Patience is a Virtue – Entry 16

Dear Diary

A week had passed without hearing from Mr Spark. I was worried that I may have acted too cool on our last date. Was it because I didn’t hold his hand? or was it because I didn’t ask enough questions? or was it because I beat him at every arcade game?

After a week he finally sent a message. He asked me how my week had been and that gave me the opportunity to test the waters:

Me: Hey, sorry I’ve been super busy. Would love to invite you to dinner some time when you’re free.

– 1 hour delay –

Mr Spark: Hi, that is a wonderful offer but I feel is a big step atm. I am going slow and being cautious because I am worried I might lose you as a friend if it doens’t work out. I don’t want that to happen, and whatever happens I want you to feel respected. Would you like to instead do something during the day on Saturday or Sunday? I am actually thinking of a beach day to start summer. Probably too cold for swimming but we could go for a walk, have a nap on the beach, get some food, etc. I can drive.Else we could go out to dinner Sunday night? Unfortunately I am busy Friday and Saturday nights.

– I re-read the message a few times trying to figure out what I said wrong. How embarrassing! I decided to come across as cool rather than offended –

Me: Sunday day trip sounds nice. Hope the dinner invite didn’t come across sounding like something else, it would have been you, my housemate and I.

Sunday was fast approaching and I had not heard any word from Mr Spark. I was feeling really anxious that he may cancel again last minute like he did the other weekend. If I got in first I could suggest we friendship first and not leave myself in a vulnerable position. I decided against this and to wait….

On the Saturday night before our scheduled date was a dance party. Mr Spark was there. We smiled hello from across the dance floor but he didn’t invite me to dance. I must admit that I was deliberately avoiding him as I refused to discuss the particulars of the date whilst I was out enjoying myself at a dance party. He should be more organised. I was also still offended that he had turned down my dinner invitation and insinuated that I wanted to seduce him.

When it came time to leave I waited until he was occupied dancing. I took this moment to disappear from the venue without a trace – perfect execution of the Cinderella Act. At 1:00am I receive a message from him: “sorry we didn’t get to dance. Are you still free for tomorrow?” It was such a hard question for such a late hour of the night. Was it maybe best to say no as he should have planned in advance? but this may be spiteful and I also really wanted to see him. I decided to sleep on it. A lady doesn’t text at inappropriate times of the night.

At 7:00am the next morning I replied saying yes. At 9:20am he asked for my address. Within an hour he was there. I had eaten breakfast as the day was getting late….apparently, he hadn’t. It took about an hour to drive to the beach. The conversation was very tame and unexciting. Again, no questions about me or wanting to get to know me better. When we arrived to the beach town he wanted to eat so I accompanied him at a restaurant. I wasn’t hungry, not did I want to eat food before changing into a bikini!

After his late breakfast we went to the beach. I swam a few times but he was too ‘cold’ to get into the water, so opted to sun bake on the sand instead. I was very disappointed as I wanted to splash around and play like the couple further down the beach from us. I did eventually go and lie beside him. We spoke a little bit and there were moments when he seemed like he wanted to kiss me but didn’t.

I ended the sun baking by saying I was hungry. For the first time he bought his own lunch and I was forced to by my own. I was pretty upset by this gesture as it signaled clearly that he did not see me as a potential girlfriend any further. Upset, I cut the date short by saying we needed to get back to the city. He eventually asked why and I said that I was cooking a friend dinner…you could see the cogwheels turning in his mind ‘is she cooking for another man?’. Of course not! I was cooking my meals for the week and inviting my housemate the try some….but I also wanted to make the point that that could have been him in an alternate reality.

On the car ride home the conversation was very boring with lots of silence. I sang along to the radio to keep myself occupied. When we got to my house I was excited to get out of the car. We gave each other a kiss on the cheek goodbye and didn’t mention anything of catching up again….

I think I’ve got a lot to reflect on.


Image: [Jana Gouthova] ©

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