Dear Diary
You may have been wondering what has been happening in the past month. Karate Kid and I are still living together and things are slowly improving for his financial situation. I have chosen the term slowly to emphasize how innately different Karate Kid and I are. I also have learned a few things that I’d like to share with you all – things I wish that I’d looked into six months ago.
Firstly, I have a rhetorical question for you, Dear Diary. If you had debt that would take you four to five years to pay off but you could do it in 2.5 years by taking simple steps today….what would you do? Seems obvious, right? It’s taken a month for him to finally follow the steps that I researched into and laid out for him. A month with me having to periodically nag him to stop burying his head in the sand and do something constructive. These steps could have taken him a day if he was focused and dedicated enough. There are still more steps that he needs to take which he is still hesitating about.
As you can imagine, this has caused me a lot of frustration and forced me to seriously assess the situation. Just last night he has finally transferred some of his debt onto a 24 month 0% interest free credit card. He will keep his old credit card for the next two years but not use it so that it is ready as a backup with a lower interest rate when the 0% period expires on the new card. He didn’t enjoy hearing it, but I told him last week that every day costs him money in interest. He is paying interest-on-interest-on-interest-on-interest and that’s no exaggeration. This sticky situation that he’s in has stemmed from a 500 dollar credit card limit over a decade ago which quietly grew in the background until it became a monster.
Karate Kid is entitled to access his vacation leave and convert that into money at times of hardship. I personally feel excessive debt is sufficient reason to be able to access maybe 8 or 10 weeks of the leave that he has available to him. Karate Kid is reluctant to cash it in as ‘he may need it‘ one day…..what for? a vacation that he can’t afford? If he gets sick he has income protection through his employer. I told him this and did the calculations on the spreadsheet to show him that he could could be 6 months debt-free sooner if he used it as a lump sum payment. It would have been 7 months earlier if he had listened to me a month ago…..
Naturally, you’re probably wanting to ask so, can he afford to propose to you or get married? the answer is no. Not in his eyes anyway. I have broached this topic a few times in the past month as I am highly unsatisfied with the current circumstances. I would be less displeased if he had been proactive and taken responsibility for the mess he’s made for himself. The reality of the situation is that I’ve been using a metaphorical crowbar and pushing him uphill every step of the way. Anyway, his excuse this time is that he will think about a ring and marriage ‘when he has the money’. This equals never/not soon enough for my liking…..saying that, Dear Diary, do I want to be married to this person?
This is the important part that I’d like to share with you. The reason why I have been on a soft diet this week unable to chew because of severe jaw pain secondary to grinding and clenching…..De facto relationship status.
I am kicking myself for being so naive and air-headed about this topic. I always thought that the best thing you could do for a relationship is to live with the person you’re dating. That’s what adults do, right? How could you blame me for inviting Karate Kid to live with me when I’m a romantic at heart? Well, let me tell you that it’s one of the silliest things I have ever done in my life. In 18 months, Karate Kid is entitled to half of my assets and can make a claim for up to two years after a breakup?
I’ve sought financial and legal advice about this in the past week and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because we already live together I cannot set up a robust trust structure to protect myself (If you are single I encourage you to research into this as now’s the best time). Apparently, family courts can see through these structures, especially if they are set up during a relationship rather than before.
The only protection I have is to get a prenup. Yep. A prenup without even being married. It’ll cost me around 6-10,000 dollars. It also hinges completely on Karate Kid participating. If he doesn’t want to go and get his own separate legal advice (1-2000 dollars, which he doesn’t have at the moment) then there is nothing I can do other than break up with him before the two year mark.
I have something to lose – my life savings. He has nothing to lose. He could claim ‘significant contributions’ if he does enough of the housework or cooking (thankfully, I do majority of this – but who could prove it when there’s no evidence?).
We went to an auction last weekend. I didn’t get the investment property that I wanted. If I had acquired the property, however, then in 18 months time Karate Kid would be entitled to a claim on it….because I acquired it whilst living together. Messed up, right?
I’ve been mulling over how to approach Karate Kid with this topic of conversation. I think now is a good time as we recently went to a wealth seminar (that I wanted to go to). They spoke about asset protection and that was when I realised the disparity between us and that I am vulnerable – he has nothing to lose. Not yet, anyway. The house that his mother lives in is something that he will inherent. I’m not interested in it as I make my own money and can look after myself. This house, however, could be incentive for him to willingly sign a prenup if you see where I’m coming from *wink wink*.
Last weekend I got upset with Karate Kid again for being a slack boyfriend. I de-friended him again on Facey because his relationship status still said single and there was no evidence on his profile of us being together. A few days after he eventually convinced me to accept his friendship request. Then he finally updated his relationship status.
I know that it hurt him a lot when I told him that the status meant nothing. He was a bit confused as well. I told him that it meant absolutely nothing to me because I had to mention it over three times in the past six months. It literally means nothing to me and I am not flattered at all, if anything, I’m offended. I have no intention of updating my profile or relationship status until there’s a ring. Even saying that, the relationship may not last until that point as I’m seriously considering choosing money over lust.
On a nice note. My newly-single-friend has met someone that she’s happy with. He’s slowly winning me over, but I have my reservations. When they were first starting to see each other he was still actively talking to an ex-girlfriend. My friend showed me screen shots of the conversations that she happened to stumble upon whilst he was in the shower one day. I was very unimpressed. They read something along the lines of:
Ex – ‘who’s that girl in the photo on your profile? your girlfriend?’
Him – ‘Nah, not my gf. Still early days’
Blah blah
Ex – ‘Are you dating again?’
Blah blah
Him – ‘How’s the love life?‘
Blah
Ex – ‘Did you want to catch up some time?’
After reading this conversation I told my friend to drop him like he’s hot. He is a complete time waster and there’s no way she’ll be able to relax knowing that he is talking to his ex-girlfriend about each other’s love lives.
My friend pulled back after that and then the guy started acting more like a gentleman. He has been taking her on proper dates now and has sent her flowers. He even said that he loved her last week……can you believe that? She said she wasn’t ready to say that but that she did like him. I have a feeling that they are going to officially be girlfriend and boyfriend in no time at all.
I make sure that I tell Karate Kid how this other guy treats my friend. I also remind him about how pathetic he is with dragging the chain and not treating me the way I deserve. The gloves are off now, Dear Diary. The substandard budget honeymoon with Karate Kid has come to an end and I’m not impressed with anything that he has to offer. A little voice inside whispers to me every so often that I would be better off alone than with a lazy, unappreciative, selfish and self-serving boyfriend like Karate Kid.
The other good news is that Mr Nice Guy has started dating. He told me about her this week and they went on their third date last night. From photos she looks stunning and friendly. One might go as far to say that he’s punching above his weight. I’m happy for him nonetheless.
It does sound messy as she has a child and a complex past. She was de facto with a lawyer and they had the child. When they split four years ago he took primary custody of the child as he deemed her mentally unstable. She sees her daughter only four days a fortnight.
Nice Guy has told me that she has trust issues and wants to take things slow. He wants to take things slowly also.
I sent this message today to thank him for fixing my dental splint me made to help my jaw pain:
Hey Mr NG 🙂
How are you?
My jaw is feeling better. I followed your advice and have been on a soft diet since Monday. Will have to cook you dinner again soon to say thank you!
I hope that your date went well last night 🙂
He replied:
Aww Anastasia! I’m so glad that it’s helping. All I want is you to be happy. I would do anything to keep you and make you happy.
I don’t expect anything in return, but if you want to I will never say no because I won’t pass up an opportunity to see you 🙂
The date went well (painting class).. my colourful zebra looks more like a judgemental colourful ass… 😂 but overall we had fun, afterwards we went to a piano bar and jazz bar. She’s got big walls I have to get through… sometimes it feels like I’m taking 2 steps forward and 3 back.. but that’s just the situation… I feel I will have to work hard to gain her trust, and sometimes watch my words in the beginning so what I say won’t be taken the wrong way…
not everyone has as little baggage and has lives as straightforward as you and me… and are single or as compatible.
I’ll try to write again soon. I’m sorry that this entry is a short one today. I don’t get much time to myself these days to be able to write to you in privacy.
Please look into asset protection to protect yourselves. Even if it’s just for general knowledge. You may need it some day. It’s easier to do before you meet someone.
Anastasia
IMAGE: [JANA GUOTHOVA]
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The Contemporary Princess 