Dear Diary
I was starting to feel desperate not knowing which direction to plan my future towards. It was silly in a way, as I already knew how things were….and how they will only ever be. Yet, the flicker of hope that kindled strong within gave me enough faith to take the leap…..and so I sent The Spaniard a message asking his thoughts on having me visit Spain for either a few weeks, months or a year.
The day before, he had wanted to talk with me on the phone just to say hi. He cheekily sent me a image of a freight sticker and said he was going to check himself in as a package and come to visit (reference to a joke from our airport farewell). It was Friday night though and I wasn’t going to sacrifice my evening for a brief and casual conversation. He needed to offer me something more substantial and at a more convenient time. He sent me a voice recording instead wishing me a fun evening out. The next day we sent a few messages just talking about each others day.
So, in response to my message asking what he thought about me coming back to Spain he replied: I will think about it and I’ll get back to you…*thumbs up emoji* he then sent a photo of himself with his son out and about.
That was 48 hours ago…..and no contact since….he has been online, but not to talk with me….I guess that is enough of a response? When I think about it the writing was on the wall, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. It is ludicrous to chase after a man in a foreign Country who is over 10 years my senior, separated and has a child. It’s a recipe for failure. He knew that already. He knew that when we were together in Spain. I was the one with the rose tinted lenses. It upsets me somewhat and I want to tell him that as a decent person he shouldn’t have chased me so intensely if he had no intention of following through. At the end of the day, he is a man and we are both adults – despite this rationalisation it still hurts.
Update with Karate Kid, well, I went out dancing on the weekend and he was respectful of my wishes to wind things back. I was actually dreading going to the party as I wasn’t sure if he’d make things awkward for me. Thankfully not. I’ve felt numb towards him since the night we shared together, but after seeing that he did respect my wishes at the party the flame ignited ever so slightly.
He wants to see me this week but things are never straight forward with Karate Kid. Before settling on which night of the week he is demanding that I first send him a photo of the now empty soup container that brought for me last week…..I don’t understand why and it makes me uncomfortable trying to understand so I said no to the photo. He’s not forthcoming with why he wants to photo either. This could potentially mean that we don’t meet up this week….maybe a good thing?
Mr Friendly (aka Dental Technician) was surprisingly-not-so-surprisingly at the party. He has not changed in the past 10 years! Looks the same, sounds the same and still overly friendly. He’s never been one for subtlety either. Allegedly, the story goes that he wanted to learn how to dance a month ago and went looking at options. He soon saw my photo on one of the advertisements for the school I go to and so he picked that dance style. His plan was to learn to dance and after mastering it in a year’s time he’d appear and impress me. He then said that he was happy he didn’t have to wait a year before seeing me again, though he was disappointed he was only a beginner dancer. He probed about how my personal life was….obviously fishing for traces of boyfriend in my responses. I wasn’t going to give that information up that easily. Eventually, he asked me straight out if I was seeing anyone. I could see Karate Kid across the room in my peripheral vision and then replied: No, not at the moment. Before Mr Friendly left that night he suggested that we: catch up for a movie, coffee, dinner, anything! It’d be so good to have a proper catch up with you. I said yes but hoping we can keep within the friend zone.
Other updates from the dance party: Mr Spark was there and we ignored each other. The Dance Teacher was super happy to see me and made a fuss that I looked really nice that night. The Tardy Teacher and I shared an amazing dance together…I wonder if he’ll ever ask me out again. There’s another man that I’ve not mentioned before that may be coming onto the radar….he’s maybe 15 years my senior though, divorced and has kids. He’s absolutely lovely and reminds me of a teddy bear, let’s call him Teddy. I have a suspicion that he likes me more than a friend and may not realise how much younger I am.
Teddy was actually really sweet at the party. I wore a dress that I hadn’t worn in years…turns out I must have tied it up better in the past. At the start of the party he came to ask me to dance but as he approached we realised that you could see MY NIPPLE…! I was mortified and almost hyperventilated with embarrassment. I fixed the dress and he comforted me saying that no one saw as it wasn’t obvious. Eventually, when the shock wore off we laughed about it as we danced. I haven’t had such a tremendous wardrobe malfunction in years.
By the way, the date with The Musician didn’t happen on Saturday morning. I didn’t receive a text message from him so didn’t follow up. I knew that he would have sent me a message on Facey, but that’s not an appropriate channel of communication for important things in my opinion. He needs to learn that if he wants to see me that he needs to text or call my phone directly. I did log in on Sunday evening and apologise for not getting his message until after the fact….let’s hope he connects the dots. I’m interested to know if he likes his new job.
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 