Dear Diary
Lines seem to be more blurred and things are more grey than usual. The question has been coming to mind lately – at what point will me meeting up with and talking to other men be considered cheating? another valid question is who would I be technically cheating on?
Things are slowly going in the right direction with Karate Kid. I do occasionally think of The Spaniard and of my commitment to return to Spain to see him in November. At this stage they are both the main contenders for my heart, but I feel it important to remain open to other opportunities as you never know and a lady should never put all her eggs into one basket when nothing is guaranteed.
One concern I have at the moment is if things continue to progress with Karate Kid and November comes….would it be right to see The Spaniard again? would I feel tempted to spend a night with him? and if I did, would it be considered cheating? I mean, at what point do I commit to just one man? what if I want to see where things go with The Spaniard? If I were to think like a man I would reply “well, unless there’s a ring on the finger or you’re living together nothing is official”. This may be how men think when they are courting women, but do double standards exist? I’m sure that Karate Kid wouldn’t be happy to know that I was rendezvousing with The Spaniard if we had been dating, however discreetly, for a few months.
After the last ‘happy weekend’ message from The Spaniard I decided not to contact him again. Not even to tell him that I booked my flights to Spain over a week ago! this is just in case I change my mind in the interim. Unless he asks me when I’m flying in to Barcelona I’m not going to volunteer the information just yet.
Today though, The Spaniard sent a message. It was another link to some dance music. Disappointed that the message wasn’t romantic like I have been yearning I decided to ignore it for at least a day. I didn’t even bother listening to the song. A few hours later he sent me another message that translated to: Anastasia, let me steal your heart and I’ll return it to you at sunrise. He then followed up with saying “I’m a poet *smiley face*”. He was still online when I read the message but I couldn’t bear to reply as he may ask to speak with me over Skype. I didn’t feel I was in the right head space for it so waited until he was off line until replying a simple “I can see! you’re a very talented poet“. A few minutes later he replied “I’ve seen your new photos on Facey…you look gorgeous”. Seriously? I almost wanted to cry, why is he suddenly saying nice things now after five weeks of generic emotionless texts?….okay, now that I actually count the weeks five isn’t really that much, but it has felt like a lifetime for me. I think I’ll reply tomorrow. I’m too confused at the moment.
As Karate Kid has been putting in a lot of effort I decided I would offer to contribute to the courtship slightly. Things for him are busy at work so I suggested that I could prepare food and we have an evening picnic some time to save him to long late night drive. He liked the sound of it and asked when I was free. I said I was busy for the rest of the week. I haven’t heard back from him yet. Hopefully, he hasn’t taken my lack of availability too personally and figures out soon that he should proactively organise it for next week. I feel that me offering the idea is enough of a contribution at this stage. He still needs to earn his stripes.
This weekend coming The Musician has already asked if I am available, though, hasn’t followed up with booking in a time, place or day yet. He really needs to get organised as my weekend calendar is starting to book up. The question did come to mind today too with whether I should be seeing him when things are starting to go well with Karate Kid? Is it technically leading him on? Not really, in that things may eventuate into something in the future if he becomes a primary contender, maybe. I guess I’m just keeping my options open.
Mr Obsessed (once obsessed with my now-married friend) has been contacting me recently. He’s been complaining about the weather in his city and also about a sore back. He’s relatively harmless so I politely engage in superficial conversation with him. He did send a message today saying that the Colombian street festival I went to on the weekend looked like fun. He then followed up by saying that my floral dress looked nice from the pictures. Hhhmmmm maybe best to play dumb for a bit longer as I’m not sure what his deal is.
Minor tangential update – do you remember me mentioning the good looking work colleague who seemingly strategically mentioned his girlfriend in conversation last week? Well, I’m really proud of myself, so much so that I think I deserve a gold star for being extra convincing with how unaffected I was by that bombshell. Whenever we see each other at work I’ve been as neutral and normal as possible and I really think that he has no idea that I was devastated by the news. Go me!
Anastasia
The Contemporary Princess 