Digesting Change and New Information – Entry 196

Dear Diary

Hello, I’m back.  I originally started writing this entry after returning from my best friend’s wedding overseas a few weeks ago…. but so much has been happening. I apologise in advance for this being a lot of information crammed into the one diary entry.

Before we get onto the boy talk, I’ll share some good and almost-good news with you.

The good news is that I’ve found somewhere new to live. Can you believe it? I’m sure that you’re as shocked as I am hearing this news as I’ve been complaining about wanting to move for over a year.

Where I live now is a one bedroom unit very close to the city center. There’s a bike way nearby as well so I can cycle after work. It’s also furnished, has a pool, and, has a chute to put your rubbish down so I never have to take out the trash bin to the curbside….They should really have put this in the advertisement as it was a big selling point for me. The unit also has two secure car spaces which is almost unheard of in the city. It is more expensive than the rent I was paying previously, but I’m prepared to wear the cost (for sanity sake).

Speaking of sanity, the last night that I spent at my old place was a rather traumatising one. Do you remember me mentioning the crazy neighbour a few times in the past? Well, that Tuesday night was one of her ‘unwell‘ nights, so it turns out. I had been out watching a comedy show with a girlfriend of mine when my housemate sent a text message that she had needed to phone the police because of sounds of domestic violence coming from their home. An hour later, when I arrived home, things had calmed down but there were still sounds of unrest.

What unnerves me the most about that night is that the woman next door would have been creeping around outside for a few hours. Allow me to elaborate; when I got home, I spent a couple of hours working on my laptop. I didn’t have my bedroom light on, but she would have seen the glow from my screen around the blinds. At one point, she threw a plastic cup at my window and cursed something. I kept working and ignored her. About an hour later when I’d finished my work, I went to the bathroom to fix my contact lenses…..she was still outside and must have been waiting for any signs of life.

I tried to fix my contact lenses without trembling too much as she yelled nonsense through the window about keeping away from her husband (if you recall, she has had delusions for over 18 months now that my housemate is having an affair with her husband….it’s definitely a delusion as my housemate is a meek churchgoing do-gooder who is the least likely person capable of such a thing…also, ewwww, anyone with standards wouldn’t go near her husband).

What made that night different to the rest was her level of agitation. It was much worse than usual and she was becoming aggressive. She banged on my bedroom window, then yelled through the bathroom window and then went to the other side of the house to slam on the front door demanding that I let her in…..umm, no thank you…..she did that cycle twice before I got my phone to call the police. I was shaking and fumbling so much and too afraid to turn on the lights to find the local police station number, that I just dialed the three digit emergency number in the end.

The man on the other end of the phone was calm and seemed caring. He said that help would arrive when it could. As he said that, the woman slammed on the front door again and I gasped and started getting teary. I was thankful that there were security screens on the doors and windows. At that point, the policeman on the phone said that help would be there soon.

I went to get changed into exercise clothes and to find a wooden rolling pin to use as a weapon. If she got through the door or window I’d need to defend myself and potentially get outside of the unit. As I was searching through the kitchen draws in the dark, there was a loud knock at the door. My heart jumped and then relaxed as soon as I heard the words ‘Police’. I was irritated that the neighbours in my block hadn’t phoned the authorities either, such a bad neighbourhood when you don’t even look after your own neighbours.

There were five policemen at the door. One took a statement and the others searched the area. They asked me if the woman had any reason to want to do me harm – I said that she was mentally unwell. They asked how could I be certain if it was her if I hadn’t physically looked out the window to identify her – I said that it was definitely her as this wasn’t the first occasion and the episodes were becoming more violent.

The night ended with the police going next door to have a stern talking to the woman about trespassing and terrorising neighbours. Despite this, I didn’t sleep very well for the remainder of the night for fear of her coming back. The silver lining was that the next day was moving day for me 🙂 I sheepishly packed my car and ran inside and locked the door a few times when I thought that I heard the woman’s voice. She didn’t come back…and neither will I.


 

The other, almost-good, news is that I have had two job interviews in the past few weeks. One is for a contract position with scarce work, but extremely interesting. I’ll likely be called upon once or twice a year to give my ‘expert advice’…that’s if I can convince them in the next lot of interviews that I am expert enough in legislation related to my field (let’s just say I’ve got a lot of lonely nights coming up just reading the law for the next few weeks).

The second job is full time but does not require weekend or on-call work. They even said that on rare occasions that I’d be able to work from home if necessary – my jaw dropped with shock and excitement hearing this as this dream has never been an option for me, until now. This particular job will also require one or two more lots of interviews. Fingers crossed that they choose me! It’ll be a significant pay cut, but I would rather the work-life balance and to reclaim quality of life.


 

Random update as well on the rental bond-ex landlord-court situation: I received a Facey notification just the day I was moving out saying that someone wanted to connect with me on Messenger…the first name is the same, the last name is different and the blurry photo looks very much like my ex-landlord. The notification sent chills down my spine, it would likely be a sour and threatening message that would do no good reading – so I decided it best not to open it.

A few days later, I heard from the Courthouse that they were unsuccessful with seizing anything of sufficient value to recoup the amount that the ex-landlord stole from me. For me, I was left with mixed emotions as I really wanted the money back…but it was also satisfying knowing that he was worth so little. The debt collectors took his boat and tailor, the debt collectors had encumbered his car and the combined total of the goods inside his home weren’t worth much. Until he does something really idiotic, his house is untouchable as he co-owns it with his Swedish business partner.

So, in conclusion to the epic ordeal that was getting my bond back, I will be refunded my Bailiff/Sheriff security deposit in the coming weeks. Even though it’s my money, it feels great waiting for a lump sum of cash to be returned to you.


 

When I returned from my friend’s wedding, I was in two minds about getting rid of my online dating account. Things were going relatively well with Karate Kid, but I had felt it sensible to keep my options open at the time.

When I logged in, I had received an ‘interest’ from “happycouple2“. The username caught my attention as I thought that this man must be wanting to be in a happy couple. I clicked onto his profile and soon discovered his username wasn’t so abstract.

We are a happy, extremely driven, yet down to earth couple looking for a female to build a friendship with. Someone that would like to be part of our lives and if we click, explore ourselves intimately together… and have some fun! We are not interested in short lived, empty exchanges. We understand that when we meet a person and we may happen to catch up with for a drink or coffee that we may not click. we are only interested in a friendship that is mutual to all of us including it becoming intimate in the future. 

If this is something that may interest you then it would be good to meet us for a coffee or a drink to see if we make compatible friends. 

If this is not for you, thankyou for reading this far and wish you well. 

About us… 
– Aged 41 (male) and 28 (female) 
– We’ve been together for 5 yrs and friends for over 10. 
– Fit, healthy and attractive. 
– We are both professionals, which is why our pics are private. Happy to share on request. 
– We work hard, so we can live big. 

We love… 
– Travel, food, live music, fashion, coffee, cheese, wine and good company! nothing better than good company great food and wine! 
– Nature in every form, beach and bushwalking. 
– Water sports, surfing, yoga and gym. like doing activities, not watching them. 
– Our two adorable puppies, even though they are trouble! 
– Wholesome organic food and going to the markets

I know that this may sound strange, but one of the first thoughts that came into my mind was: “Are they murderers?“. I mean, are they just looking for a desperate and dateless girl to join them for a night of fun and then they torture and kill her at the end (Apparently, I watch the news too much). I studied their faces…they seemed like normal, everyday people and were reasonably attractive – why would they want a third person in the mix if they are so happy (#happycouple2)? they must be murderers.

After that, I decided to take my profile down. I figured that it was worth trying things out further with Karate Kid.


 

Now, for the boy talk.

Two Fridays ago, Karate Kid and I drove North to visit my family and take my younger brother to the movies. It was late when we finished watching Tomb Raider so we ended up staying the night at my family’s home. Everything went really well and I feel that Karate Kid is becoming more comfortable with being around my family (it was his second exposure).

The reason why I wanted to go up to visit them is because they are going away for three weeks over the Easter period to visit other family far South. This means that I am ‘an orphan’ for Easter this year and will have lunch with Karate Kid and his family on Monday 2nd April.

 


 

Two Saturdays ago, Karate Kid and I went with a group to play a virtual reality zombie killing game. I’d just had to pay my security bond and rent in advance for the new unit so was feeling the pinch. I opted out and sold on my ticket to someone else going to the event. Karate Kid was disappointed that I wasn’t joining in and offered to pay for me, I declined the offer.

After the game, Karate Kid had to drive South to his house to mow the lawn and do other chores. I had a feeling that he’d end up sleeping and not doing them as we’d had a late night before. Being thoughtful, I preemptively sent the message below. We had plans to go to Dance Teacher’s house to discuss later that night to discuss the dance congress he is organising for November.

Hello mr cuddly raccoon 🙂

In case you didn’t get to mow the lawn, I’ve brought your things in case it’s easier for you to stay at your place tonight 🙂 I’ll be meeting with my friend in the morning at 11am at her place.

I’m always happy for you to stay over at mine too 🙂 whatever is easiest for you. My housemate is leaving for church at 8am tomorrow. xo”

I’d sent the message as I was leaving for the dinner meeting. Karate Kid hadn’t replied by the time I arrived. He must have been sleeping.

About an hour after I had arrived at the dinner meeting, Karate Kid strolled in. I got up from my seat and he came over to hug me hello. He hugged me awkwardly, no kiss. There were no seats next to me so he sat on the other side of the table. I was upset that he hadn’t greeted me warmly or with a kiss. I felt that it looked as though we weren’t really a couple.

Later on, when we all stood up for a break, I went to give Karate Kid another hug. Again, no kiss. I gave up at that point. I don’t know at what point we had regressed back to ‘I’d rather pretend that we are just friends in front of certain people‘. I speculated that it may have been because there were new female faces at the table….why was I so insecure again? I had been doing so well after meeting his mother.

At the end of the dinner meeting, Karate Kid came up to touch my arm whilst I was talking to the group. Dance Teacher was also talking to me at the end and put his arm on me as we all walked down the stairs to our cars. At the bottom of the stairs, Karate Kid came up beside me and gently took my hand. Walked to my car and got his things out of the trunk, he said that he would drive home so that he could do the chores that he hadn’t done earlier in the day (because he was sleeping). I gave him a pathetic hug goodbye and didn’t allow him a chance to kiss me. I started walking to my car door and he called me back and then pecked me on the cheek. I wondered if he realised that I was upset with him for being cold.

When I arrived at my place, I had a shower and prepared to sleep. I looked at my phone and there was a missed call from Karate Kid. I figured that he wanted to talk about why I was upset. The phone then started ringing again. I let it ring out. I didn’t feel like discussing the same old issues with Karate Kid at midnight when I was also tired. I decided that he could text me or leave a voice message and I’d reply in the morning.

When I woke up the next morning, there had been three missed calls in total. When I connected to the internet, there were also two missed calls on Watsapp…..I began to worry that something was very wrong. He hadn’t left a voice message or tried to text me. To determine how urgent it was, I logged onto Facey. He had been active just 30 minutes before and there were no posts of distress on his wall so I felt it safe to assume that he was alive and well.

I sent him the following text:

Hey, hope everything is okay? Just saw your missed calls from last night”

Three hours later, he replied:

Good morning wabbit. Lol I was going to surprise you but you didn’t pick up….oh well….have a great time with your friend this morning and hopefully see you at the waffle-making party later…. 🙂

Ps…your creative ideas at the meeting were awesome”

It turned out that he had driven all the way to my house that night and then drove an hour to his place. I acknowledge that it seemed like a sweet idea, but that’s what he gets for not communicating. It upset me that he hadn’t used ‘xo’ in his messages for such a long time.

Later that day, Karate Kid and I discussed what had happened at the dinner meeting the night before (well, I broached the topic). I told him that I thought that he didn’t want to display signs of affection and didn’t want to advertise that we were dating again. He cut me off and said that there was nothing to be concerned about. He then told me that he felt really unwell with an upset stomach. He did have a temperature and looked very uncomfortable, so I patted his skin with a damp cloth to cool him down and also gave him some medicine to make him more comfortable.

He did appreciate me looking after him when he was feeling unwell:

Me: “Good morning cuddly raccoon. I hope that you’re feeling much better today than yesterday. Wishing  you a nice day xo”

KK “Good morning wabbit, yes, I am feeling better. All that tummy rubbing helped :p wishing you a nice day too…2 days to go!!! :)” 

He was referring to the big move. We had discussed the potential for living together, but that wouldn’t be for a while. He told me that because he pays board and for most of the bills at his mother’s place that he’d have to work out a solution before moving out. He was concerned that his mother may not be able to afford to live if he suddenly moved out. For now, he’d just come to visit a few nights a week.

 


 

In other news, I have a different perception of Shy Guy now. Last month, when Karate Kid and I went for the road trip, he told me a story about Shy Guy that made me feel uncomfortable.

Apparently, a couple of years ago, a female friend of theirs went through a divorce. She must have had a dialogue with Shy Guy during this difficult time, and he misinterpreted things….let me remind you that this is fourth hand information – allegedly, Shy Guy went to this girl’s house and climbed her balcony wanting to get in because he was expecting sexy fun time…..she called another male friend for help as this wasn’t what she wanted.

Despite there being two sides to every story, this particular story really disturbs me and has changed how I interact with Shy Guy. I really want to distance myself from him and cut short our conversations as I don’t want to end up in a similar situation.

Shy Guy and Karate Kid had an argument about a month ago and haven’t spoken to each other since. They ignored each other at the waffle party the other weekend and avoid each other at dance parties. It’s really immature. Anyway, what concerns me more is that I get the feeling that Shy Guy doesn’t completely respect that I’m in a relationship with Karate Kid. I get the impression that, if given the chance, he’d take me from Karate Kid. I really wish now that I hadn’t been honest with him after my birthday months ago.

Shy Guy sent me a message on Facey a few weeks ago to see why I had changed my mind and wanted to sell my ticket for the virtual reality experience. I told him that it was because I had to pay my bond and rent in advance for the move.

SG: “Ah I c, yeah understandable. Moving for KK? I don’t pay rent, helps to live a somewhat decadent lifestyle 😛

Karate Kid had told me that Shy Guy spends his money on expensive comic book and movie paraphernalia. I think that Karate Kid has noticed Shy Guy’s interest in me and has been taking any opportunity he can get to put dirt on him.

Me: “Haha lucky you! I am moving to be closer to the city so I can do more in the evenings and on wknds haha

I haven’t been on Facey for a couple of weeks now as I haven’t had internet connected in my new place.

There was also a message from Mr Smooth I that I didn’t click on to read. The message started with something like: “Hey girl, where are you? why aren’t you out dancing?…..”
I’ll reply to him the next time I sign in, maybe.


 

Now for an update with Mr Nice Guy. He’s been reaching out to me to see if I can give him any insight as to how my newly single friend feels about him:

NG: “Did [newly single friend] tell you that she met my sister the weekend before ?
She looked breathtakingly beautiful! ([Newly single friend] that is)

She put light curls in her hair, and wore a beautiful outfit. She was so nervous at dinner about being late meeting her for the first time. She was very cute ☺️

I just hope it wasn’t too soon, I didn’t want to scare her, it was a comedy show and my sister had extra tickets. I didn’t really think too much about it till later, i just wanted to see her again lol

This message evoked mixed emotions for me. It was so nice to hear him happy. It hurt reading it in a way because I wished that someone would care that much about me. I wondered if Karate Kid would ever talk like that about me….I wondered if my friend at the wedding the other week was right. She said to me that it is possible that Mr Nice Guy has been wanting to be with me for years and that if given the chance he’d treat me like a queen…..she said that seeing as my newly single friend wasn’t jumping at the chance to be with him and keeping her options open that it was fair game…..I still feel guilty just thinking about it.

Me: “That’s really sweet of you NG 🙂 I haven’t caught up with [newly single friend] in a couple of weeks now. It sounds like things are unfolding well. Just keep being you 🙂

I sent a message to my newly single friend:

Me: “…..How are things going with you and the dating world 😉

NSF: “I had a nice night with Nice Guy at comedy – it was hilarious we got picked on being in the second row.

The Italian Stallion is coming to Bris tonight to catch up kinda shocked though open to the idea as he is making the effort 😂 I may ask a few questions.

Keep you posted.”

The Italian Stallion is a dashingly handsome pilot who dances. I’ve known him for years and he’s definitely the type not to settle down. I’ve warned Newly Single Friend about him and that not to get her hopes up about a month ago when I was doing the hard sell with dating Nice Guy (who is ready-to-go husband material).

Me: “Oh yay! I’m so glad that you decided to go to comedy 🙂 it’s the best way to find out of you’re really into someone or not 😉 and to see if you share the same humour lol. Did you get along with his sister?

Oh really? That’s big. Make sure he works for you. Just coming to visit once isn’t enough, he should have come to visit sooner. My jury is still out on him and no sign of making a good verdict any time soon lol

NSF: “Yeah Nice Guy’s sister reminds me of Nice Guy, very happy and really lovely.

Yeah I know he has been away in xxxx city but I cannot remember for how long, his darn charm – lolz tonight I’ll just have fun, no stress

Hhmmm I was getting mixed messages. Does she want Nice Guy or not?

Me: “Yeah, just enjoy the dating experience 🙂 how nice that he’s coming all this way to see you!

About a week later, I heard from Mr Nice Guy again:

Hiya Anastasia 🙂
How was your Tuesday ?
Can you spare a little of your wisdom? 😂
You are [newly single friend]’s close friend, I feel like I need a bit of an insight into her 😝
Is she the type of girl that likes to be chased and asked to go for activities ? And thinks that it’s cute to show a little eagerness to see her?

Or does she prefer someone to be a little more chill and laid back and not crowd her too much? And not come across as too eager?

It seems like a very fine line and I don’t want to be on the wrong side of it

I felt that these questions were better asked to my friend, rather than me, but I felt I’d try to help anyway:

Hey Nice Guy

Haha I’ll see how much wisdom I can impart. It’s true, there is a fine line. I need more context. I need to know:
– How many dates that you’ve been on
– What she’s said that is significant in terms of giving you hints to how she feels
– If you’ve touched on any significant conversational topics for relationships (i.e. children, wants)

This will give me a little more insight. At the end of the day, though, most girls need to see that you’re putting in effort and inviting them to do things – otherwise we assume that you’re not interested.

The flip side is that she may not be ready to settle into a relationship yet. It’s still fairly recent since her breakup. If you push too soon she may get scared off.

My best advice remains the same: keep being your wonderful self and spending time with her. The more time we spend with you the more likely we will fall in love. A loose analogy is like in the movies where at the start the guy offends the girl and she doesn’t like him. He chases her relentlessly and eventually wins her over. The major difference is that you and Diana are friends already, so that’s a much better starting point lol”

Mr Nice Guy then replied with another novel:

I haven’t pushed anything, I know she’s just out of a relationship and just moved into her own place so I didn’t want to pressure her into anything. I just wanted to be someone she can enjoy spending time with, as I really enjoy spending time with her.
Date.. I’ve always been confused as what is considered a date!

The first real time we were together for a long period of time was end of Jan when we went to Thai, and I attempted to set up her television and Nintendo. After that I asked her to Italian and mini-golf.

I remember her saying this was a really unique idea and that she’ll plan the next.
[my (now-ex) housemate]’s b’day dinner

Then I asked her to the comedy night, we went out to Indian first, and she took a pic of us and said “I told my mother I was seeing you again”. That was also the night she met my sister

Then she said she was catching up with her dad the following weekend, so I didn’t plan anything with her assuming she was busy, but asked her to a movie Sunday, in which she said she was busy can we reschedule, then I left it another week and asked her over (on Sunday night again) for drinks and dinner as my housemate was having friends over. She said Sunday was long run day. Then she organized the group movie in which I said I might not be able to attend but was able to in the end so on fri I said if she was still interested in seeing a movie, she said that she was heading to xxxx [South city] to swim and said how about a night next week she said she would check her diary and get back to me

I realize a few of them was really short notice. And obviously on Sunday when she does her long marathon training so I’ve learnt that lesson 😆 I’m just trying not to ask her out too much and be too pushy but also not have so long a gap that she loses interest ? For all I know she’s just busy and everything is fine and I’m overthinking things. I tend to do that just wanted your thoughts lol

Wow, that’s huge sorry! Oh gosh If she knew I was thinking all this she’d think I was nuts.
I think I’m nuts lol 😂 You probably think I’m nuts haha
I should just be happy she keeps wanting to see me and thank my lucky stars and leave it at that lol”

That was a lot of information to digest. There were a lot of mixed messages that she was sending him….telling her mother about him…but then going to the Southern city to swim (because that’s where Italian Stallion is) and then ‘checking her diary’ and not getting back to him…..I was struggling to know what she wanted too. I needed time to digest the information myself.

Me: “Haha you’re not nuts, you just care a lot 🙂
As it’s late, I’ll sleep on it and write you tomorrow.
Good night :)”

Later the next day, I replied to Mr Nice Guy with a well-thought response:

Hello Mr NG

I hope that you had a nice Wednesday.

I’ve analysed the situation as best I can. It’s really positive that she’s sent photos of you both to her mother.

I think that she’s a busy lady and you need to book her in with more notice.

It does take time to win a woman’s heart. Persistence is key. I wouldn’t try to make things official just yet as it’s unclear still. Keep inviting her out and you’ll get a better feel for each other.

Ideally, give her at least four days notice. You can even book her in when you’re on a date so that it’s clear when you’ll be seeing each other next.

Does this help a bit?”

I didn’t tell him the part about suspecting that Italian Stallion was stealing her attention at the moment. I figured that my friend would eventually come to her senses and choose the superior option for long-term happiness. I guess if Italian Stallion was giving you attention that it’d be hard to ignore…..

Mr NG: “Heya Anastasia, sorry for messaging you so late yesterday, I hope you’ve had a spectacular day

Yep you’ve been very helpful 🙂 Thank you Anastasia, I knew I was asking the right person.  I will take your advice and will make sure I give her as much notice as I can when I ask her out for activities.

I wasn’t thinking of asking or making anything official. You’re right in that she is just out of a relationship and I don’t want to scare her. Slow and steady (within reason lol) wins the race. I will wait till I know it’s a little more obvious and we’ve been out a lot more before I make any big moves like that. I’m just content to be able to spend time with her and honored that she wants to share her time with me 🙂

If I do anything stupid or am not doing something right, make sure you clip me over the ears for it 😆 I trust you entirely and will always take what you tell me (good or bad) whole heartedly 😊”

What? trust me entirely?! he really shouldn’t trust anyone that much. How does he know what my true intentions are? I’ve been doing my best to give him unbiased and impartial advice. I can see how easy it would be to manipulate someone when they are so trusting. I can understand why some wonderful men end up with such horrible and dominating women – they are too dumb to realise that they are being controlled (or, they are too lazy/comfortable to do anything about it).

I decided to cut the conversation off. It wasn’t good for me to be too invested in their relationship as I did have a conflict of interest and there was no predicting who my newly single friend would choose to be with:

Haha sounds like you have the situation under control 🙂

 

Anastasia xo

 

IMAGE: [JANA GUOTHOVA] © 123RF.COM

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