Practicing My Juggling – Entry 144

Dear Diary

Let’s catch up on everything that’s happened since Monday. I did end up replying to most of the men who sent me messages on Monday:

To Dance Teacher’s: “Heya Anastasia 🙂 You don’t love us anymore beautiful. You have gone really quiet, what’s wrong 😦 ”  I replied with: “Hello Dance Teacher. Thank you for checking in on me. Of course I still love you guys. I’ve been pretty stressed lately with a few things so finding the balance in life can be challenging. How are you?”

He sent a sweet message back: “Oh you just need our hugs lol I’m glad you don’t hate us. Now worries, lovely let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Now I know you are okay I’m relieved :)” I thought it was very nice of him to reach out to me. I also didn’t want to send the wrong signals that I wanted hugs from him: “I couldn’t hate any of you. Thank you, very kind of you to offer :)”. I will eventually log back into Facey and read whatever his message was last week. I have a feeling that he’s delegating me things for the upcoming dance congress he’s organising. I’m unsure if I want to participate in the organising of the event as I just need to distance myself from the dance scene at the moment. It’s way too complicated with knowing how to behave with Karate Kid there, but also with Mr Lady’s Man showing interest.

The Musician and I have sent a few messages since his surprise hello on Monday. He’s just casually touching base with how things are going for me. He hasn’t asked if we can meet up yet. I think this is a good thing as it’s one less person to further complicate things at the moment.

I haven’t logged back into Facey to reply to Shy Guy. I could see that he had replied “I’m still mad”. I have no idea how to respond to this. Besides, he has my mobile number if he really wants to communicate with me. Not that I want him to, because he’s long term friends with Karate Kid and that’d just be a whole other level of awkward trying to navigate that situation.

The Spaniard’s message on Monday read: “Hellooooo beautiful…so you’ll only be in Barcelona on the 25 and 26th of November and the 9th, 10th and 11th of December, right?” I replied with: “Hehe something like that. I need to finalise my plans, but yes, I envision it something like that.” The dilemma with The Spaniard is that I want to tell him that I’m seeing someone so that he doesn’t expect anything from me, but it’s not official enough with Karate Kid for me to be able to say that I’m seeing someone. Also, I don’t know who The Spaniard has been seeing or what he’s been doing since I left Spain months ago. I think my safest option is to re-book my accommodation and to stay in a hostel (rather than my own apartment) as then there is no opportunity for him to stay over for the night. The other thing to consider is that if I tell him that I’m seeing someone and he doesn’t want to see me, how will I spend my time in Barcelona? I’ve been there once before, do I really want to go to Barcelona again and just hang out?

The Tuesday night catch up with Karate Kid was nice. He came for dinner and I cooked lasagna for him and my housemate. We had general conversations and they enjoyed my cooking. Afterwards, he suggested that we go see a movie. He took me to see Happy Death Day….which was actually scary and I spent a lot of the movie hiding my face. I honestly do find scary movies to be distressing and left the cinemas feeling anxious.

Afterwards we went back to my place and played for a bit. We didn’t really talk about anything deep and meaningful. We also didn’t talk about any future dates or plans. When he left I felt happy that he’d visited. But I still felt perplexed as to how we would conduct ourselves around our friends.


Image: [Jana Gouthova] ©

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