Softening of the Hard Exterior – Entry 127

Dear Diary

This morning I received a message that made me smile: “Woke up this morning and wondered where you were…:p ” After reading it I couldn’t help but smile for the rest of the day. I caught myself on a few occasions thinking about him and our Sunday sleepover when I should have been focusing on work. I was happy and relieved because it meant that he was thinking of me consciously and subconsciously – a novel and reassuring sign.

I waited until the end of my shift to reply. I should have said “I must have been at the pharmacy getting the ‘morning after pill'” (I still can’t believe he confronted me about that. It’s good that he’s thinking like an adult, but honestly, there’s a one in a billion chance that it would happen and today isn’t that day). I settled on replying: “hehehe. I hope that you had a nice day today”. 

In other news, I had been missing my regular weather updates from Mr Obsessed (with my now married friend). He hadn’t told me about how miserable the weather was in his city nor his back pain for a few weeks. Today he sent through a message “This picture was taken 10 years ago” it was from a friend’s birthday dinner. I replied “Nawww look at us way back then!” He said “hahaha I look so young there. You really haven’t aged 🙂 ” – smart, smart man! it’s probably the best thing he could have said to make my day!

Mr Friendly sent me a message with a photo of a catalog. It was for Zorb balls. Doing the sums, they were for a great price! The only thing would be that we wouldn’t have insurance to cover us if we played our own games….

Bear has also been creating general conversation. For his work at the moment he’s doing long hours and sometimes only sleeping 4 hours a night. I told him that this wasn’t enough for beauty sleep. He agreed and said that that may be why he’s been looking a bit uglier than usual (he still has a good sense of humour).

I realised today that despite breaking up maybe 4 or so years ago that we still consistently refer to each other by our pet names. I call him Bear or Bear Bear and he calls me Buns (derived from Honey Bunny). I don’t know if this is healthy or not, but I do like being called Buns. If Karate Kid ever stumbled across the messages it wouldn’t matter as they are in Spanish.

For the Spain trip coming up, I haven’t confirmed anything with Bear. I think this is because I’m still not 100% convinced if it’s the best idea to go at all. One of my good friends pointed out that it may confuse me even further if seeing him reignites old feelings….fair call, I can see how that could happen with my amorous predisposition…..I haven’t heard from The Spaniard either and I don’t know what to expect from him – I had a dream the other night where I went to Spain and he greeted me in a friendly manner rather than a passionate one…maybe just a reflection of my innermost concerns? I don’t know for how long I should ‘hang around’ in Barcelona for either – Should I just stay maybe a weekend and go exploring the rest of the two weeks so that I don’t feel like I’m waiting around for him? and importantly, so that he doesn’t think that he needs to entertain me for two weeks. The other thing to consider is how and when to break it to Karate Kid that I’m going back to Spain again….

Giving me more incentive to go despite the ambiguity, my girlfriend who came to stay with my Father and I in Barcelona is interested in catching up whilst I’m in Spain. This would give me a good enough reason to commit to going. Does this hesitant behaviour mean that I’m settled back into normal life at home again maybe? Coming across a Spanish client at work today did remind me of my thirst for learning more Spanish – why not just go and make the most of the opportunity?

Polar Bear hasn’t been back in touch since the other week. This is a really good thing as I’m hoping that he’s reconnected with his ex-girlfriend. I really felt that they were a good match and I didn’t want to see him so soon after their breakup as I could be seen as a potential rebound – ah ah no, Anastasia is no one’s rebound thank you very much. Fingers crossed they get back together soon.


Image: [Jana Gouthova] ©

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