Dear Diary
When life gives you an overabundance of lemons they say you should make lemonade. I’ve highlighted a moral dilemma during my moments of soul searching – Is it wrong to continue dating when you’re not sure which Country you’ll be living in in a year’s time?
Combine this dilemma with increasing apathy towards the concept of dating. What is the final product you ask? It’s capitalist-flavoured lemonade! Being paid to date. I acknowledge that this also opens another can of moral dilemma worms, but at least it could fund my travels. There’s also the train of thought – what have I got to lose? and does it really matter if I invest my time into this novel way of dating as I’ve had no success with the conventional methods? Technically, the outcome will be the same but at least I’ll have more money in my back pocket.
There are a few arguments going through my head currently. I’ve settled my conscience with reassurances such as; the men I’d be dining with are wanting to pay women for their company, I am not obliged to sleep with them, I can cancel my subscription at any time, and I’d be going to places and events that I want to go to.
I did a little bit of research beforehand….it involved looking at other women’s profiles to see what the caliber of fellow available female company was like. Let’s just say that I don’t think I’d be friends with most of the women I saw, but that is my competitive edge. Despite the website stating explicitly that escorts were not welcome, I was very mindful that man may expect sensual pleasures in exchange for paid company. I’ve put some safeguards in place – selecting that I’m interested in ‘friends only’ rather than dating etcetera, and clearly articulating what I was looking for ‘conversation and friendly company only involving fine dining and theater productions’. I will have the choice of whether I interact with anyone that contacts me via the site. Also, I reserve the right whether to meet with them or not. I imagine I name my price also….which will be bizarre, but business is business.
In other dating news. I haven’t heard hardly anything from Karate Kid. He did send a message saying that he hoped I was going out dancing last night. I did go dancing, but because I wanted to. He asked me to dance a few dances. We didn’t act as if we were a couple…because in reality we aren’t…..yet….ever? I did feel jealous when I saw him enjoying himself dancing with other pretty women. Sometimes he’s too flirty, but that is him in his natural state of being. I executed my Cinderella Act, disappearing without saying goodbye as usual. No word from him since really. I’m not sure if he’ll organise a time to see me again…I don’t know if it’s healthy for me to see him to be honest. Is it going to go in the direction that I would like it to go in?
During the dance party I did dance with Quiet Guy and the Tardy Teacher. There is chemistry, but who knows if anything will ever eventuate. Mr Spark didn’t go out. Mr Friendly was there. His dancing is improving. He keep suggesting that we meet up for a proper catch up, but he hasn’t followed through with actually inviting me anywhere.
Last week I sent The Spaniard a message asking him on his thoughts of going somewhere if my leave in November is approved. He had originally asked if I was thinking of going back to Barcelona, but he hasn’t responded to my suggestion of meeting elsewhere….I guess no response is a response?
Situations like this really make me want to throw in the towel. It’s very frustrating being ready to meet someone and share something special, but to be continuously met with dead ends. I keep having flashbacks to Spain and feel myself yearning to go back. I still can’t differentiate if it’s because I really want to for my own good or if it’s because my heart wants to explore things further with The Spaniard. There is no guarantee that he’ll wait for me or that things would ever work out in the long term.
Watch this space, Dear Diary. Hopefully, I may have more positive news for you in the near future.
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 