Uncovering Hard Evidence and Almost Having To Admit I Was Wrong…. – Entry 160

Dear Diary

Please pardon me for not writing sooner, there’s so much to catch you up on.

The last we spoke, I was deciding whether or not I wanted to speak with Karate Kid. I’d essentially accused him of being interested in another woman – Plain Jane Peasant Maiden. He certainly wanted to talk, but I wanted more time to think: “You should do your wrestling or martial arts class tonight. I will be busy trying to sort my laptop and then all the house jobs. A phone call would be better. Hopefully I will have calmed down enough by then.”

He did understand my message as he responded: “Ok. I will talk to you tonight.”…..but in true Karate Kid style, he didn’t call…instead he turned up on my doorstep that night.

On Monday night, when he arrived I was actually in the shower. Fortunately, I had just finished showering and heard his distinctive knock at the door. I put a towel around me and answered the door. He made himself at home whilst I finished drying off.

The talk did go well, but not 100% to plan. We spoke about how his words had been misinterpreted and how hurtful I perceived them. We didn’t talk about Plain Jane Peasant Maiden that night. I decided to hold off on this conversation until another time as I was too angry still. He did though, suggest that we do a picnic and that I see his workplace on Friday afternoon. I was intrigued to see his office as it was one of the tallest buildings in the city and had amazing views. He would need to organise security access for me to enter. I was really happy with this plan I’d always been curious to know what it looked like inside and to see the views.

Leading up to Friday, I asked Karate Kid during general conversation if I should prepare something for the picnic. He didn’t answer my question so I decided to prepare something nice so as to contribute. On Friday, I made an apple crumble (my first ever attempt) and also a dip. I arrived about 25 minutes late to his workplace because I’d been baking. He proudly showed me around his office space and I felt really privileged. I did not meet any of his colleagues as they were in a more ‘secure’ part of the building.

After the tour, I announced that I’d baked some things to contribute to the picnic. He looked at me, smiled and then laughed. He said that he hadn’t planned on a picnic but that we needed to sample what I’d made. We retrieved the food from my car and then went to a park to eat it. He wouldn’t tell me what his original plan had been – maybe a surprise for next time?

After that, he drove us to an Star Observatory which also had a museum. It was a thoughtful outing and I really enjoyed the evening. The only things that spoiled it were him suggesting that I pay for our beverages and for the entry to the Observatory….I would have considered this IF I hadn’t had spent a couple of hours baking and also had bought breakfast ingredients for the next morning’s breakfast. I know it sounds shallow, but him suggesting that I pay really did spoil such a special occasion. I’m not sure how to bring this up in conversation with him. It’d need to be tabled after other agenda items had been sorted (i.e. Plain Jane Peasant Maiden).

Speaking of which, that night, I did decide to bring her up that night. After our Observatory outing Karate Kid wanted to go dancing. I needed a shower and was feeling tired so said that I’d go home instead and that he could come over once he’d finished dancing. He did go dancing and came to my place at about 11pm. We spoke about other things until I got the courage to wake him up from dozing to question him about Plain Jane Peasant Maiden.

The conversation was frustrating as I wanted him to come clean. He wanted to know who I’d been speaking to and why I was looking through his phone. I wouldn’t tell him who tipped me off and said that I’d never been through his phone – instead, I knew that he’d been talking with her because I could see her name on his screen when he was lying in bed next to me texting her on a few occasions….I told him that I wasn’t an idiot and asked if he like her. I’m still trying to process his response. He paused and said “I do find her attractive. But I find a lot of people attractive” ……..seriously……is that meant to make me feel more secure? because it didn’t.

He also defended himself by saying that they’d dated briefly a long time ago. I told him it wasn’t a long time ago, that it was only 18 months ago and the photos of them together on Facey were the only reason why I accepted his friendship request as I knew he wasn’t single and looking then. I probed further and asked who ended it. He said that it ended because they weren’t compatible and that she ended it…..this upset me further as he was still obviously very interested and still wanted to keep close in case she changed her mind. He reassured me by saying “but why would I do that when I’ve got you?” …..again, this didn’t make me feel special – what am I? some sort of convenient substitute whilst he waits? Why wasn’t he telling me that I am the only one he wants? Why wasn’t he telling me that he isn’t interested in her sexually or romantically? I went to bed that night feeling as jealous and threatened as I was beforehand.

I should note that at one point he did go to get his phone so that he could (presumably) show me their conversations to ease my mind. I refused the invitation as I was too proud and upset (silly move in hindsight).

On the Saturday, I made us a nice breakfast. He had dance class to go to and I had a wedding to attend. He planned to go to a dance party that night but would come to stay over that night. After the wedding I sent him a message to say that I’d be home. He arrived at 1am and we slept. The next morning I made us another nice breakfast and he invited me to go dancing that night. He really wanted to dance with me and there were two parties to choose from. I said that I’d decide later in the day as I had to work and would likely be tired.

I was right. When he called to see if I wanted to go dancing I was busy hanging out washing. He would have driven me there as he was close by at a friend’s place but started driving as I didn’t answer: “Just leaving XX’s place. Was seeing if you were up for the first dance party. Hope you have a nice sleep. I’ll check up with you afterwards :)”

I was torn between going and not. Karate Kid really wanted me to go as it meant a lot to him….but I was tired, had work commitments the next day AND…I would become very jealous seeing him dancing with Plain Jane Peasant Maiden…..it wasn’t worth the risk.

I waited until later in the night: “I really want to. I’ve just gotten off the phone with a friend who needed to talk. I’ll rest now because of the early shift tomorrow. I hope you enjoy all the dancing tonight, lucky ducky.” This was true, my friend had just broken up with her boyfriend and needed to talk.

At 11pm, Karate Kid replied: “Lol no lucky duck but a raccoon without wabbit! Nah couldn’t find parking at the second party so no more dancing….late night snack at [x suburb near his home] :D”. This meant that he wasn’t coming over…which was a good thing as I was exhausted from so many disturbed nights with his visits.

I tried to make the situation better by texting him the next morning with: “I think that raccoon still had a fun night hehe. Wishing you a nice Monday xo”

It was then time to do some investigation…..I needed to suss out for myself how much of a threat this Plain Jane Peasant Maiden was. Time for some serious Facebook stalking! I signed in and started scrolling through his photos and came across the ones that I recognised from July 2016 (about 18 months ago as I told KK)…..but, it was a different lady in the ice skating rink photos….ooopsies….did this mean that I’d been feeling overly threatened for no good justifiable reason the past few months?? I clicked on the girl’s name and her profile showed that he was now in a relationship – relief!….I felt a bit guilty and sheepish and pondered how I would apologise for over-reacting when Plain Jane Peasant Maiden must have been a distant love interest like he claimed. Curious to discover how long ago exactly, I continued to scroll through his photos until I came to March 2015 and there it was! a different ice skating outing with him and Plain Jane Peasant Maiden holding hands!!!!!! *RAGE!!!!*

I scrolled back a bit further and there weren’t any couple photos of them. This was a good sign as there was no photographic evidence of them having anything serious leading up to March 2015 and since then…..I was feeling a little bit more at ease…but still a bit jealous.

I need more time to ponder this, Dear Diary. You see, if I keep discussing these ‘issues’ when Karate Kid claims that nothing is happening between them then I could create real issues. Maybe…just maybe…I could sit back a little calmer now and observe how he treats me and then decide what to do? I mean, it is a bit too much to ask him to never talk to her again (let alone try to enforce my new ruling). We can debrief this more soon as this entry is already mammoth size.


As promised, this is the photo that I mentioned in the last entry. It’s the photo from 6 years ago of Bear and his ‘friend’. You can’t tell me that this is normal friend behaviour. It still makes me angry that even after me discovering this photo that he still claimed they were like brother and sister and that kissing friends is normal……



blog pic

As for the email that I sent her putting her in her place, I will need to search harder to find it. I think it may be in an email account that I no longer have access to. All I can see from email threads is that she was upset that I de-friended her from Facey and took offense to my email. Also, Bear said that they did date once…for about 2 weeks when they were 6 years old. I maintain that she still clearly liked him!


Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com


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