Seek And You Shall Find – Entry 135

Dear Diary

This morning I logged into Facey to update my birthday party event. Waiting in my inbox were two messages. One from Mr Lady’s Man and one from my work friend. There were also about five dance event invitations from Surf Guy.

I did what I logged on to do and then hesitantly opened the messages. My work friend was making a second attempt at organising a double date for us. I was surprised that the guy was still interested in meeting me after failed attempt number one on the weekend. My friend said that I can choose any week night from 6.30pm or any weekend….hmmm choices. As a delay tactic I said I’d have a look at my roster and calendar and get back to her. I felt uneasy agreeing to meet someone new when things were going well with Karate Kid…but technically I wasn’t doing anything wrong as we aren’t exclusive that I’m aware of.

I held my breath and opened the next message from Mr Lady’s Man. I prayed that his message wouldn’t require a prompt reply. I skimmed over it and looked away – yep, it was what I thought it was – an invitation. Taking a deeper breath I read it properly the second time: “Hi Anastasia. I hope that the week hasn’t been treating you too roughly. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed our brief conversations and laughs of recent and wanted to know if you’d be interested in meeting up some time”

I only had 15 minutes before I needed to leave for work. He wasn’t receiving a reply from me until at least after my shift. What do I say? I mean, if Karate Kid wasn’t on the scene I’d say yes. But, I feel uncomfortable saying yes without knowing what Karate Kid and I are officially at present. Also, if I said no for the sake of Karate Kid how would I word it? I don’t want to say ‘sorry, I’m seeing someone‘ as I don’t know if Karate Kid and I are official or ever will be. Maybe I could say that I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment but would like to meet up? Does that send mixed messages?

Frustrated and feeling cornered from not having enough information to make informed decisions with, I decide to send Karate Kid a text message. The time had come to face the music.

Good morning cuddly raccoon KK. It’d be nice to talk some time about where we are at. I’m enjoying getting to know each other. It’d be nice to know how you’re feeling about things. Have a good day.”

To not cause alarm I made sure that I referred to him as cuddly raccoon. I also tried to sound casual and calm in my tone. My cards were also removed from close to my chest by saying that I was enjoying getting to know each other. Not too little, not too much, just enough.

It took two attempts for me to allow myself to hit the send button for that message. I immediately regretted sending it after I did. What causes me the most anxiety is that I cannot predict what he’s going to come back with. Generally, you get a feel for these things. But Diary, Karate Kid is an enigma. Things may seem like they are progressing perfectly but he could turn around and say that he’s not wanting a relationship with me – that’d break my heart. I’d likely have to step away from the social dance scene for a while to recover before facing him again.

During my lunch break I checked my phone about 14 times to see if he’d sent a message…nothing. He’s always on his phone, I knew he’d certainly received the message. I figured that he was probably sparing me from the public embarrassment of falling to pieces during work hours. How considerate. My day could be ruined outside of working hours in the privacy of my own home.

In the afternoon, I was assigned a client with a child. The client had similar features to Karate Kid and when I looked at the child and how cute he was I found myself thinking ‘I could have a cute child just like this with Karate Kid’. Oh my gosh what is happening to me? I like puppies! not children. Children scare me.

At the end of my shift I checked me phone and saw a message from him. I fumbled with my phone trying to open the message as quickly as possible. It read: “Ok wabbit. We will chat next time we meetup. :)”

Talk about anticlimax! What’s that supposed to mean? it doesn’t really tell me anything! I at least gave a hint that things are good from my side by saying that I was enjoying getting to know each other. How long am I meant to wait until we have this conversation? How can he be so patient to wait maybe a week or more? I don’t want to wait. I want an answer now. Does him wanting to wait to have the conversation mean that he isn’t invested and doesn’t know how to turn me down?

I contacted some girlfriends who helped decipher his text message. There were three positive clues: 1. He referred to me as wabbit. 2. He put a smiley face. 3. It looks like he’d rather have the conversation in person than over the phone….but this could be good or bad.

I don’t want to get my hopes up Dear Diary. I can analyse and decode as much as I’d like but only Karate Kid knows the truth. So, the question is, in search of clarity should I insist that I want a resolution immediately? or, should I allow him time to prepare himself for the conversation and wait up to a week or so for my answers? I decided to allow him time to breath (and myself also by default): “That sounds good hehe” it was nonthreatening and indicates all is well from my side.

I’ll reply to Mr Lady’s Man and my work friend tomorrow. I need more time to assess the situation. I guess I could always meet with them and if things do go ahead with Karate Kid I could tell them that I can’t see them any further as I’d met someone….seems reasonable.

Anastasia

Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com

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