Dear Diary

I sent a message that I probably shouldn’t have sent….but I needed to let it out. I’ll share with you the prelude….

Enemy of the State, PlainJane Peasant Maiden, is back from her ten week vacation that I hoped she’d never return from. During her ten weeks of absence I wasn’t sure if Karate Kid would long for her return or forget about her miserable existence (I was praying for the latter, obviously).

After my last entry, Karate Kid sent a message at 1am on Sunday morning likely seeing if I was awake to invite him over to stay. I replied the next morning before work with:

“How about I prepare for you something special this Tuesday or Thursday evening for dinner? I don’t like seeing you upset and would like to make things better *hug and kiss*”

KK: “I’ve got a flash mob today and then dance workshops! Probably Thursday but let me think about it and get back to you”

Me: “Good luck with the flash mob! Does this mean that we don’t see each other on Tues?”

This is the point were things went from being set and mature to playing games…

KK: “I duuno. What is this something special?”

Me (losing my patience): “Well, I need time to think of something nice, buy groceries and then prepare and cook it. Let’s do it another time then when we both know of a day in advance. That way I’ll be able to do something nice rather than rushed.”

KK: “Ok. I guess i won’t be seeing you this week then. .. :p”

This was a really low blow and especially considering that I’d been so loving and caring towards him.

Me: “Okay. Night.”

I tried to get to sleep for the next 1.5 hours but was so upset. I hated his silly games. It was time to call him out on his rubbish:

“I don’t want to talk but we should talk at some point. Not now because I’m upset and don’t want to talk (“with you” deleted from original draft).

The reason why I’m upset is because you act like you don’t care if we see each other or not. It hurts me because I like to see you and would hope that you’d want to see me too, but you’re so quick and content to say that we won’t see each other at all.

Also, the gesture of me making something nice for you isn’t something that you consider special. I don’t know what yourlove language is but I suspect that it’s very different to mine.

(This is where I probably should have stopped but I needed to say what has been festering inside me for the past few months)

Also, I just get this feeling that you’re holding back things from me. It makes you feel like a stranger sometimes. I also feel that you still have feelings for your ex, Plain Jane Peasant Maiden. I know you guys chat a lot online, I’ve seen it on your phone a couple of times when you’ve been in bed with me…..it hurts a lot and I already knew that you guys had history. You chose for her to stay with you at the dance congress in July and not me. You were rudely texting with her at the same time that you were tearing my heart out telling me that you were just seeing how far you could get with me and that you didn’t want a relationship. I’ve also seen the way you act around her at dance parties.

If you want her please follow your heart and have her, but please don’t hold on to me when your heart belongs to someone else.”

My mind is going crazy with how to run away from this situation so that I never have to see Karate Kid again. Anastasia doesn’t compete for men, Karate Kid was no exception, Plain Jane Peasant Maiden could keep him.

Any updates I’ll fill you in on, Diary. Xo

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Let’s take a small breather and I’ll update you on some minor things that I haven’t fitted in over the past week.