with telling him that I was planning on seeing different cities in Spain and would only be in Barcelona for the first and last weekend of my trip. I don’t know if he’s disappointed or not. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I want to see him again, but I don’t want him to think that we will be having sex. I’m working up to telling him that I am seeing someone….but am I?
My biggest cause of dating stress at the moment is that I don’t know how official things are with Karate Kid. I also don’t know if they will work out or not. I’ve always regretted closing off my options too early in the past when dating….I like to learn from my experiences. I’m also unsure of how comfortable I am with dating multiple people at once.
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 