Writing to you will be hard for the foreseeable future. It’s because Karate Kid and I are now living together. It’s unofficially official, at the moment, as I haven’t told my family or friends about the set up. Karate Kid has had to tell his family as he was living with his mother (bit hard to cover up that sort of thing).
In the last entry, I mentioned that Karate Kid was hesitant to move in straight away as he was responsible for most of the bills and paid board to his mother. He didn’t want to leave her destitute and I really respected this. I made it clear to Karate Kid that I wouldn’t be able to afford as much as I was now paying more rent than before.
Things changed in the first few days of me moving in to my new place. You see, Dear Diary, my unit is in the city and Karate Kid works in the heart of the city. He has the second key to the apartment, he parks his car in the spare secure car space underneath the building and walks or cycles to work (instead of commuting for an hour each way each day). For the first few days he kept his washing separate and planned to take it home. Without knowing this, I put his clothes in with my washing load when I had a day off to settle in to the new place. When he came home he had no reason to go back to his place.
The next day, he had to go home to do some chores that he’d promised his mother. He left his work things at my place and I asked before he walked out the door if he needed to take them with him. He turned to me and said “I’ve pretty much moved in. I’ll be back later tonight”.
I felt happy hearing this but also alarmed – I hadn’t thought this through at all. Did I want to live with Karate Kid straight away? I moved out for independence and space, after all. Would spending so much time together so early on be detrimental? Then again, kicking him out would surely be a negative thing for our relationship….hmmm but we had been dating for maybe nine months or more, so maybe it wasn’t too early. I guess more time together would make it easier to tell how compatible we were. Having him contribute to rent would also help me a lot too…..
Another thought that went through my mind was if it’d ruin the dating experience? I assume that we won’t go on as many dates anymore as Karate Kid can see me whenever he’d like to. Things were barely romantic at the start…so I guess all chances of it becoming more romantic are gone?
Karate Kid’s family seem to be in support of him moving out. His sisters have asked if there are things that they can help contribute to our household and are in negotiations with Karate Kid as to how they will split their mother’s bills now that Karate Kid is not living with her.
Just last weekend, Karate Kid told me that his sister will be buying us an ironing board as we need one….I didn’t know how I felt about this as I still haven’t met either of his sisters. It certainly was a positive thing and one should never look a gift horse in the mouth…so I told him that that was very kind of her.
Is it weird, Diary, that I’m preparing division of assets in my head if things don’t go well? The ironing board is his, the buckets, grater and potato masher are his. I own pretty much all the other kitchen goods and linen.
A thought came to me also….technically, we are de facto status now when completing our taxation returns at the end of financial year. This means that we need to consider our combined income and assets. Karate Kid has said that he’ll leave his postal address as his mother’s…so maybe this avoids any awkwardness?
Couples also need to be careful with division of assets if they have been living together for years and then split. I’ve heard of stories where one makes a claim on the other’s assets because after so many years it’s practically considered being married. I need to find out how long this period is. I have a feeling that it’s not very long at all, maybe six or twelve months.
In terms of splitting of bills, Karate Kid has said that he will pay 50% of rent and 50% of all bills. He wants to get internet connected soon as well, but I said that I don’t want to spend a fortune on it.
Last week, Karate Kid went back to his wrestling class after not having gone for maybe six months. I was happy that he went but also felt slightly threatened as he should be wanting to spend time with me. I quickly gave myself a reality check: It’s important for him to have his own interests (especially healthy ones that make him happy), time apart is a good thing, and, I get to do my own things and spend time with other people on Wednesday nights now.
Having him go to wrestling class did give me a window of opportunity last week. I was able to reply to Polar Bear. This is a conversation string from the past couple of weeks:
PB: “Good Morning Anastasia 🤗
The xxx festival looks amazing – definitely interested to get along [reference to an event I invited everyone to….then I forgot to invite Polar Bear because I was so busy with moving].
How’s things with you? Have you found another place to live? Did your housemate understand? I hope things are working out – perhaps we meet for dinner and you tell me then?”
Polar Bear is an ex housemate of mine who’s made it clear that he’s not interested in dating anyone as he is training to be a pilot and will be jetting all over the world soon, but who I get the feeling may be interested in something with me. Each time we meet, he says how he doesn’t want a relationship or children. I get the feeling though that he’d date casually with no strings attached, otherwise, why would be keep wanting to catch up for nice dinners one-on-one?
I replied the next day:
“Hello Polar Bear 🙂
Glad to hear that you are interested! I think we are all a big bunch of nerds so there should be a few of us interested haha
I’m still looking for something that feels like home. Fingers crossed I find something soon. My housemate is fine, she’ll just tighten up her spending until she is able to fill the room again.
Haha dinner is always good. I managed to pick up a head cold when I was overseas for a friend’s wedding on the wknd (nasty xxxx strain haha). When I’m well it’d be nice 🙂“
I wasn’t that sick, but wanted to buy some time as I hadn’t told him about Karate Kid and I dating yet…and things were more serious than before so it felt weird saying over text that I was in a relationship.
Ten days later, Polar Bear sent through a message:
“Hello Anastasia! Would you like to go for dinner one night next week, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday perhaps? I promised you dinner, and it would be wonderful to catch up 😁”
This was just after I had moved into my new place and Karate Kid had moved in. I didn’t know which night was good to see him and didn’t want to say to Karate Kid that I was meeting one-on-one with Polar Bear in a nice restaurant for a catch up again.
“Hello Polar Bear
Happy Friday! That sounds nice. I’ll work out which evening suits best.
Lots of change to share with you 🙂“
I secretly hoped that he’d discover that he had plans and would be too busy to see me. I wanted a bit of extra time so that it wouldn’t sound so intense when I told him that I had a boyfriend and was now living with him…..The other awkward thing was that Polar Bear lived only a few blocks from my new place. I hadn’t realised before, but was sure that he’d want to come over and see my place (and notice all of Karate Kid’s belongings in the house).
PB: “Excited to hear about it! I had a feeling you were making moves..
I’ve made a plan to fly to xxx with a colleague from work (also a pilot) on Friday 30-April; if Friday is the only day which works for you may we reschedule?”
This was good, Friday was out. Maybe if I waited a little longer both Wednesday and Thursday wouldn’t be options any longer?
Me: “Haha sure 🙂 I’ll pick between Weds and Thurs“
PB: “Thank you 🙏”
During the next few days, Karate Kid announced his intention to go back to his wrestling class – on a Wednesday night. This was perfect. I sent Polar Bear a message on the Monday night:
“Hello Polar Bear
I hope that you’ve had a nice Monday.
Wednesday night is my pick of nights. There’s a but though, lol. I was only reminded today that [mutual friend] is moving into her new house that night and I had offered to lend her a hand ferrying boxes between.
If you’d like you’re welcome to join me and we can eat afterwards?”
I knew that we wouldn’t be eating one-on-one afterwards as we’d be eating with our mutual friend and whoever else was helping her move, muhahaha. The next step was figuring out how to strategically introduce the news of Karate Kid and I dating into the conversation.
PB: “Sure thing – happy to lend a hand. I am rather good at lifting heavy things too 😁
Where and when would you like me to meet you?“
The response “Anywhere but my place” came to mind.
Me: “Great 🙂 it’s probably best to meet at Sarah’s place as I’ll be coming straight from work.
I’ll forward her address to you when I get it off her. She lives in xxxxx.”
When Wednesday night came around, all I had to tell Karate Kid was that I was helping my friend move. It was really handy having Polar Bear there as he was very strong and lifted most of the heavy things.
Polar Bear and I didn’t get to talk too much until we were in the car driving. We decided that it was best to eat with our mutual friend and the other helpers and that we could go out to dinner another time. He made me promise to see him for dessert and a proper talk after the dinner.
After dinner, Polar Bear suggested that we go back to my place and he could walk from there to his place. He sold his car to pay for his pilot exams so had gotten a lift with me. I really didn’t want him to see Karate Kid’s belongings in my new unit so suggested having something sweet to eat like we had discussed earlier. Polar Bear liked this idea and so directed me to somewhere close to where we both live.
We walked for a bit and I told him about all the changes that had been going on in my life. He then said “Next you’re going to tell me that you’ve met someone”. This was convenient and awkward at the same time, but the perfect chance to mention Karate Kid. I said yes, and that it wasn’t anything to significant at the moment. Polar Bear probed further to find out if he knew who it was. He couldn’t quite remember him from my birthday party, but I was sure that he’d be stalking him on Facey soon enough.
After mentioning Karate Kid, things got a little strange between Polar Bear and I. He seemed to be a little hurt and defensive. He told me that he finds lots of women attractive and that he took a liking to one of the girls helping with the move today. Usually, he wouldn’t say something like this around me (he’d usually say that he isn’t interested in a relationship as he’ll be jetting around the world soon). He asked me how Karate Kid managed to win my heart and what it was about him that I was drawn to. I thought that these were thoughtful questions and I took a moment to ponder.
I told Polar Bear that Karate Kid and I had been friends for a couple of years and that I hadn’t noticed him until two New Years Eves ago when he stole a kiss from me. From then on, it was a long and complicated courtship as it wasn’t clear what we both wanted. I told him that I like Karate Kid’s playful side, that he can dance, and also that he is protective and loyal to his family and friends. I tried not to dwell too much on all the tough times.
I don’t think that Polar Bear seemed convinced about the viability of the relationship after hearing what I had to say. To be honest, I’m not even sure about it’s viability, but am still giving it a try.
I told Polar Bear that I was feeling tired and had work the next day. I drove him home and he didn’t even give me a hug good bye (like he usually would). I got the feeling that I wouldn’t be seeing Polar Bear any time soon and that I likely wouldn’t get to go for a flying trip with him as a belated birthday present that he promised.
IMAGE: [JANA GUOTHOVA] 123RF.COM