47th Entry

Dear Diary

The department hasn’t been as magical for me without Mr Dashing there this week. I had a feeling that his shifts would be variable. I don’t appreciate his replacement as much as I do him, but I can wait for the next time he is assigned for my area. I asked my friend to search him on Facey. I wouldn’t dare search his name as I may come up as a friend suggestion which may suggest that I have been looking at his profile. My friend assures me that he looks as fit in his topless photos as I imagined. My friend also says that he looks like a nice and normal guy and that I should just ask him for coffee. No. Flat no. Sometimes I don’t think people understand me. Anyway.

Karate Kid sent through a message at lunch today. He said that I ‘owe him one’ after the cancellation. I was a little relieved as I was worried he was angry with me and might not talk to me again. I was also a little dismayed that his messages just seem to loop around subjects and not really get going to anywhere. Why can’t he just ask to reschedule? After work I replied and apologised again and said that it came down to a lack of coordination at the end of the day. Hopefully, he may read between the lines that if he wants to date me he needs to organise the date well in advance.

I was surprised to see that Mr Spark liked one of the photos of me from the performance on the weekend. It’s the first photo that he’s liked of mine in a very long time. But why do I care???? Over 100 other people have liked the photo but he is the one I care most about. I can’t help myself! I do care and secretly hope that he approaches me for another date…… so he can tell me about how much he likes eating beans…..maybe it’s not such a good idea after all. I should really reflect back on previous entries about him to put things into perspective.

I haven’t mentioned The Musician yet. We’ve been talking on line for a while and he wants to meet me. I’ve been too busy the past few weeks so we haven’t been able to organise anything. He has managed to get my number and take the conversation off line which is a big step forward. I’m just so unsure about dating more guys and confusing myself. It’d be a different story if I didn’t pine over every second single semi-attractive guy I meet. He’s suggested either meeting this week, the weekend or next week. I don’t know if I want to sacrifice my weekend time as I do have a few things on…but I also don’t want to go out on a work night next week either. It’d be different if I really liked the guy but it’s so hard to know when I’ve never met him before. It’ll probably be a mediocre date like most of the other ones I’ve been on. But then there’s a small glimmer of hope that he could be amazing and the one that I’ve been waiting for….

There’s another guy online too. Apparently, he works with a television network. He’s a smooth talker but seems lazy. He’s suggested we meet halfway for our first meeting….it just seems like too much effort for me. I’m not looking for a amicable friendship, I’m looking for a devoted lover who climbs mountains and swims rivers to be with me – is that so much to ask for? Okay, maybe for the first date, but at least come to me, none of this ‘half way’ business.


Image: [Jana Gouthova] © 123RF.com

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