Dear Diary
I’d like to tell you about how the chat with The Spaniard went over the phone the other day. I was really hoping for a heart-to-heart and to determine where we stood and if it was worth actively pursuing something together. It didn’t quite turn out like that as he called me at the end of his lunch break with 15 minutes to spare and the connection was bad. When the line dropped out completely at the end I tried to resist, but ended up sending him an essay. I just needed to know if he would embrace the idea of me going to Spain/Europe for an extended period. So I wrote:
“I couldn’t hear you at the end. I suppose you needed to go back to work anyhow. It was lovely to hear your voice and know that you are well. I like the idea of talking via Skype next time. Hopefully the reception will be better.
I wanted to tell you something that I didn’t tell you in Spain. You already know that I wanted to learn Spanish and work overseas. I didn’t say that for years I have been playing with the idea of applying for a work visa in a European Country. Spain has always been my Country of choice as it’s exotic and has enchanted me since I first heard of it. But, the foreign language is a major obstacle, though not impossible to overcome. I can only apply for a work visa up to certain ages in different Countries so don’t have much time left to decide. My life is perfect and comfortable where I am but I have said to myself a few times that it is very possible that I would regret it if I didn’t go on that adventure. It seems crazy I know. I need more time to think about it.
I’ll leave you to your work. I hope that you have a nice day xo”
It wasn’t until a very long 19 hours later that he replied. He responded:
“Hola beautiful…I hope that your jetlag is improving…. To me your idea seems crazy but if you’ll regret it for the rest of your life then do it…. Maybe you could ask for leave from your work…I’ll help you in any way I can….think it through well….xo” Followed soon after with: “Your Spanish is good and with English here in Spain you won’t have a problem with work *thumbs up emoji*”
A few hours later I replied.
“Hola TS. Thank you so much, you’re a great man. There are a few avenues to achieve it with, and yes, please don’t worry I am thinking it through very well….but…I have reeaaaally great news – I have more hours of leave saved than I thought…like right now, if I really wanted to (and if my boss agreed of course haha) I could take 18 weeks of holidays! (you read correctly, eighteen!). What a blessing! I feel drunk from the happiness haha. With this leave I could travel and live in a foreign Country for a few months if I can’t get extended time off work.
I also have more good news. My Father should be leaving hospital tomorrow as long as things keep going well.
How are you? I hope that your day is going well xo”
I also attached some photos of a scenic bike ride I’d been on that morning…
His reply didn’t instill confidence in me. I was hoping that he’d be more jubilant of my good news…
“The photos look like post cards…how precious but you are the one that is presious 😉
What good news…I am really happy that you’d be closer..keep me informed…xo”
This response made me stop and think about things. He wasn’t really constructing a picture of us being together. He seemed refrained and politely expressing happiness for me. Could it be that he really wasn’t that invested in the idea of me coming back to Spain, of us and of how amazing we could be? I decided I wasn’t going to chase him any longer. It was up to him from now on to do the suggesting and prompting. I still want to live abroad but will do it on my own accord.
Just a few hours ago he sent through a picture of us taken at the nightclub that we went dancing at on our last night together in Barcelona….we did make a gorgeous couple…so tempting but will wait a few more hours before I reply something restrained like “nice photo! xo”
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 